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Ten Best Cars for Driving Off a Fiscal Cliff

[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 11, 2012 by admin in Politics

Sunday, November 11th, 2012

DC Gridlock usually prevents economic policy from moving from desk to desk, let alone off a cliff. But just in case, you may as well be prepared.

Fiscal CliffNow that the presidential election is over, it’s clear that the media has decided that their favorite new buzz phrase will be “Fiscal Cliff”. It’s only been a week, and any sane person is probably sick of hearing it already. But what gives? Apparently the trillions of dollars in debt and deficits we’ve been running for years suddenly matter? Did the money printing machines break down or something? Someone please fill me in. Personally, I don’t see what all the panic is about. Given the gridlock in Washington, I can’t imagine how legislators are going to drive anything ACROSS TOWN, let alone off a cliff. But this got me thinking. If you were going to drive off a cliff, what would be the ideal vehicle? Below is a quick roundup. Read the rest of this entry »

How Your Political Rants on Facebook Killed Our Bumper Sticker Sales

[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 13, 2012 by admin in Politics

Saturday, October 13th, 2012

If everyone is spending all their time expressing their quadrennial political expertise on Facebook, they hardly have time to DRIVE their cars, let alone buy bumper stickers for them. These are the early ideas for our abandoned novelty products for the 2012 election cycle.

Obama Drone
What better symbol for America
than a pilot-less war machine?

This has been a depressing election year. No, not because my side is losing. I’m not on one. It’s too hard to tell which side of any line these clowns are standing on. Mr. Rope-a-Hope sold out to the insurance industry to force health care on all of us, and his presidency is ironically well-represented by one of the things he gets the most flak about from his own base. What better symbol for our country right now than a pilot-less machine of war? And in the end – if he wins – Moderate Mitt will probably be more like that moniker than you think. Clearly, they scraped cells off Reagan’s body back in the 80′s, and have grafted them onto Romney to create the next meat puppet president. The transmogrification was nearly complete by the first debate. If you closed your eyes whenever Mitt spoke during that debate, you would SWEAR it was Ronny up there on the podium. Romney has even perfected that weird, breathy, Reagan vocal mannerism; if he just adds that odd head bobble of Reagan’s, the effect will be complete.

But that will only endear him SLIGHTLY to a “real” Republican, and Obama has the same problem. Democrats have one of the worst collective cases of buyer remorse since Carter first donned a cardigan for a fireside chat while his redneck brother crawled from the woodwork to market Billy Beer. And that creates a problem for people like me; it’s hard to work up some decent antagonistic campaign parodies when both sides hate their OWN candidate. The most positive responses I’ve gotten when lambasting Obama have come from bleeding heart liberals, and any protest from my conservative friends when I poke fun at Romney have been like the final punches of a fighter that knows that even if there’s no way they’ll take the title, there’s NO WAY they’ll stop punching ’til they actually go down, even if their punches ARE more like the open-handed sissy slaps I got when fighting my sister in third grade. In this cannibalistic environment, where partisans are eating their own, the best we could come up with in the last couple of years were things like the Donner Party  and the Punk Party.

But you know what makes matters even worse? YOU. In case you haven’t noticed, your political posts on Facebook are the REAL joke. The level of Read the rest of this entry »

Best Politician Of 2011

[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 26, 2011 by admin in Politics

Monday, December 26th, 2011

One thing you may want to avoid if you ever go into politics is getting on our annual Best Politician list. Of last year’s contenders, two are dead, one was ousted by crazed bankers from his Caligula-like Videocracy, two are facing civil unrest on a scale not seen in Russia since the early 80′s, and one was terribly disfigured during his transformation into a Sith Lord.

One thing you may want to avoid if you ever go into politics is getting on our annual Best Politician list. Of last year’s contenders, two are dead, one was  ousted by crazed bankers from his Caligula-like Videocracy, two are facing civil unrest on a scale not seen in Russia since the early 80′s, and one was terribly disfigured during his transformation into a Sith Lord. Between the horde of GOP candidates struggling for identity and the general upheaval around the globe, this wasn’t easy. In the end, part of the decisions were based on the idea that our list may actually have some magical power, and that perhaps including them would aid the nominee’s exit from office. In some cases we dropped nominees because of strong contenders self-destructing, like Herman Cain. We omitted a lot of small players domestically too, like the Democratic mayors around the country that used militaristic police state strategies to oust harmless Occupy camps, and only included Mayor Bloomberg because he’s such a great example of the Dickensian overlords that dominate politics in America today. Plus it was a great opportunity to link to the video in which Keith Olbermann rips him a new one. We may do a followup if the GOP resorts to cage-fighting to pick a winner, but in the meantime, please help us pick our Best Politician of 2011. Read the rest of this entry »

Occupy Libya

[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 9, 2011 by admin in Politics

Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

We are 99 percent sure this will happen. Put on your tin foil hat for a moment, and you will be too.

Occupy LibyaA few days after September 11, 2001, I was sitting talking with my nephew about the recent attacks on the US. Saddam Hussein was already getting lippy, and we joked that the Bush administration would use the Trade Center attacks as a pretext for invading Iraq, which seemed fairly preposterous at the time. We had a little cynical laugh that day, but a little over a year later, we weren’t laughing so much. Since then, I’ve found my tinfoil hat to be quite a stylish addition to my wardrobe. I put it back on recently when the alleged Iranian assassination plot made the news. I was having coffee with a friend, and before hearing any analysis about how looney it all sounded, we pondered what THIS could be the pretext for. Aside from that prepositional ending just now. One of the few figures that said it WASN’T looney was John Bolton, devoted Bush policy wonk and a key figure with the New American Century gang, the think tank that designed the bizarre and aggressive foreign policy implemented under Bush. I didn’t think much more of the fishy assassination plot until a few other things happened, inspiring me to do some superficial research. So make your own little tinfoil hat – it’s easy – and follow me for a moment down Conspiracy Lane. In six months, look back at this and maybe laugh, or maybe go “yeesh, that’s creepy”, but in either case I’ll bet you didn’t know about one of Libya’s greatest resources, which we’ll get to below. But first, a little refresher on recent events. Right around the time this kooky assassination plot was fed to the media, Libya was being torn apart by rebellion, and this of course was a handy way to get rid of another troublesome despot and his Prince-inspired wardrobe. So NATO pops in and does a bunch of the heavy lifting (or dropping, in this case), Gaddafi is hunted down like a dog, and conveniently killed before he can be brought to any kind of real international justice. This all is conveniently great PR too, it makes it look like America is supporting the “Arab Spring”, even though it’s already almost winter here. Almost at the same time, Obama announces the troop drawdown in Iraq, and while people are still jibber-jabbering about THAT, suddenly the IAEA releases the toughest report on Iran to date regarding their nuclear intentions, and Israel and Obama simultaneously start using the familiar “all options on the table” euphemism, which of course means Israel might strike Iran. So what does Libya have to do with Iraq, Iran, Israel, and the US? Well, the typical line of thinking of a paranoid conspiracist is that we’re going to “take Libya’s oil”. But that’s dumb, we’ll get the oil we need no matter what. It’s not like we suck oil out of Iraq and ship it to the US, we get it from a global cartel, and we’ll continue to get as much as we need until we have to fight China for it or something. Besides. Libya has something much more valuable in the middle east. Water. LOTS of water. In fact, more fresh water than the Caspian Sea, according to this source, and Gaddafi already did most of the work of making it accessible. We just have to stoke things up enough in the region by withdrawing from Iraq – which the media is already suggesting will encourage an Iran/Iraq Shiite uprising – let Israel get all testy and do some airstrikes, put some more Al Quaeda flags on government buildings in Libya, and VOILA! We have a full-blown occupation of Libya, a fantastically located place for US bases, with ALL THE WATER we need to whet our little war whistles. But wait, there’s a special bonus! It’s an election year coming up! How often do we elect a new president in the middle of a war that started the same year? To the best of my knowledge, never. Welcome to Occupy Libya. We are the 99 percent sure of this.

Occupy 101 – We Got 99 Problems But The Rich Ain’t One

[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 30, 2011 by admin in Politics

Sunday, October 30th, 2011

Some facts about the origin of OWS that even occupiers seem unaware of, and some thoughts about what and what not to wear, and what and what not to say.

Guy Fawkes Mask
We have a strict policy of not criticizing
Anonymous around here, so if you’re with
Anonymous, wear what you like. But for
the rest of you, this is not recommended
. It’s licensed property, so every
mask you buy puts money in media
conglomerate Time Warner’s pockets.

As the Occupy Wall Street movement enters its sixth week, I find it remarkable that the most basic facts about it remain a mystery to many. And perhaps more remarkable that so many who complain daily about the issues that the Occupy movement seeks to address sit on the sidelines, still bellyaching. I personally have been bellyaching about the banksters since 2008. After writing a few dozen articles about bailouts, corporate capture of government , and pork-bellied politicians and having even my best friends shrug nonchalantly, I sort of gave up. But my interest in social justice was revived in early September of this year, when I first read of plans for protesters to assemble in NYC. I wasn’t surprised when the media ignored them the first week, but before the end of the second week, I told like-minded friends that if they made it past the second weekend, I might have to go join them. When 700 protestors were arrested on October 1, I knew it was “on”, and also knew there was no way I’d get to New York within the next several weeks. So that day, I set up simple site at OccupyAnnArbor.org, and started looking locally for other people who were interested. Don’t believe everything you read about social networking enabling civil protest. It may work in some situations, but in many areas, the multitude of conflicting Facebook and Meetup.com postings actually caused as much confusion as solidarity. And in my opinion, Facebook discussions tend to do more damage than good – intellectual liberals engage in wheel-spinning debate that makes them feel like they’re actually DOING something, things get factionalized, and as I’ve felt compelled to point out – clicking “Like” won’t change the world. So, in spite of the fact that this hardly qualifies as a revolution yet,  Alexis de Tocqueville’s statement that “In a revolution, as in a novel, the most difficult part to invent is the end” is relevant all the same. We’re mostly going to stick to history and a little opinion here. As this clip about the 1946 Oakland strikes makes clear, things can change on an epic scale in a single day when people who just want a decent living for a day’s work are deprived of that simple luxury. Read the rest of this entry »

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