One of the unfortunate side effects of the Christmas season is that all of your favorite websites suddenly become a massive blogjam of crazy and expensive gift ideas. This online shopping linkfest isn’t necessarily a bad thing; as we all know, shopping in person can actually be lethal. But rather than compile lists of the kind of hi-tech doodads you’ll find on NewEgg’s holiday pages or Amazon’s Cyber Monday specials like everybody else, we thought we’d focus on gifts for people that really matter, i.e.: people with seemingly limitless disposable income. We already covered some gift ideas for their precious little snowflakes, but eventually, whiny entitled children will grow up, and become whiny entitled adults. Which is why in this roundup, we’re featuring items like the 3 Carat Diamond Pacifier pictured here. Kill two birds with one stone (actually 278 of them), with the perfect gift for that spouse or partner who never seems to stop whining no matter how much you spend. Put your money where their mouth is for just $17,000. Isn’t it amazing how much money you can blow on Amazon these days? Below are a few more expensive gift ideas for the person who has everything. But wants more.

8 Carat Heart Shaped Diamond	As the old saying goes, “nothing says ‘I love you’ like a superficial and overvalued rock clawed from the guts of the earth by African slave labor“. And nothing says “damn, I’m rich” like buying 8 carat diamonds with the click of a button. And after spending $932,700 on it, you’ll also be pleased to know that it ships for FREE with Super Saver Shipping.
Elite Serenity Tub	Flagrantly flaunting your disregard for human suffering and poverty by wearing million dollar baubles is exhausting, and at the end of a long day of shopping and verbally abusing your illegal immigrant help, you deserve a break. To continue displaying your contempt for the starving masses even while you relax, it’s always nice to bathe in milk, champagne, or the blood of virgins. Which will of course wreak havoc with most modern home spa tubs, so we recommend the Elite Serenity Tub. Solid bronze, and only 84,000.00.
Golden Osetra Caviar	In terms of pointless ostentation, probably nothing beats obsessing over the quality of tiny salty eggs harvested from endangered decades-old sturgeon. In terms of quality, you can’t go wrong with Golden Osetra Caviar. And in terms of quantity, you can’t beat two pounds of the stuff for just ten grand. Like Stalin said: “Quantity has a quality all it’s own“.
Winter Black French Truffles	Whenever I think of truffles, I think about lobster and crab. Not for culinary reasons, but rather for anthropological reasons. In much the same way that one might muse about the first person that ate lobster – you know, how he must have been pretty damn hungry to say “Mmmm! that looks tasty!” – I often wonder about the first person to eat truffles. I mean, who follows a pig around looking for something to eat, and when the pig finally finds a peculiar fungus in the dirt, says “wow, I better try some of that”? Don’t let my provincial attitudes stop you from enjoying some though. Only $672 for seven ounces, or $7,796 if you want to stock up and grab a case.
Bark Avenue Diamond Bone Pendant	We’re not sure if this is intended to be worn by a pet or a partner. Set with less than a carat in diamonds and costing $1295, the Bark Avenue Diamond Bone Pendant could be the ultimate in backhanded insults to the ignorant spouse that you “married down” to. However, one likely outcome for the entitled little princess we mentioned in our other expensive gift roundup is that they’ll end up being that weird and solitary rich lady that walks down the street in her fur coat talking to the little yappy dog she’s carrying. So this may be the perfect gift for the woman who has everything. Except a non-ex-husband.
Litter Robot Self-Cleaning Litter Box	At first glance, this may look like some sort of robotic replacement body for aging cats, or maybe even a cat disposal unit. It is in fact though a Litter Robot Self-Cleaning Litter Box. We only included it to give equal time to crazy rich cat ladies who might want to buy a few for the 37 cats that are their only friends. They won’t make much of a dent in the inheritance either, at only 329 bucks a pop.