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Personalized Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas

Topics: Holidays | 1 CommentBy admin | January 27, 2011

Because you know, nothing says “personalized” like setting up a slave labor manufacturing facility in China and mass producing cheap gifts with customized messages on them.


If the passion is still there, the message
in the boxers should be loud and
clear without personalizing them.

Today I was searching for Valentine gift ideas on the web. Not that I have anyone to give them to this year or anything, I do this for YOU, because obviously, if you’re reading this, you’re someone who’s so unimaginative that you search the web for Valentine gifts. You NEED me. Which is why we have so many gift ideas for Valentine’s Day on the site. Anyway, you know how there are always those little suggestions at the bottom of the search results? Of course you do. I forgot. You’re the kind of person who searches the web for gift ideas. So two really caught my eye this year. One was “Valentine gift ideas for teacher”. At first I was all like “Oh. My. God. This whole thing with the sexy teacher love is really getting out of hand!”, imagining some 17 year old guy shopping for red teddies for his history teacher. Then it dawned on me that I’m a really sick person, and that it was actually pretty normal in grade school to give the teacher a Valentine, and that the current generation of soccer moms probably did this a lot as part of greasing the grade machine for their exhausted mommy-track children. The other search suggestion was intriguing though. It was “Personalized Valentine Gift”. Because you know, nothing says “personalized” like setting up a slave labor manufacturing facility in China and mass-producing cheap gifts with customized messages on them. So that’s what we’re bringing you today. Some money and labor saving tips for finding the perfect personalized Valentine gift. As opposed to those not personalized Valentine gifts that we’re always giving the only person we’ll ever love. Below are some strategies and gift ideas to get you going this Valentine’s Day.

Save Money By Cleverly Combining Events

Combine Events To Save Money

Every time you meet someone, ask them straight up what their birthday is. If it isn’t close to Christmas or Valentine’s day, ditch them and keep looking. I have a friend whose ex-husband proposed on Valentine’s day. Not because he was romantic, but because he was a cheap bastard. He also tried to get married on Valentine’s Day or Christmas, but she didn’t fall for it. He didn’t give up though. They got married within a week of her birthday, and it took them several years to have a child, because he would only have sex with her in March and October so the kid would either be born close to Christmas or, again, her birthday. He estimated he saved several hundred dollars a year by combining gift-related events this way. So if you want to be sure that someday you have a happy ex-wife with a friend who mentions you in Valentine humor articles, this is the way to go. And if you don’t plan to get married, just make sure every woman you date has the same name. Then you can buy personalized gifts in bulk, and save even MORE money.

Use your imagination. And some scissors and glue.

Do It Yourself Valentine

I know this one is going to be hard for you, because if you HAD any imagination, you’d be leaving a trail of rose petals leading to the candlight and champagne next to the bed with the diamond ring in it in the hotel room in the carribean you booked just for this purpose. But you don’t, and you’re cheap to boot, so here’s an idea: MAKE A CARD WITH YOUR OWN HANDS. And if you’re honestly too lame to go buy some colored paper and a glue stick to do it yourself, try the Make Your Own Cards by Made By Hands craft kit. Not recommended for ages three or under. Still have brain freeze, and can’t come up with a theme? Try some cheesy book like 18 Romantic Ideas For Her Most Memorable Valentine’s Day. The Kindle edition is only $9.97. Scratch that. If you’re going to buy a book to make sure she has her “most memorable Valentine’s Day” ever, she probably won’t. Get the 101 Romantic Ideas eBook instead. It has 101 ideas for just 99 cents! That’s less than a penny an idea versus almost FIFTY SIX CENTS. And if even THAT is too expensive, here’s a link to a google search for valentine craft ideas.
Valentine’s Day Personalized Missing Piece Puzzle On one hand, giving someone a gift like this may finally offer the answer to at least ONE puzzle, which is why they love you at all. This may just cinch the deal if they’re expecting diamonds, chocolates, or lingerie, especially if the only reward for all their hard work is a stupid statement like the one made in the example. On the other hand, this could be a lot of fun if the personalized message offered directions to pick up the plane tickets that led to the island getaway, that led to the trail-of-rose-petals cliche that we mentioned above.
BoldLoft “Say I Love You” Pillowcases This one isn’t personalized, but the beauty of a gift like this one and the one below is that when they inevitably dump you, at least you can legitimately keep half of the gift! In the case of these pillows, make sure you swap them often enough that you’ve drooled on both and they won’t want either.
Engravable Split Heart Keychain If you live long enough, you’ll eventually find that you can’t look at gifts like the Engravable Split Heart Keychain without seeing the dark future that they actually foreshadow. If you’re still naive and dopey enough though, they’re quite sweet. And on top of having the same benefit as the pillow gift above, if you follow our advice about always dating women with the same name, they’re recyclable!
Pretty in Pink Engravable Flask Given what I said above, I thought I’d look for his and hers matching crack pipes, but this is the best I could come up with. I’m afraid alcohol will have to suffice in your quest to remain oblivious to your plight.

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  1. Posted by More Last Minute Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas | dissociatedpress.com on 02.14.11 12:07 pm

    [...] we spend so much time putting together clever but opportunistic Amazon product linkfests like our suggestions for personalized Valentine’s gifts (because you know, nothing says “personalized” like setting up a slave labor manufacturing [...]