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Generation Triple Xmas – Holiday Songs For Millennials

Topics: Music | 3 CommentsBy admin | December 15, 2009

Yule probably be appalled by some of these XXXmas carols, but some are just good, dirty fun, and some are just plain…disturbing.

I think Gunther has something a little
different in mind for your yule log this year.

I couldn’t help noticing this year that we seem to have killed Santa once and for all. As a generation raised by the miscreants we call baby boomers come of age, and millennials become the new target consumer demographic, the spirit of poor Santa is doing its final death dance in the brutal daylight of rationality and cynical realism. Always on the lookout for an audience to pander to, we’ve therefore rounded up the naughtiest, bitterest, and most disturbing Christmas music and videos we could find. First of all, to highlight the generational difference we’re referring to, check out the two clips below. The first is the sentimental and totally out-of-touch-with-reality 80′s song “Do They Know It’s Christmas”. To address two of the burning issues in the song: 1.) No, they don’t fucking know it’s Christmas, most of them aren’t Christian, and it’s Africa, for cryin’ out loud, and 2.) No, you’re right. There won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas, except of course in places like Mount Kilimanjaro. Duh. Anyway, enjoy the bad hair and slightly bloated rockers:

Now, check out the 21st century version by Fucked Up. It’s also a benefit recording, but with a more practical focus than “Let’s Bring Christmas To Africa”. It’s to benefit some Canadian NGO’s, specifically Justice for Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women (Montreal), DTES Power of Women Group (Vancouver) and Sisters in Spirit (Ottawa). Also note that not only did they not waste a bunch of money on a video, they don’t appear to have flown in a bunch of glammed up narcissistic British pop stars and catered to their party needs, either. Learn more here. Apparently you can buy the song on iTunes.

Speaking of bloated 80′s pop stars and holiday music, you probably know by now that Billy Idol did a Christmas album, but have you seen any of the videos? The main reason he doesn’t look like a bloated British pop star in the video is that I’m pretty sure – based both on his appearance and his performance – that he’s either an animatronic device or has had so many facelifts that he can no longer move his face without splitting some skin. Creepy.

Getting away from the creepy 80′s, but not too far away, we have Gunther’s “Do You Want My Père Noel”. Merry Christmas, Merry KissMyAss indeed. I think Gunther was thinking more of Le Père Fouettard than Père Noel when he wrote this….

Keeping in the spirit of XXXmas carols, we have the now-classic “Fist Me This Christmas”, by the Wet Spots:

In a slightly cheerier vein, we have the happy-go-lucky “Santa’s Laughter Mocks The Poor” by the Attery Squash:

And the obligatory “Merry F&*#ing Christmas” by Mr. Garrison from South Park’s Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics:

And while its destruction of the holiday spirit is obviously unintentional, for sheer holiday horror, you probably can’t top a heartfelt Hawaiian “quiver singing” version of “Silent Night”. Watching this will make you wish it were. A silent night, that is:

And to wrap up all the bitterness, humor, and cynicism, we have a special Christmas message from Beardyman:

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    [...] The Nightmare Before Christmas, in which we took a look under the hood of a holiday classic, and Generation Triple Xmas – Holiday Songs For Millennials, in which we explored how the Millenials have killed Santa [...]

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