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[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 26, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Friday, November 26th, 2010
Eventually, those spoiled and entitled little brats you see at FAO Schwarz grow up. And become spoiled and entitled ADULTS. Here are some expensive holiday gifts for the person who has everything. But wants more.
One of the unfortunate side effects of the Christmas season is that all of your favorite websites suddenly become a massive blogjam of crazy and expensive gift ideas. This online shopping linkfest isn’t necessarily a bad thing; as we all know, shopping in person can actually be lethal. But rather than compile lists of the kind of hi-tech doodads you’ll find on NewEgg’s holiday pages
or Amazon’s Cyber Monday specials like everybody else, we thought we’d focus on gifts for people that really matter, i.e.: people with seemingly limitless disposable income. We already covered some gift ideas for their precious little snowflakes, but eventually, whiny entitled children will grow up, and become whiny entitled adults. Which is why in this roundup, we’re featuring items like the 3 Carat Diamond Pacifier pictured here. Kill two birds with one stone (actually 278 of them), with the perfect gift for that spouse or partner who never seems to stop whining no matter how much you spend. Put your money where their mouth is for just $17,000. Isn’t it amazing how much money you can blow on Amazon these days? Below are a few more expensive gift ideas for the person who has everything. But wants more. Read the rest of this entry »
[ 3 Comments ]Posted on November 21, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Sunday, November 21st, 2010
Ever wonder where people like Paris Hilton got their overblown sense of entitlement? Their parents bought it at FAO Schwarz and Neiman Marcus when they were five.
 
The only Ferrari you’ll ever
be able to afford: $2,564 |
As you struggle with the rude and poverty-stricken masses at Wal-Mart, using the new credit card you won’t be able to pay off to buy your kids enough presents that they won’t confuse your life with the one the Cratchits are living in the Disney 3D movie they’re watching
(in 2D) with no sitter while you shop, you’ll be glad to know that Wall Street bankers and DC politicians will have their own struggles. Like the annoying peon staff they have to endure when they buy their kids $15,000 gingerbread houses at Neiman Marcus or life-size stuffed ponies at FAO Schwarz. Below are just a few of the gifts bailed out bankers will be buying their kids with your tax dollars. (By the way, if you think we’re rushing this whole Christmas thing, maybe you should check out our weird and alternative thanksgiving ideas.
Read the rest of this entry »
[ 2 Comments ]Posted on December 19, 2009 by admin in Technology
Saturday, December 19th, 2009
With some random musings on why today’s kids shoot each other, why marshmallows are the new pink, and the fat old bastards who blocked my view at the hobby shop when I was little.
 
Marshmallow is the new black. |
If your dad was anything like my dad, he walked 17 miles to work every day in 6 feet of snow, barefoot, with a headwind both ways, and ate boot broth soup for lunch, so he could make 13 cents a week. He also might look at you funny when you used a calculator to do some multiplication and say “Puh! We didn’t have them things in MY day“, and prove it by asking for some big numbers and then piss you off by easily multiplying pairs of two-digit numbers in his head. My dad could do pairs of three-digit numbers, but would have to stare off into space for a second mouthing and moving his finger in the air. My generation – on the whole – couldn’t do this, but seems to me to be a little more in possession of average intelligence across the board. But when I meet today’s kids, I don’t meet many “average” kids, they all seem to be vidiot savants who can’t spell but can ace you on any video game known to man or fix your wireless network, or Einsteinian freaks who get Montessori training, business and accounting tutoring, and therapy twice a week. I personally think this can all be explained by the toys we had or have. And I have to add that if you ever want to take control of my mind, set me loose in a toy store for about an hour, and after the spontaneous hypnotic age regression that occurs, I will be a pliable drooling zombie drone that will do anything you say. The same thing happens when I browse the doodads on Amazon
, which I made the mistake of doing yesterday, and which led to this roundup of high tech toys I wish I had when I was a kid. Read the rest of this entry »
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 12, 2009 by admin in Technology
Saturday, December 12th, 2009
Thanks to these affordable high-tech surveillance gadgets, your workplace Secret Santa Stalker sees you when you’re sleeping, and knows when you’re awake.
You don’t know it, but this holiday season there’s a special someone who has their eye on you. Of course you don’t know it, because they’re keeping that eye on you with an Audio-Activated Hidden Camera by BrickHouse Security®
, which, as the product description points out, can “capture every detail even in low light situations“. Yes, for some the holidays are a time of love and cheer, for others, a time of loneliness and despondency, and for yet others, a time to enjoy psychotic fantasies of how much you’ll love them for the bizarre gift they can’t decide on because they’re so incredibly in love with you. In love with you the way Robin William’s character in One Hour Photo
is in love with the Yorkin family, but in love with you all the same. So far, their favorite gift idea for you is GPS lingerie, but they’ll agonize over this every sleepless night until Christmas, so who knows what you’ll end up with. You could cleverly and kindly let your high-tech stalker know that you’re on to them with a nice gift like a Spy Camera Watch
or a stylish Spy Camera Pen Hidden Camcorder
, but your effort would be futile, because whether you shopped on line or in person, they would know what you were up to, because they’ve already installed a Stealth iBot Password Logger
on your computer and an Escort Entourage GPS Vehicle Tracker
on your car. So what to do? They say the the best defense is a good *offense, so you might consider wearing a Tell Your Eyes To Stop Staring At My Boobs
shirt when you grudgingly go on a “just friends”, work hours holiday shopping trip with them, but they’d already have on their Tell Your Boobs To Stop Staring At My Eyes
shirt. No, your only hope is probably to scan your home and car with a SpyGear4U Bug Detector
and your office cubicle with a BrickHouse Security Sperm Detection Kit
, and hope for the best. Because, just like Santa, he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. So be good, for goodness’ sake. Read the rest of this entry »
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 5, 2009 by admin in Technology
Saturday, December 5th, 2009
Watch out, we’ve taken the time to round up a bunch of cool, not-so-cool, and interesting watches. None of which are second hand.
With the TokyoFlash Retsu,
You Look Cool But Never
Know What Time It Is |
I have what might be described as a poorly-manifested watch fetish. In the 90′s, I probably had two dozen watches. Fossils, Swatches, or any clever design that was in the discount bin near the checkout at stores like TJ Maxx. They all died slow, painful nightclub deaths of course though, and since 2001 I’ve only had one watch; the classic Museum Movado
. Its simple functional beauty and reliability is unparalleled. I laugh every time I dodge the $80.00 “Movado Authorized” battery replacement fee and void the warranty at a nearby jeweler that does it for the cost of the battery: six bucks. But even though I’m not likely to go on another watch-buying bender any time soon, I love a cool design, and the right watch is a superb gift, so we’re rounding up some interesting watches to give you some holiday gift ideas. If you really want to impress that special someone, and money is truly no object, you might consider one of the watches from this selection, which is topped off by the Patek Caliber 89 at $5,120,000. In these lean times though, even the most affluent might consider gold, silver, or real estate before a $5.1 Million watch, so let’s think a little more reasonably. Amazon, for instance, offers the Breguet Classique Complications Tourbillon Messidor
for a mere $131,669.99, which – before you complain – is $8230.01 lower than retail. But honestly let’s get just a little more real now. Personally, I’ve never been much of a Rolex fan; not even of the simple and classic Oyster Perpetual Explorer
(only $4,545!). Somehow, it’s the very message of quality and stability that the watch conveys that kind of turns me off. However, this gorgeous collection of Rolex Explorers designed by Hiroshi Fujiwara for Bamford Watch Department might make me rethink things. While the original is a little over $4500.00, these redesigns are priceless. Literally. I couldn’t find pricing info anywhere. Moving from the outrageously expensive to the unique and peculiar, there are flat-out goofy choices out there like the Nooka Zub Zot SpongeBamo
, the Flud Tableturns
DJ-inspired model, or the Pac-Man Limited Edition Pellet-Time Watch (only 500 made, and it comes with the game for your PC). And then there’s the nerdishly intriguing but ultimately absurd, like the “let’s watch TV on your wrist” Ultimate Style 8GB Steel MP4 Player Watch with 1.8 Inch Screen
or the Super Cool Mobile Phone Wrist Watch
. I think we can rest assured that anything with the words “Super Cool” in the name probably isn’t. If you’re more of a do-it-yourself type, there’s the Pong Watch concept by John Maushammer. It may actually be in production at some point, but for now, he’s just sharing how he made it. If you’re a little compulsive about dates, you might consider the Everyday Special by Mr Jones Watches. At $210, the full year will only set you back about $76,650. Which of course was not their intention; Mr Jones actually does some cool watches (the Cyclops is pretty fun, for instance), and the idea of course, is to pick a date that means something to you, not cover the whole year. But enough silliness, if you’ve seen the kinds of hip and unique watch designs that pop up on gadget blogs or sites like BoingBoing, they’re almost always from shops like TokyoFlash, Nooka, or trendy lines like Diesel. And if you’re looking for the TRULY innovative, Trendhunter has a roundup that includes things like the Pierced Wrist Watch and the Seiko E-Ink Watch for women. Below are more interesting timepieces available on Amazon. Read the rest of this entry »
