Stuffing a quail inside a chicken inside a turkey inside a goose lined with bacon is soooo 2009. Here are a few alternative turkey recipes for Thanksgiving 2010.
This hardly qualifies as a recipe, but it’s
an obligatory image for lists like this.
I don’t know if anyone really knows how turkey became the traditional Thanksgiving dinner meat in America. My guess is that it’s either because the bird presents such a large target when hunting, or it was revenge for all the humans that had been maimed in wild turkey attacks. Whatever the reason, we’re stuck with it. But if you’re looking for an alternative, you’re in luck. Thankfully, we’ve seen some turkey innovation in the last few years; we’ve all heard of the deep-fried turkey, and perhaps you’ve heard of Turducken. However, an impasse was reached a couple of years ago with that meat-stuffed-meat-stuffed-meat idea with the Bacon Turgooduccochiqua. The only way to go from there would be to put live Ortolan in the quail and stuff the whole thing in a goat, and that’s where I draw the line. So I thought we’d look into some new alternative Thanksgiving turkey recipes this year. We’ve rounded up a few below. Feel free to share any other weird turkey ideas we missed.
|Beer Can Turkey||There are those who believe that everything you cook will benefit from a little beer. In my experience, this sort of person also has a gun rack in their dualie, and refers to most of their relatives with odd hyphenated constructions like “brother-daddy”. Although the beer can turkey may have been invented in this kind of environment, it requires a little engineering, so maybe there’s more validity to this method than is immediately apparent. After years of suffering through Thanksgiving dinners featuring stuffing that’s either too dry, or a slimy raw egg mess, you can’t go wrong here – the stuffing is made of metal.|
|Dr Pepper Turkey||When I was a kid, I loved Dr Pepper. Then, when I was in my teens, a science teacher let me smell a cyanide compound that smelled remarkably like the mysteriously popular soft drink. I could never really enjoy Dr Pepper after that, but then, I’ve never tried it as a baste for turkey, either. Maybe it would rekindle the love. Or maybe it would make me physically ill. I’ll never know. But don’t let that stop you from trying a Dr Pepper Turkey this year. It probably beats the beercan stuffing above.|
||A Kahlua Turkey sounded kind of interesting. Then I realized it was KALUA turkey, and although I’ve enjoyed pork prepared with this traditional Hawaiian method, I’m just not motivated enough to dig a hole in the back yard and then cook Thanksgiving dinner. But if you go this route, maybe you could expand on the theme and serve Kimchi, or any other dishes you can think of that require a burial. Or cheat and use one of the oven methods, which rely on “liquid smoke”. Which to me sounds scarier than the hole in the ground method.|
|Vegan Turkey||To me the term “tofurkey” is almost – but not quite – as disturbing as the term “tofu tube steak”. I’m still trying to figure out who thought this was a good idea, and how they pitched it in the product development meeting: “Listen up everybody, I’ve got a great idea! Let’s take this food for people who hate meat, and shape it into…. a big piece of meat! ” To me this idea rates right up there with non-alcohol vodka. Or flightless birds. Which I guess is what started this whole thing, so maybe it works.|
||After the gut-busting, tryptohan and blood-sugar induced coma brought on by the consumption of a huge bird and waaaay too many carbs, what could be more appetizing for dessert than a huge shiny cake, loaded with more carbs and shaped like the huge bird you just ate? I think the only way you could improve on this would be to drizzle it with Dr Pepper and soak it in Kahlua. Or bury it in the hole left over from that Kalua turkey above.|