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« Older Entries | Newer Entries »GOP To Beef Up Class Warfare With Tanks, Cruise Missiles
[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 9, 2011 by admin in Politics
Sunday, October 9th, 2011Wealthy republicans declare war on nation’s starving, unemployed and homeless.
 “We won’t rest until the Middle Class Menace is wiped out”, promises Gingrich |
In yet another assault on the fragile, humble lives of the nation’s more affluent Republicans, hordes of educated but impoverished people nationwide are carrying homemade cardboard signs in public parks. To counter these senseless and brutal acts of aggression, Republicans like Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, and former CEO of BET Robert Johnson are declaring war. “Class War”, as they call it. “The violence and brutality of these working class people is horrifying! My wife can barely work up the nerve for a simple trip to Saks, for fear of having to look at all their hateful unemployedness”, a well-known GOP figure said, adjusting his flak helmet as he squared up for a putt on a secluded golf course guarded by Blackwater security teams and an array of surface-to-surface missile platforms. “Even my chauffeur is on edge lately”, he added. The Kevlar-clad chauffeur, who was standing nearby sipping a Compari and soda, nodded in agreement. “You should see the dirty looks we get when we have to drive near middle class neighborhoods”, he said, “it’s appalling”. As another gentleman set down his Chateau d’Yquem to tee up, he chimed in: “What is probably most frightening is the tattered frocks of entitlement they wear. I mean, if these working class people would just manage their hedge funds better, they could AFFORD all that silly healthcare they’re always whining about, right?” As the caddy set the ball on the tee, the group suddenly threw themselves to the ground in unison, shouting “INCOMING!” After a moment of awkward silence, everyone stood up and dusted themselves off, realizing the “invader” was just the butler walking across the green with a fresh tray of drinks. “JEEZUS, Jackson, why do you have to sneak up on us all ‘working classy‘ like that?”, one of the group asked. “War is hell”, he went on, “if the middle class is going to keep terrorizing us with their insane demands for things like employment, affordable medical care, and a decent education, they’ve got another thing coming. And you know what that thing is? A PREDATOR DRONE, that’s what. They want war, we’ll give it to ‘em. You think Iraq and Afghanistan were a big deal? Just wait ’til we’re done with the working class”.
Presidential Campaign 2012 – Bachmann Swingrich Overdrive
[ Comments Off ]Posted on March 26, 2011 by admin in Politics
Saturday, March 26th, 2011With a field that so far includes Donald Trump, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin and her understudy Michele Bachmann, the 2012 campaign trail promises to be more fun than a bucket full of clown noses.
 Gingrich eats his words so he can spit them out with a new preposition this fall. |
I’ve always felt that politicians embody the most vile manifestation of celebrity, with newscasters hot on their tails. We like “real” celebrities – movie stars and music artists – because they’re pretty, or funny, or put a song in our heart. Newscasting has always seemed to draw people who want to be admired in this way, but fall a little short of silver screen level “star quality” or “It Factor”. But politicians? Dear God. They’re often not very attractive, they talk about things you don’t understand, care about, and exactly 50% of the time don’t agree with, and then they want you to LIKE them so much you actually have to trudge out and SAY SO in a voting booth. Since they’re generally so unattractive and disagreeable, that means that in order to secure this love and admiration they so desperately need, they have to lie and cheat almost constantly. Which is why I was so excited about the idea of the Newt Swingrich 2012 campaign. As such a despicable spouse cheat and hypocrite, he’s well on the way to winning our 2011 Best Politician award. Let’s not forget that Newt was not only cheating on his wife while engineering the Clinton/Lewisnky impeachment circus, he also was one of the key architects of the Contract with America. An interestingly titled document, since the only Americans that actually signed it were all GOP politicians. A document that was also interesting in that it is often credited with giving the GOP a congressional majority for the first time in decades, when this was in fact already well on the way to happening. It was sort of like Reagan shouting “tear down that wall” at a time when this was almost certain to happen anyway. Good timing and good politics, but not really “good leadership” in the conventional sense. In any case, I have much more to be excited about this week than last week regarding the 2012 presidential race. If historians record this era in America with any accuracy, it will be remembered as the era that turned politics into the DC version of “American Idol”, and Frank Luntz – GOP pollster, strategist, and author of the brilliant Words That Work: It’s Not What You Say, It’s What People Hear
Newt Gingrich 2012 – The “Swingrich” Campaign
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on March 16, 2011 by admin in Politics
Wednesday, March 16th, 2011Newt Gingrich’s people told him he could capture the swing vote. He thought they said “swinger” vote. A campaign was born.
I can’t even begin to express how excited I am about the possibility of Newt Gingrich running for president in 2012. This is an even more exciting possibility than the Palyn/Quail ticket we’ve been petitioning for. See? I’m so excited I’m using prepositional endings! Unless you’ve been living under a rock like some kind of (ahem) newt or something, you’ve probably heard about Mr. Gingrich’s exploratory website* for the 2012 election. You know, the one that used the stock photo from an old Ted Kennedy site, instantly spawning a new internet meme based on putting the “awkward prom couple” photo in front of stock photos. If you’re wondering why Newt and Callista – the brittle porcelain princess by his side – look so awkward, it’s probably in part due to the fact that they’re worried about falling off the box they’re standing on. But let’s not be so superficial here. It’s more likely that they’re worried about falling from the massive pile of hypocrisy that their relationship is built upon. You may remember that Newt was leading the morality brigade that tried to destroy the Clinton presidency with a multimillion dollar impeachment travesty that was based on accusing Clinton of two things that are fundamental to political life: cheating on your wife, and lying about it. What never got much press was the fact that Gingrich himself was cheating on his wife while leading the charge. In fact, of the three wives he’s had, the only one he hasn’t been caught cheating on is the current one, who is herself the fling that ended his last marriage. In a compelling display of the Jungian Shadow at work, Newt explains in this interview on the Christian Broadcasting Newtwork that “there’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.” Note that unlike Richard Nixon or Bob Dole, who would at least use their own names to put themselves in the second person, Gingrich absolves himself of all responsibility for his actions with the phrase “things happened in my life“. Which is generally how he discusses the topic. Add to this hypocrisy and exemption of self from moral repercussion the fact that the guy is a compulsive liar who fabricates fiction faster than Steven King, and you have what should be considered a consummate politician, i.e.: a two timing, hypocritical liar. If Gingrich and Palin are even remote contenders in the 2012 primaries, stock up on the popcorn. This should be more entertaining than watching Fox News. Oh. Wait. It practically will be Fox News.
Greetings From Guantanamobama Bay
[ Comments Off ]Posted on March 8, 2011 by admin in Politics
Tuesday, March 8th, 2011Would you like to buy a lovely waterfront hideaway near Biraq Obamastan?
I can’t tell you how happy I am about President Obama’s recent u-turn on Guantanamo. It helped drive the last nail in the coffin of a peculiar naivete I had nurtured for a couple of years. It was fun being all starry-eyed for a while, but in my heart I knew it was all too good to be true. One of candidate Obama’s most clever and inspiring lines on the campaign trail – that “cynicism is a sorry kind of wisdom” – rings pretty hollow these days. In fact, my cynism is serving me quite well right about now, thank you very much. I need it to stave off the heartbreaking dissapointment I’ve been feeling because of candidate Obama’s bizarre transformation into president Obama. Recently, in response to the Rolling Stone piece about Psy Ops and politicians, we jokingly asked if indeed maybe American politicians were being brainwashed. As I lightheartedly pondered the topic, I remembered a joke I made with a friend when President Obama started sustaining Bush era policies. We agreed that “they” (you know, the Illuminati or whoever they are) must have taken him aside right after the inauguration, waterboarded him, and threatened him with the tragic demise of his family or something if he didn’t do exactly as they said. How else to explain the bizarrely Bushy behavior that our smiling, confident, man of change and hope was suddenly exhibiting? The cognitive dissonance was overwhelming for a while. I found myself making up all sorts of weird excuses for the president’s neocon-ish behavior. One was based on the fact that he and I are the same age. I’d ponder how we’d actually have a lot in common, and how I’d say to myself “Wow. Okay, imagine putting those presidential shoes on at our age. What a burden! What a challenge!” And, well…what a joke! The truth is that although we’re the same age, while he was entering Harvard with dreams of politics, I was pursuing recording contracts with my post punk synthpop, and generally detesting Harvard graduates and the values they commonly espoused. Who was I kidding? And while on balance I have to say – especially in light of the clusterfuck he walked into – that he’s certainly not a bad president, I could comfortably say the same of Reagan, Bush Sr, and Clinton. The fact is I just have incredible buyer remorse. But in the end, I’m thankful, because Barack Obama’s presidency has been part of a great lesson for me, especially in light of the recent civil uprisings around the world. And that lesson is that change won’t come from some guy in Washington, it will come from people like you and me, whenever we get off our asses and make it happen. And one final thought for you if you’re still a rabid supporter of Barack Obama. Go read these remarks of his from November 2007, or this ethics agenda from the same period, and tell me you still have faith in the man. Because if you do, I have some beautiful waterfront property in Cuba I’d like to sell you.
Are American Politicians Being Brainwashed?
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on March 2, 2011 by admin in Politics
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011Probably not. But I’m pretty sure the average American voter these days is a cult member.
 Although politicians DO seem to enjoy bizarre rituals like rubbing bundles of cash on each other’s heads for good luck, this should not be mistaken for brainwashing. |
Although it’s easy to assert the idea that voters are for all practical purposes masses of brainwashed individuals, it’s not often that we question whether politicians have been brainwashed. I mean, although the millions of lobby and corporate interest dollars that wash over a politician in their career is a little like brainwashing, at the end of the day, that shower of dollars is really just good old-fashioned lubrication. Or bribery, or whatever you want to call it. So it’s interesting that in spite of the fact that the recent Rolling Stone piece Another Runaway General: Army Deploys Psy-Ops on U.S. Senators never once used the word “brainwashing”, it prompted enough references to the movie The Manchurian Candidate
