Help us pick a winner. We thought we had one in Tom Delay, then he went and got CONVICTED, so this year we’ve opened the contest to international entries. The race is still tight with Gaddafi and Kim Jong giving Obama and Lieberman a real run for the money.
This is only the second year we’ve selected a “politician of the year”, so we haven’t sorted out all of the ground rules yet, but we assumed one rule would be that the same politician couldn’t win two years in a row. So Joe Lieberman and Barack Obama were originally not nominees, since they shared the award last year. Well, we’ve reconsidered. Since Obama keeps acting more like Bush than Bush did without even having Dick Cheney around to goad him on, and since an Australian hacker provided more transparency in government in one weekend than Obama has in almost two years, Obama’s back in. And Joe Lieberman’s sudden decision to appoint himself Lord Master of the Internet means he’s back in the running too. We thought we had a sure winner with Tom Delay; his gallivanting around on “Dancing With The Stars” while awaiting sentencing on money laundering charges was the most politician-like behavior we’ve seen since John Edwards got caught whoring around while his wife was dying of cancer. But then Delay went and got convicted, breaking the most basic rule of politics: Break any law you want if it means winning, just don’t get caught. So in the end, we decided we were limiting ourselves by only considering American politicians for the award. It’s like reaching into the same basket of moderately rotten apples hoping for a really wormy one and always being disappointed. This year, the award is going international, and we’re open to suggestions. We’ve presented some candidates below to get you thinking.
|Senator Lieberman will always be bubbling just beneath the surface of any political scum. When asked which party he’s in, he’s likely to respond with “Which one’s winning?”, and if asked what his values are, he’s likely to say “What are those? Oh, those things that get votes.” Joe gets bonus points for remaining indistinguishable from Emperor Palpatine.|
|President Obama is seen here kicking back while Julian Assange does all that tedious “transparency” work.|
|Disqualified until he appeals his conviction and wins.|
|President Putin is a hot favorite not only for his ability to run a global superpower with no shirt on, but for getting called President Putin a lot even though he’s actually the Prime Minister.|
|President Medvedev’s consummate political skills are evident in the fact that he can be president and not actually ever appear to be presiding over anything. We’re not sure what he’s doing in this photo, but we think he’s sniffing Russian democracy to make sure it’s dead.|
|Gaddafi is an eternal contender for the award, thanks to his ability to run Libya with an iron fist for 40 years while dressed like Prince. He also surrounds himself with Amazonian bodyguards like Prince, and has travel requirements (Five planes, a camel, a tent and 30 female virgin bodyguards) that rival Iggy Pop’s legendary tour rider . We’re also impressed with his ability to arrive at diplomatic functions with Berlusconi no matter how hungover he is.|
|Kim Jong, in spite of keeping his citizens impoverished and in total isolation to maintain his lavish tastes as a dictator, still manages to have the worst taste in eyeglass frames and hairdressers in the world. Bonus points for staying busy refining his Liberace impression while casually lobbing artillery rounds into South Korea whenever he’s feeling ignored.|
|We’re considering Nicolas Sarkozy because anybody who can be that revolting looking and convince Carla Bruni to marry him must have some exceptional negotiating or blackmailing skills.|
|Why is this man always smiling? Oh. never mind. Berlusconi makes the list for converting Italy into a videocracy while at the same time bringing back the kind of leadership Rome is historically known for. You know. Like Caligula.|