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Reindeer Games Rudolph Wouldn’t WANT To Join In

Topics: Holidays | 1 CommentBy admin | December 22, 2009

For some, the holidays can be a bitter time. Especially for Flash game developers, I guess. Help Rudolph get revenge, and see how many employees Santa can slay with this weeks holiday-themed games of violence and vengeance. And what is it with game developers and spelling, anyway?

Finally, a reindeer game even Rudolph can
get behind. Or in this case, in front of.

Sadly, for some people the holiday season is a time of frustration, anxiety and resentment. And apparently, this is especially true for Flash game developers, who probably all grew up as misunderstood misanthropes who never got what they wanted at Christmas because their parents didn’t understand their genius. Well, they’re silently eeking out their revenge; we went looking for fun and happy holiday-themed games to keep you amused this week, but were surprised by how many were based instead on violence and vengeance. We could understand Rudolphs Kick n’ Fly, in which Rudolph kicks elves into the air (much like Kitty Cannon), because no one really gets hurt, and Rudolph has every right to be upset after the abuse he received as a child. But Rudolph’s Revenge is downright ruthless, with a scrappy, gun-toting Rudolph that looks like he’s been working at the North Pole meth lab for too long. And why does Santa need a gun? The truth is, both Serious Santa and Santa’s Vegneance tease your inner psycho with sinister Santas who look like they’re out for blood in intense first person shooters, and then the games actually serve up silly little pixelated Santas that only move in two dimensions. Jingle Ballistics is doubly misleading; there are no bullets, and not much jingle, just a choice of a snowman, an elf, or a sullen Santa for one-on-one boxing matches. In the continued mind-numbing search (I say mind-numbing because I for one really am not a gamer) for something a little chippier to keep you amused, we thought maybe we’d find a clever or cute snowball game like Snowcraft, and ran across a little journey into psychosis misleadingly called Snowball Holiday Flash Game. It took a minute to realize that the the weird things hanging in the viewframe weren’t curtains, but an anime girl’s hair, and the little penises that kept popping up were little arrows telling you where to go. Not having much interest in dressing up to pretend to be a little Japanese girl, we didn’t get far enough to see if there actually WAS a snowball game somewhere in there. Weird. If you try it, let us know. Game designers also seem to have a certain fascination with Santa or the elves falling off roofs, so we have games like Elfquilibrium or Sober Santa (again, a misnomer, he’s DRUNK!), and there are also a lot of games where you shoot people, elves, or other things as you collect presents, as in Christmas Attack Game or Wrap Attack. The latter, like the Santa games mentioned, teases with heavy metal and sinister images, and disappoints with crappy country rock guitar and sissy graphics. Inevitably there are also games this time of year developed by tech or media companies (that’s where Snowcraft came from back in 1999) and this year we have Santarider, brought to you by PPC management software company Acquisio. I have a feeling someone over on the development team derives a perverse pleasure from knowing how hard it is to not kill their fellow employees as you try to keep Santa’s sleigh aloft. So anyone know of any nice holiday games we can play? Feel free to share. I’m feeling a bit scrooged.

No, those aren’t window dressings, it’s a girl’s bangs, and that’s an arrow, not a penis. Snowball Holiday Flash Game is more like surreal anime girl version of Being John Malkovich:

No wonder Rudolph wants revenge. I think he’s been spending too much time at the meth lab.
And what is it with gamers and spelling, anyway?

Games like Serious Santa and Santa’s Vegneance promise this…..

…but give you this:

Likewise with Wrap Attack, which promises a bad-ass elf….

…but gives you tinkerbell:

And see how many Acquisio employees you can take out with Santarider:

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