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Three Reasons To Skip Christmas This Year

Topics: Holidays | Add A CommentBy admin | November 28, 2008

Have a Chappy Chanukkah, a Frisky Festivus, and a Dope Kwanzaa

During the holiday season, it’s important to remember that Christmas isn’t the ONLY holy day celebrated in the month of December. First of all, on December 21 it’s time to celebrate Hannukah, which (much like modern western culture) is a celebration of the miraculous endurance of oil as a fuel. I usually celebrate by burning a fatty and playing Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Song repeatedly. Also on the 21st this year, we have Global Orgasm Day. I think you can figure out how to celebrate that one. When you’ve recovered from your afterglow, get ready for Festivus, “a holiday for the rest-of-us”. I honor this very special day by hiring a stripper and updating my interpretation of the festivus pole. After all the blunt smoking, orgasms, and pole dancing you’ll probably be too wiped out for Christmas, so on the 26th, have a dope Kwanzaa. Did I miss anyone? How do YOU celebrate during the holidays?