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[ 1 Comment ]Posted on January 27, 2011 by admin in Holidays
Thursday, January 27th, 2011Because you know, nothing says “personalized” like setting up a slave labor manufacturing facility in China and mass producing cheap gifts with customized messages on them.
  If the passion is still there, the message in the boxers should be loud and clear without personalizing them. |
Today I was searching for Valentine gift ideas on the web. Not that I have anyone to give them to this year or anything, I do this for YOU, because obviously, if you’re reading this, you’re someone who’s so unimaginative that you search the web for Valentine gifts. You NEED me. Which is why we have so many gift ideas for Valentine’s Day on the site. Anyway, you know how there are always those little suggestions at the bottom of the search results? Of course you do. I forgot. You’re the kind of person who searches the web for gift ideas. So two really caught my eye this year. One was “Valentine gift ideas for teacher”. At first I was all like “Oh. My. God. This whole thing with the sexy teacher love is really getting out of hand!”, imagining some 17 year old guy shopping for red teddies for his history teacher. Then it dawned on me that I’m a really sick person, and that it was actually pretty normal in grade school to give the teacher a Valentine, and that the current generation of soccer moms probably did this a lot as part of greasing the grade machine for their exhausted mommy-track children. The other search suggestion was intriguing though. It was “Personalized Valentine Gift”. Because you know, nothing says “personalized” like setting up a slave labor manufacturing facility in China and mass-producing cheap gifts with customized messages on them. So that’s what we’re bringing you today. Some money and labor saving tips for finding the perfect personalized Valentine gift. As opposed to those not personalized Valentine gifts that we’re always giving the only person we’ll ever love. Below are some strategies and gift ideas to get you going this Valentine’s Day. Read the rest of this entry »
Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas To Win Back Your Ex-Girlfriend
[ Comments Off ]Posted on January 15, 2011 by admin in Holidays
Saturday, January 15th, 2011Five Valentine gift ideas that may help you rekindle the fire of love. Because boyfriends are easy to come by, but girlfriends have to be earned. Strangely, most of these gifts are for yourself.
  Wherein we finally explain why pink roses were chosen to express unrequited love. |
For many of us, Valentine’s Day is a time for candlelight dinners, champagne, and romantic gifts to express our undying passion for our loved ones. But for some of us, Valentine’s Day is a time of composing and re-composing bizarre love letters to people who had no idea we were stalking them, or obsessing about the one who left us over a year ago, by pounding a 12 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon while playing video games with our dorky friends who are still virgins at twenty-six. We’ve previously shared lots of off the wall Valentine’s Day gift ideas, but this year, we thought we’d take a look at the still suffering love-a-holic, and offer suggestions for how to win back that ex-girlfriend who was probably your last hope for any kind of healthy connection with humanity and a normal social life. First up, if you want to keep it classy and send roses, don’t send red or white ones. The traditional color for “unrequited love” is pink. I think I finally figured out the reason for this tradition. First of all, although roses are a beautiful flower, pink ones are somehow just, I don’t know, PINK. Their beauty pales in comparison to a bold red or crisp white. Pink was probably established for this purpose for two reasons. First, they prove that a guy really means it. Unless you’re a classic romantic, buying pink flowers are a sure sign that you’re GAY. And second, the second rate beauty of a pink roses makes it MUCH easier for a woman to chuck over a hundred dollars’ worth of flowers in the wastebin, which is almost certainly where the majority of pink roses end up. So you’ll probably want to skip the whole “unrequited love” thing. It’s pricey, and probably ineffective. Below are a few gift ideas to really help you win back that lost love. Strangely, most of them are gifts for you, because probably the only way you’ll win her back is by being the man you aren’t. Read the rest of this entry »
Unusual Valentine Gift Ideas For 2011
[ Comments Off ]Posted on January 6, 2011 by admin in Holidays
Thursday, January 6th, 2011Didn’t I hear you cry this mornin’? Didn’t I feel you weep? I imagine it was because someone either made you listen to Firefall’s “That’s a Strange Way To Tell Me You Love Me”, or because that special someone in your life took our advice for Valentine gifts this year.
Just not feeling the magic about your romantic partner this year? Don’t feel like shopping for that special Valentine gift to show them how much you love them? Well, you could always move to Iran; apparently they’ve banned Valentine gifts this year. Or, you could rely on our trusty guides to unusual Valentine’s Day gifts that can help you show your love in ways you probably would have never thought of. And that your partner may wish you hadn’t. There are lots of creative things you can do for the one you love without buying them the classic heart-shaped box of chocolate and dozen roses. For example, nothing says “I love you” like a half-mile-wide heart made out of manure. But the fact is you don’t need a tractor and ten acres of poop to show someone you love them, you can just buy them weird crappy gifts on Amazon. And that’s where we come in. In previous years’ Valentine gift guides, we brought you the humorous, the expensive, and the slightly offbeat, but this year we’ve dug a little deeper into our heart – or at least the pages of Amazon, anyway – to bring you the truly peculiar. And this is just the teaser. We’ll have more unusual Valentine gift ideas in the weeks to come. Gift ideas below. Read the rest of this entry »
Last Minute Christmas Shopping?
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 21, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Tuesday, December 21st, 2010Finding those last minute Christmas gifts can be stressful, but let’s gather round the Festivus Pole for a moment and say a prayer for the Global Orgasm Day crowd. They threw a party, but nobody came.
  Celebrate three holidays in one with a sexy santa outfit (cap not included) and a pole dancing kit . |
The last few days before Christmas can be hectic, and for some, even depressing. Like for those folks who try to throw a party for Global Orgasm Day every year. The results may be premature, but if the visitor counter on their site is accurate, it looks like nobody came. Then of course we have Festivus on the 23rd. Which is why we pointed out last year that you may as well roll the two together. This year, as you can see in the image on the left, we’re suggesting you roll all three holidays together with a sexy santa outfit
We Mix You A Merry Christmash – Fun Alternatives To Your Usual Christmas Music Playlist Ideas
[ 2 Comments ]Posted on December 15, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Wednesday, December 15th, 2010After weeks of Christmas songs insinuating themselves into your life, a holiday playlist is probably the LAST thing you want to think about. So we’ve done some thinking for you.
 This is not a gratuitous image exploiting women. We included a clip of Charo singing Feliz Blah Blah Blah on Pee Wee’s Playhouse below. Made ya look though. |
It all begins around the first of November, when you’re at the market staring at piles of deeply discounted mini chocolate bars left over from Halloween, and suddenly, like some sonic message from the dark side, “Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town” pokes through the ambient shopping noise. By mid-December, you’ve probably subliminally absorbed so many Christmas songs that you find yourself spontaneously whistling “Walkin’ In A Winter Wonderland” while making love. So it’s natural that so many people groan at the idea of listening to Christmas music on purpose. Which is a shame, because thanks to the thousands of crassly opportunistic attempts to cash in on the Christmas spirit, there are literally thousands of tunes to choose from, in every genre, from several decades. We’ve previously tried to cover all the bases; over the past couple of years we Jewished you a merry Christmas with Oye To The World, suggested some Santastic mashups with Generation Xmas, and with Generation Triple X-Mas we got on Santa’s naughty list. So this year, we thought we’d try to get back on the “nice” list with some actually sane Christmas music ideas, and a few oddities thrown in for fun. If you’ve ever gone searching on the web for some new holiday music ideas, you may have had that Wikiphilia-like experience of suddenly realizing you just wasted three hours of your life mindlessly YouTubing weird Christmas tunes like we did. So we have to give considerable thanks to MistleTunes, Falalalala.com, and Check The Cool Wax for their passion and devotion to compiling and organizing thousands of offbeat and obscure holiday songs. They bring a lot of the spirit back to what should be one of the best parts of the holidays. The music! Hope you enjoy, and feel free to share your own playlist ideas. Read the rest of this entry »