Merry Christmas! You Okay With That?
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on December 25, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Friday, December 25th, 2009Excessive cultural sensitivity can be a real buzz kill.
We hope that whatever you do on December 25th, you have a great day. We’ve done our best to give you some seasonal cheer by sharing amusing ideas for holiday shopping and odd holiday Flash games to distract you. We hope you enjoy the the daily gift we serve up; we don’t expect anything in return, but if you feel like giving back something, support or sponsors by visiting their sites once in a while. Or even make a donation. Ultimately though, it’s reward enough to be able to ramble on about anything we like and have people continue to come back for more. Personally, if I could have one holiday wish come true, it would be for people to get off their politically correct pedestals, and share a little love and happiness this time of year. I was joking a few weeks ago that we’ve finally killed Santa, but there was an element of genuine sentiment behind what I was saying. In my opinion, what began as a healthy cultural sensitivity back in the 80′s (i.e.: the tendency to say “happy holidays” and avoid getting too specific) has in the long run destroyed the best of a multi-flavored season of celebration. Especially in the northern latitudes, we NEED a season to remind us to be loving and caring and cheerful; the seventeen hours of darkness we experience by late December can be a crushing blow to one’s biological clock, and we need all the help we can get! I personally feel that by elaborately dissecting how various holidays evolved to be what they are at this point in history, we destroyed a powerful positive spirit in order to eliminate a problem that wasn’t that big in the first place. The proverbial baby and bathwater scenario. I hope we can get better at respecting other people’s cultural traditions by respecting all of them, and by feeling comfortable saying Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Diwali, or whatever, whether acknowledging our own celebration or trying to acknowledge those of others. This “Happy Holidays” crap is for the birds. So Merry Christmas!
Reindeer Games Rudolph Wouldn’t WANT To Join In
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on December 22, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009For some, the holidays can be a bitter time. Especially for Flash game developers, I guess. Help Rudolph get revenge, and see how many employees Santa can slay with this weeks holiday-themed games of violence and vengeance. And what is it with game developers and spelling, anyway?
 Finally, a reindeer game even Rudolph can get behind. Or in this case, in front of. |
Sadly, for some people the holiday season is a time of frustration, anxiety and resentment. And apparently, this is especially true for Flash game developers, who probably all grew up as misunderstood misanthropes who never got what they wanted at Christmas because their parents didn’t understand their genius. Well, they’re silently eeking out their revenge; we went looking for fun and happy holiday-themed games to keep you amused this week, but were surprised by how many were based instead on violence and vengeance. We could understand Rudolphs Kick n’ Fly, in which Rudolph kicks elves into the air (much like Kitty Cannon), because no one really gets hurt, and Rudolph has every right to be upset after the abuse he received as a child. But Rudolph’s Revenge is downright ruthless, with a scrappy, gun-toting Rudolph that looks like he’s been working at the North Pole meth lab for too long. And why does Santa need a gun? The truth is, both Serious Santa and Santa’s Vegneance tease your inner psycho with sinister Santas who look like they’re out for blood in intense first person shooters, and then the games actually serve up silly little pixelated Santas that only move in two dimensions. Jingle Ballistics is doubly misleading; there are no bullets, and not much jingle, just a choice of a snowman, an elf, or a sullen Santa for one-on-one boxing matches. In the continued mind-numbing search (I say mind-numbing because I for one really am not a gamer) for something a little chippier to keep you amused, we thought maybe we’d find a clever or cute snowball game like Snowcraft, and ran across a little journey into psychosis misleadingly called Snowball Holiday Flash Game. It took a minute to realize that the the weird things hanging in the viewframe weren’t curtains, but an anime girl’s hair, and the little penises that kept popping up Read the rest of this entry »
High Tech Christmas Gifts I Wish I’d Received As A Kid
[ 2 Comments ]Posted on December 19, 2009 by admin in Technology
Saturday, December 19th, 2009With some random musings on why today’s kids shoot each other, why marshmallows are the new pink, and the fat old bastards who blocked my view at the hobby shop when I was little.
  Marshmallow is the new black. |
If your dad was anything like my dad, he walked 17 miles to work every day in 6 feet of snow, barefoot, with a headwind both ways, and ate boot broth soup for lunch, so he could make 13 cents a week. He also might look at you funny when you used a calculator to do some multiplication and say “Puh! We didn’t have them things in MY day“, and prove it by asking for some big numbers and then piss you off by easily multiplying pairs of two-digit numbers in his head. My dad could do pairs of three-digit numbers, but would have to stare off into space for a second mouthing and moving his finger in the air. My generation – on the whole – couldn’t do this, but seems to me to be a little more in possession of average intelligence across the board. But when I meet today’s kids, I don’t meet many “average” kids, they all seem to be vidiot savants who can’t spell but can ace you on any video game known to man or fix your wireless network, or Einsteinian freaks who get Montessori training, business and accounting tutoring, and therapy twice a week. I personally think this can all be explained by the toys we had or have. And I have to add that if you ever want to take control of my mind, set me loose in a toy store for about an hour, and after the spontaneous hypnotic age regression that occurs, I will be a pliable drooling zombie drone that will do anything you say. The same thing happens when I browse the doodads on Amazon
Forget Festivus, Global Orgasm Day Is Coming!
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on December 17, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Thursday, December 17th, 2009Between Festivus and Global Orgasm Day, you can rest assured that the North Pole isn’t the ONLY pole that’s getting some action this time of year.
Christmas is just around the corner (which is why we’ve provided so many offbeat shopping suggestions recently), but let’s not forget that Christians and capitalists aren’t the only people who celebrate a holiday in December. I know, you’re saying to yourself “I’m an educated, culturally sensitive individual, I know all about Festivus, The Holiday for the Rest of Us!
Generation Triple Xmas – Holiday Songs For Millennials
[ 3 Comments ]Posted on December 15, 2009 by admin in Music
Tuesday, December 15th, 2009Yule probably be appalled by some of these XXXmas carols, but some are just good, dirty fun, and some are just plain…disturbing.
 I think Gunther has something a little different in mind for your yule log this year. |
I couldn’t help noticing this year that we seem to have killed Santa once and for all. As a generation raised by the miscreants we call baby boomers come of age, and millennials become the new target consumer demographic, the spirit of poor Santa is doing its final death dance in the brutal daylight of rationality and cynical realism. Always on the lookout for an audience to pander to, we’ve therefore rounded up the naughtiest, bitterest, and most disturbing Christmas music and videos we could find. First of all, to highlight the generational difference we’re referring to, check out the two clips below. The first is the sentimental and totally out-of-touch-with-reality 80′s song “Do They Know It’s Christmas”. To address two of the burning issues in the song: 1.) No, they don’t fucking know it’s Christmas, most of them aren’t Christian, and it’s Africa, for cryin’ out loud, and 2.) No, you’re right. There won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas, except of course in places like Mount Kilimanjaro. Duh. Anyway, enjoy the bad hair and slightly bloated rockers: Read the rest of this entry »