Holidays
« Older Entries |
Newer Entries »
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 12, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Sunday, December 12th, 2010
As if there are boyfriends that will.
We’ve already covered expensive Christmas gifts, forward-thinking inexpensive Christmas gifts, and gifts you’ll pray you don’t get from the weird guy at the office, but each Christmas something that astounds me is how so many women seem perplexed as to what to buy their man. I think the problem all starts with the terminology. You like to THINK you’re dating a man, but if you’ll take off the love goggles for a moment, and think about how he actually behaves, rather than how you’d like him to behave, you’ll quickly realize that there’s a reason that there are sayings like “Few women admit their age, fewer men act it.” It all becomes quite simple when you accept the fact that you’re really shopping for a little boy. If you don’t understand this, you’ll have to talk to his mom, or if you want to get all cerebral about it, read Puer Aeternus
by Marie-Luise von Franz. But there’s no need for all that, I’m here, and failing to grow up is kind of a specialty of mine. Although one thing I don’t get is the video game fixation so many guys have – the closest thing to a video game I’ve ever been obsessed with is Snowcraft or Stack The Cats – but otherwise, I get this, and have rounded up some suggestions below. But the rules are quite simple. If it goes vroom, flies, blows up, has boobs, or involves beer, you’re safe. The only question then becomes: do you want the gift to make him be around more, or go away? For instance, if you want him to go away, buy him tickets to a NASCAR race or coupons for a local beer joint. If you want him to stay around, buy him a radio-controlled NASCAR racer
, or a home brew kit
. See how easy this is?
Read the rest of this entry »
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on December 1, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Wednesday, December 1st, 2010
This Christmas, why not think about some gifts that will prepare your children for the seemingly inevitable dystopian and gender-confused future that awaits them? We’ve rounded up some affordable toys to help you do it.
Historically, Christmas has been a time for dreams and imagination, the excitement of toys under the tree, and for kids to escape the humdrum of winter with the magic of the holidays. But if you’ve been following the news lately, it’s hard not to get a sense that we’re on the edge of both world war three and global economic collapse. And while our leaders reassure us that random cavity searches and bank bailouts are only for our safety and well-being, we know that they know that everything’s about to fall apart and they’re just carving out their safety and well-being so they don’t end up on the wrong end of the stick in the totalitarian police state that is America’s future. Meanwhile, sexual and moral attitudes have never been more polarized; while the equal rights movement made some inroads, many are longing for a return to traditional male/female roles, while at the same time others are encouraging their kids to “out” themselves as early as pre-school. So this Christmas, maybe it’s time to think about buying your children toys that prepare them for their dystopian future, rather than helping them escape the confusing present. Below we’ve rounded up some toys that will help get your children ready for the catastrophes ahead, and whether you’re liberal or conservative, you’ll be surprised at how well some of these toys will work for either partisan agenda. Read the rest of this entry »
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 28, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Sunday, November 28th, 2010
This Cyber Monday, we’re exploring the REAL Island Of Misfit Toys: the strange and disturbing products in Amazon’s “Sexual Wellness” department.
Last year on Cyber Monday , we compiled a list of the weirdest things we could find on Amazon. This year, we thought we’d “push the poor taste envelope” a bit and instead of just rounding up the weirdest things we could find on Amazon, we thought we’d round up the weirdest things we could find on Amazon’s sexual wellness section. For the record, after spending an hour or so “researching”, we’re not so sure about the “wellness” part. So although we’ve spared you the more offensive items, if you’re the least bit prudish and are looking for gift ideas, we recommend maybe checking out Amazon’s regular Cyber Monday specials. But if you’ve never delved into this section of their site – it’s buried under “Health & Personal Care” and items don’t show up in normal searches – then join us for a brief excursion to the real Island of Misfit Toys. And pray that the creepy nerd three cubes over who visits our site isn’t your Secret Santa. For the most amusement, try guessing what the items are before reading the details. Sometimes a flashlight is just a flashlight. Sometimes it isn’t.
Read the rest of this entry »
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 26, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Friday, November 26th, 2010
Eventually, those spoiled and entitled little brats you see at FAO Schwarz grow up. And become spoiled and entitled ADULTS. Here are some expensive holiday gifts for the person who has everything. But wants more.
One of the unfortunate side effects of the Christmas season is that all of your favorite websites suddenly become a massive blogjam of crazy and expensive gift ideas. This online shopping linkfest isn’t necessarily a bad thing; as we all know, shopping in person can actually be lethal. But rather than compile lists of the kind of hi-tech doodads you’ll find on NewEgg’s holiday pages
or Amazon’s Cyber Monday specials like everybody else, we thought we’d focus on gifts for people that really matter, i.e.: people with seemingly limitless disposable income. We already covered some gift ideas for their precious little snowflakes, but eventually, whiny entitled children will grow up, and become whiny entitled adults. Which is why in this roundup, we’re featuring items like the 3 Carat Diamond Pacifier pictured here. Kill two birds with one stone (actually 278 of them), with the perfect gift for that spouse or partner who never seems to stop whining no matter how much you spend. Put your money where their mouth is for just $17,000. Isn’t it amazing how much money you can blow on Amazon these days? Below are a few more expensive gift ideas for the person who has everything. But wants more. Read the rest of this entry »
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 24, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Wednesday, November 24th, 2010
Let’s try to remember that there’s more to life than shopping. But first, let’s do some shopping.
So, it’s Thanksgiving. For many of us, a time to give thanks for what we have, and experience the joy of copious amounts of meat and side dishes with loved ones. But for probably just as many of us, a day to avoid the psychodrama of family gatherings by playing dumb turkey and Santa themed Flash games, or more importantly, to SHOP. Yes, probably the most important thing about Thanksgiving is that it’s a reminder that it’s one day before Black Friday and three days ’til Cyber Monday on Amazon, or that there are still over 13 million songs you haven’t bought on iTunes,
and that Christmas is only 30 days away. This year, I’m thankful for many things, a few of which I’ll share below. But on behalf of Dissociated Press, I want to thank YOU for visiting, and supporting our advertisers. Although the site is far from profitable, it’s finally making money, and maybe next year I can be giving thanks for an actual salary! Until then, I’ll keep trying to serve up amusing turkey recipes, offbeat Christmas shopping ideas, and the general hokum, hooey, and horsefeathers that we call “content” around here. Below are a few of the things I’m most thankful for. What about you? What are YOU thankful for? Read the rest of this entry »
