Valentine’s Day 2012 – It’s Not The End of the World

[ Comments Off ]Posted on February 13, 2012 by admin in Holidays

Monday, February 13th, 2012

But it COULD be the end of a relationship. If you play your cards right. Ten easy ways to help get rid of that special unwanted someone in your life.

The End

Are you trapped in a dismal relationship, dreading Valentine’s Day even more than usual this year? Well put your mind at ease, because this is your time. Why? In case you forgot, we’re all going to die in some kind of end-of-the world scenario this year, like maybe Chicken Shawarmageddon. What better time to end a relationship than The End of Days? We’ve served up plenty of strange Valentine’s Day gift ideas  before, like Last Minute Valentine Gifts For Romance Impaired Misogynists, and Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas To Win Back Your Ex-Girlfriend. But this year, why worry about your existing ex, when you can make a new one? And if you want to make sure someone gets out of your life forever, what better day than Valentine’s Day? There’s no need to boil someone’s bunny, like in Fatal Attraction, or put a horse head on their bed, as in the famous kiss-off in The Godfather. Besides, in some cultures, the latter was historically considered an expression of love. No, giving someone the pink slip on Valentine’s Day will leave no doubt in their mind about whether it’s just a passing quarrel, and can be accomplished with simple and inexpensive gifts that say it all. So if you’re simply looking to dump someone, or, worse yet, if you’ve settled for an awkward half-baked solution that has left you in a position where the three words you dread hearing most as you make passionate love with the person that truly sets your heart on fire are “Honey, I’m home”, maybe it’s time to make a change. We’re here to help with the perfect gifts to break someone’s heart, instead of melting it. Read the rest of this entry »

Personalized Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on January 27, 2011 by admin in Holidays

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

Because you know, nothing says “personalized” like setting up a slave labor manufacturing facility in China and mass producing cheap gifts with customized messages on them.

If the passion is still there, the message
in the boxers should be loud and
clear without personalizing them.

Today I was searching for Valentine gift ideas on the web. Not that I have anyone to give them to this year or anything, I do this for YOU, because obviously, if you’re reading this, you’re someone who’s so unimaginative that you search the web for Valentine gifts. You NEED me. Which is why we have so many gift ideas for Valentine’s Day on the site. Anyway, you know how there are always those little suggestions at the bottom of the search results? Of course you do. I forgot. You’re the kind of person who searches the web for gift ideas. So two really caught my eye this year. One was “Valentine gift ideas for teacher”. At first I was all like “Oh. My. God. This whole thing with the sexy teacher love is really getting out of hand!”, imagining some 17 year old guy shopping for red teddies for his history teacher. Then it dawned on me that I’m a really sick person, and that it was actually pretty normal in grade school to give the teacher a Valentine, and that the current generation of soccer moms probably did this a lot as part of greasing the grade machine for their exhausted mommy-track children. The other search suggestion was intriguing though. It was “Personalized Valentine Gift”. Because you know, nothing says “personalized” like setting up a slave labor manufacturing facility in China and mass-producing cheap gifts with customized messages on them. So that’s what we’re bringing you today. Some money and labor saving tips for finding the perfect personalized Valentine gift. As opposed to those not personalized Valentine gifts that we’re always giving the only person we’ll ever love. Below are some strategies and gift ideas to get you going this Valentine’s Day. Read the rest of this entry »

Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas To Win Back Your Ex-Girlfriend

[ Comments Off ]Posted on January 15, 2011 by admin in Holidays

Saturday, January 15th, 2011

Five Valentine gift ideas that may help you rekindle the fire of love. Because boyfriends are easy to come by, but girlfriends have to be earned. Strangely, most of these gifts are for yourself.

Wherein we finally explain why pink roses
were chosen to express unrequited love.

For many of us, Valentine’s Day is a time for candlelight dinners, champagne, and romantic gifts to express our undying passion for our loved ones. But for some of us, Valentine’s Day is a time of composing and re-composing bizarre love letters to people who had no idea we were stalking them, or obsessing about the one who left us over a year ago,  by pounding a 12 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon while playing video games with our dorky friends who are still virgins at twenty-six. We’ve previously shared lots of off the wall Valentine’s Day gift ideas, but this year, we thought we’d take a look at the still suffering love-a-holic, and offer suggestions for how to win back that ex-girlfriend who was probably your last hope for any kind of healthy connection with humanity and a normal social life. First up, if you want to keep it classy and send roses, don’t send red or white ones. The traditional color for “unrequited love” is pink. I think I finally figured out the reason for this tradition. First of all, although roses are a beautiful flower, pink ones are somehow just, I don’t know, PINK. Their beauty pales in comparison to a bold red or crisp white. Pink was probably established for this purpose for two reasons. First, they prove that a guy really means it. Unless you’re a classic romantic, buying pink flowers are a sure sign that you’re GAY. And second, the second rate beauty of a pink roses makes it MUCH easier for a woman to chuck over a hundred dollars’ worth of flowers in the wastebin, which is almost certainly where the majority of pink roses end up. So you’ll probably want to skip the whole “unrequited love” thing. It’s pricey, and probably ineffective. Below are a few gift ideas to really help you win back that lost love. Strangely, most of them are gifts for you, because probably the only way you’ll win her back is by being the man you aren’t. Read the rest of this entry »

Unusual Valentine Gift Ideas For 2011

[ Comments Off ]Posted on January 6, 2011 by admin in Holidays

Thursday, January 6th, 2011

Didn’t I hear you cry this mornin’? Didn’t I feel you weep? I imagine it was because someone either made you listen to Firefall’s “That’s a Strange Way To Tell Me You Love Me”, or because that special someone in your life took our advice for Valentine gifts this year.

Just not feeling the magic about your romantic partner this year? Don’t feel like shopping for that special Valentine gift to show them how much you love them? Well, you could always move to Iran; apparently they’ve banned Valentine gifts this year. Or, you could rely on our trusty guides to unusual Valentine’s Day gifts that can help you show your love in ways you probably would have never thought of. And that your partner may wish you hadn’t. There are lots of creative things you can do for the one you love without buying them the classic heart-shaped box of chocolate and dozen roses. For example, nothing says “I love you” like a half-mile-wide heart made out of manure. But the fact is you don’t need a tractor and ten acres of poop to show someone you love them, you can just buy them weird crappy gifts on Amazon. And that’s where we come in. In previous years’  Valentine gift guides, we brought you the humorous, the expensive, and the slightly offbeat, but this year we’ve dug a little deeper into our heart – or at least the pages of Amazon, anyway – to bring you the truly peculiar. And this is just the teaser. We’ll have more unusual Valentine gift ideas in the weeks to come. Gift ideas below. Read the rest of this entry »