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Unusual Valentine Gift Ideas For 2011

Topics: Holidays | Add A CommentBy admin | January 6, 2011

Didn’t I hear you cry this mornin’? Didn’t I feel you weep? I imagine it was because someone either made you listen to Firefall’s “That’s a Strange Way To Tell Me You Love Me”, or because that special someone in your life took our advice for Valentine gifts this year.

Just not feeling the magic about your romantic partner this year? Don’t feel like shopping for that special Valentine gift to show them how much you love them? Well, you could always move to Iran; apparently they’ve banned Valentine gifts this year. Or, you could rely on our trusty guides to unusual Valentine’s Day gifts that can help you show your love in ways you probably would have never thought of. And that your partner may wish you hadn’t. There are lots of creative things you can do for the one you love without buying them the classic heart-shaped box of chocolate and dozen roses. For example, nothing says “I love you” like a half-mile-wide heart made out of manure. But the fact is you don’t need a tractor and ten acres of poop to show someone you love them, you can just buy them weird crappy gifts on Amazon. And that’s where we come in. In previous years’  Valentine gift guides, we brought you the humorous, the expensive, and the slightly offbeat, but this year we’ve dug a little deeper into our heart – or at least the pages of Amazon, anyway – to bring you the truly peculiar. And this is just the teaser. We’ll have more unusual Valentine gift ideas in the weeks to come. Gift ideas below.

Because nothing says “I’m a freakin’ dweeb who will never understand women” like rose-shaped USB hubs. On the bright side, after she dumps you, you’ll have that spare USB hub you’ve been needing.
A back hair shaver sends a very special message of love, and the message is “hey ape man, your back really grosses me out, why don’t you do something about it” and somehow sort of implies “When you’re done, take out the trash, will ya?”
For many men, the person they love most isn’t a person at all, but a car. If this is you, let it and everyone else you know just how much you love it. And what a dork you are. With a Valentine Vehicle Costume from Mystic Industries.
Cupid Kit With Bow, Arrow, And Wings kind of wreaks havoc with the whole Cupid motif, suggesting that you either wanna get it on with an infantile angel, or kill them. Or on the other hand, is the perfect reward for the partner who’s earned their (don’t click the following link) red wings. No really. We told you not to click it.
Why not buy her the Shelf Bra With Satin Ribbon Halter Straps And G-String? Because you know, sometimes, you don’t want to just say “I love you”, you want to say “I would love you. If you were a trashy stripper”.
The Two Heart Headphone Splitter is perfect for when you want to say “I love you, but not enough to listen to your crappy music or buy you your own damn iPhone, so let’s share mine”
There IS a woman out there who would love the Bad to the Bone Singing Chopper Dog for Valenitine’s Day. And at this very moment, she’s smoking a Basic Menthol 100, sipping a PBR, and taking off that stripper outfit above after a long hard day at work.
If your lover loves chocolate, and loves roses, these Chocolate Long Stem Roseswill probably forever turn them off to both, and to you too. The concept here is interesting, but the execution just looks nasty.
If you have the hots for the road manager of a struggling indy band, he’ll either love you for giving him these Abernook Duct Tape Roses, or hate you for wasting perfectly good duct tape.
Yeah, that’ll win her heart. A golf ball. Right. A GODDAMN GOLFBALL.
At first we thought the ‘Til Death Do We Part…and We Part Tonight phrase was the perfect breakup card for the sociopath who’s getting ready to kill their lover that never loved them in the first place. Then we realized it was just a dumb party game. Don’t let that stop any of you sociopaths from stealing the image and printing your own card in silent rage.
This is perfect if you’re so full of yourself that you think your partner is going to be overjoyed at just having you, and not an actual gift of lasting value. Alternately, it could come in handy for the sociopath mentioned above. We’re still trying to figure out why it’s called the Orgasm Service Station Surprise I Am The Presentthough.
The Hallmark talking El Toro of Love says “Hello my name is El Toro of Love and my love for you burns with the heat of a million jalapeños peppers”, which should set off some warning signs. Trip to STD clinic not included.

Some Mood Music While You Shop