3 Weird Holiday Movies To Break Up Your Media Monotony
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 13, 2009 by admin in Popular Media
Sunday, December 13th, 2009Santa Claus Conquers the Martians Conquers My Criticism, The Hebrew Hammer Invents The Expl-oye!-tation Film, And The Star Wars Holiday Special Redefines Horror.
Tired of the same old holiday movie fare like “It’s A Wonderful Life”, “A Miracle On 34th Street” and “A Christmas Carol”? Well, beyond the cultish and clever movies like A Christmas Story
A Yidiot’s Guide To Hannukah
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on December 11, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Friday, December 11th, 2009The closest a lot of Christian Americans come to religious tolerance is eating Hebrew National hot dogs at baseball games, but the fact is, Christmas wouldn’t be what it is without the influence of Jewish people. Especially that Jesus fellow.
 For some reason, George Bush really seemed to connect with the idea of the “miracle of the container of oil”. |
If you’re someone who celebrates Christmas because you’re, um, maybe a little bit Christian or something, you may wonder why you should concern yourself with the annual celebration of Hannukah. I mean, beyond being all Christian-like and tolerant of other people’s faiths and whatnot. Well, let’s take a moment to remember a few things, some of which you may already know, some of which will surprise you. First, you wouldn’t even have a saviour, if it weren’t for those Hannukah celebraters. Jesus was Jewish, you know. Very Jewish. And for that matter, if you believe what you read in scripture, the WHOLE WORLD might not be here if it weren’t for those folks who wrote the bigger part of your favorite book. Moses? Noah? Yup. Jews. So while you’re all busy being tolerant, remember that they were here first, and so actually they’re being tolerant. They don’t believe in your God man, but rarely give you any crap about it. In fact, as this Slate piece points out, they’ve gone out of their way to play nice and do the gift giving and tree thing. I don’t think Jesus recommended those activities anyway, but whatever. It’s the thought that counts. So if you don’t know anything about Hannukah, take some time to read up, kids. Because without the people that celebrate it, you wouldn’t have on the Levis you’re wearing while you sip that Starbucks coffee as you take a break from buying DKNY and Kenneth Cole gifts at Macy’s. And while you’re reading up, put on some nice Jewish music. This will be easy, because as we pointed out the other day, most of your favorite Christmas songs were written by Jews. Read the rest of this entry »
December Holidays: Pearl Harbor, Henry The Hand, And Human Rights
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 6, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Sunday, December 6th, 2009After 51 weeks of filthy hands, finally some relief, and why I’d like to propose we combine Pearl Harbor Day and September 11 into a single holiday called Sway National Sentiment By Ignoring Intelligence Day.
December is – as we all know – probably the busiest month for holidays. Probably because in much of the capitalist world, it’s dark and gloomy about 18 hours out of every 24, so there’s nothing to do but try to make yourself feel better by eating, shopping, and stringing pretty lights and candles all over the place to ward off the depression. So we’ll get to the biggies like Christmas, Hannukah, and Kwanzaa next week, but before all the holiday cheer begins, let’s pause for a moment of somber reflection on Pearl Harbor Day, which has become an excellent time to remember the events of September 11, because, well, they probably came about in the same way. Of course, the average flag-waving American will probably want to wash their hands of any such talk immediately. This is convenient, because December 6th through 12th is National Handwashing Awareness Week. Which kind of leaves one wondering what the hell people do with them the other 51 weeks of the year. In any case, let Henry The Hand’s sniff test help you clean up your act and rid the world of the filth being spread by evil characters like his likely arch-nemesis, Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo. And much like the one week of clean hands a year, you’re also allowed human rights for a day on December 10. This seems to be a less-than-hot-topic for the UN; as of this writing their human rights home page makes no mention of the holiday, and the most recent item in the “news” section is from April. So just enjoy your silly human rights while you still have some. Like mom always used to say, “there are kids in [INSERT COUNTRY NAME] that are starving for human rights“. Okay, maybe I’m misquoting mom a bit. In any case, like we said, we’ll be back with thoughts on the “real” December holidays next week, but in the meantime we have several pages of shopping ideas for you. Oh, and don’t forget. Global Orgasm Day is coming. Read the rest of this entry »
Holiday Mind Games – Fun For The Whole Family!
[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 28, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Saturday, November 28th, 2009We all have those moments during the holidays when we wish we had Jedi mind control powers. Well know we can, with some amazing high tech toys that are controlled by neural impulses!
  You’d think if you had Jedi powers you could make yourself not look like a dork for the camera for a second |
During the holidays, we probably all have moments in which we wish we could use some kind of Jedi mind control to alter the course of events. Well, now you can! It’s funny that while many of us struggle with the remote control, there are games for kids that are based on using neural impulses as controllers. For the low budget (and the perhaps the low expectations) we have Star Wars Star Wars Force Trainer
There’s More Than One Way To Stuff A Turkey
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 26, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Thursday, November 26th, 2009Let’s take a moment to think about the 45 million turkeys that gave their life in the war against our hunger today. And after doing so, commence to shootin’ ‘em again.
We shared some more somber Thanksgiving thoughts here today, but if you were looking for somber, you’d be reading the emo blog whimperings over at xanga.com, right? We know you really just want something to kill the time while you do your best to appear mentally and emotionally present at your family dysfunctions for today, so we’ve rounded up some flash games you can play while you pretend you’re just checking text messages or whatever. We’ve observed before that there’s an odd tendency for Flash games to focus on doing cruel things to helpless animals, and Thanksgiving is no exception. First up, and probably least cruel, we have Turkey Fling, in which – you guessed it – you fling a turkey. Probably not as gratifying as Santa Toss, but there’ll be plenty of time for that in December. A little higher on the cruel curve we have Turkey To Go. If your bald turkey doesn’t collect feathers fast enough, he’s totally forked. And of course, no themed game roundup is complete without a first person shooter, so we have the aptly named Turkey Shoot. Careful though, they do. And if you’re an elficidal vegetarian who loves rave music but hates Christmas, you’ll love Xtreem Xmas Turkey. As a headless turkey armed with a medieval halberd, you slaughter angry elves, before they slaughter you. And if you’re such a Flash game-obsessed twit that you even get your cooking tips from Flash interactives, we have Cook A Turkey. So have fun, kiss grandma for us, and have a great Thanksgiving. Whatever you’re doing, you’re probably having more fun than the estimated 45 million turkeys being devoured across America today!