Archive for 2008
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[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 29, 2008 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture
Saturday, November 29th, 2008Bankers are people too, you know.
As you float along in a mild state of panic, slashing your food budget and wondering what will happen with your mortgage and your kids’ futures, have a heart and take a moment to think about the gold diggers and the men whose money they love, won’t you? It’s bad enough those poor Wall Street bankers are having to cut back on their mistresses, now their wives are turning on them too. Apparently, the heart-wrenching story in that last link could have been avoided by taking a cue from other cultures. See this how to beat your wife clip on YouTube (someone please verify the authenticity of the subtitles; that is downright creepy). Yes, divorces are on the rise on Wall Street. But don’t judge these people as materialistic and vain; according to Psychology Today, love has NEVER been a good reason to marry. Maybe these guys should have spent less time looking at their financial calculators and more time looking at their divorce calculators. As a male, things could be worse though. Just ask a Redback Spider.
Three Reasons To Skip Christmas This Year
[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 28, 2008 by admin in Holidays
Friday, November 28th, 2008Have a Chappy Chanukkah, a Frisky Festivus, and a Dope Kwanzaa
During the holiday season, it’s important to remember that Christmas isn’t the ONLY holy day celebrated in the month of December. First of all, on December 21 it’s time to celebrate Hannukah, which (much like modern western culture) is a celebration of the miraculous endurance of oil as a fuel. I usually celebrate by burning a fatty and playing Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Song repeatedly. Also on the 21st this year, we have Global Orgasm Day. I think you can figure out how to celebrate that one. When you’ve recovered from your afterglow, get ready for Festivus, “a holiday for the rest-of-us”. I honor this very special day by hiring a stripper and updating my interpretation of the festivus pole
Post-Palin Depression
[ 5 Comments ]Posted on November 27, 2008 by admin in Politics
Thursday, November 27th, 2008Election afterbirth and turkicide
Like a lot of pseudo-intellectuals, I’ve been submerged in a deep depression since the election. How are we going to talk about fixing the world’s problems if one of us is actually working on them? How could life be worth living without Sarah Palin to make fun of, and nut-jobs (okay, let’s show a little sensitivity, she has a disorder,after all) like Ann Coulter to whine about? And although some suggest only science fiction could save us from our economic woes, this Obama guy might surprise us. Fortunately, just when I thought my liberal intellectual angst had been rendered a relic, Ann Coulter did something we’ve all prayed for for ages, and got her mouth wired shut. And just in time for the holidays, the grizzly, Thanksgiving-themed Sarah Palin clip featured here showed up. Watch the guy in the background while she calmly rambles on in her repetitious, sound-bitey, youbetcha way.
Turgooduccochiqua Trumps Bacon Turducken
[ 4 Comments ]Posted on November 27, 2008 by admin in Holidays
Thursday, November 27th, 2008A quail inside a cornish game hen inside a duck inside a chicken inside a turkey inside a goose.
Just when I was sure the concept of gluttony couldn’t be taken any further, yes, it’s a Turgooduccochiqua. A quail inside a cornish game hen inside a duck inside a chicken inside a turkey inside a goose. With bacon between layers. Now if they can just figure out how to get in a tortilla wrap, brine it, deep fry it, smother it in American cheese, and serve it with ranch dressing.
What Are You Thankful For?
[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 27, 2008 by admin in Holidays
Thursday, November 27th, 2008Aside from prepositional endings?
I have a lot to be thankful for. Like the fact that there’s no editor here at DP, and I can use all the prepositional endings I want to. Or the fact that I don’t have to eat Thanksgiving dinner on the Space Station . Or a Bacon Turducken. Or anything from the Natural Harvest Semen Cookbook. I can be thankful that we finally have a new face in the White House, or that my city isn’t being bombed today. I can be thankful that even when I’m broke (which I am recently) I still have great friends who will help me out, and no imminent fear of starvation or freezing to death on the streets. Which is why I’ll be doing some volunteer work this morning, to try and give back some of what I get. What are you thankful for?