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Purrfectly Good Reasons To Miss Your Monday Meatings

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on May 4, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Monday, May 4th, 2009

Our usual Monday morning Flash game distractions, with an especially daunting challenge for our American readers: GEOGRAPHY.

Our Monday Demotivators have previously explored the mystery of why there are so many Flash games in which you do mean things to helpless animals, but you seem to enjoy this stuff so much we’re back with more. First up: Meowcenaries. Like so many of these games, it takes so long to load you’ll be ready to kill by the time it’s ready to play. This game is a little different, by the way, in that the violence is all cat-on-cat. If you’re looking for completely pointless human-inflicted cruelty, you’ll have to go shoot a puppy or something. Don’t get the wrong impression here though, I personally love animals. That’s why this week we’ll give equal time to PETA’s Cooking Mama Kills Animals game, designed to protest Nintendo’s Cooking Mama game, which PETA apparently feels exposes kids to ruthless meat murder unecessarily. Try the PETA game, and tell me which seems more brutal.  C’mon. Couldn’t you guys just offer up some vegetarian alternatives? Sheesh. We shouldn’t be surprised though, don’t forget that PETA is run by an insane woman whose will specifies that her body be used for a human barbecue and a line of accessories upon her death. Hmm. Is that even legal? Speaking of legal, we also have for you this morning Pick The Perp. Tips: Junkies always look sleepy, and drunks always look like they’re having fun when they get their mugshot taken. And lastly, as always, we have something for those of you like to actually use your brain on Monday morning. Though oddly, that would contraindicate having read this far. First we have Chroma Circuit, a pattern/color matching game. Pointless, but challenging. And since most of our visitors are American, we have what you will find to be an especially mind-boggling challenge: GEOGRAPHY. Start with (I know, it’s scary) The United States, and move on to the vast and barely charted territories of Canada, South America, Africa, and finally (gasp!) The Middle East.

Monday Demotivators – The Reality Check Edition

[ Comments Off ]Posted on April 27, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Monday, April 27th, 2009

Amusing Flash games to pass the time in the unemployment line.

We thought we’d start with a little reality check for this week’s Monday Demotivators. Our usual Flash-based fun turns to horror when you view this animated map from Slate.com. Hit the play button, and watch the jobs in America disappear. It’s either like watching the 2000 election unfold, or a nuclear strike map. Scary. Equally scary for some will be the Virtual Age Analyzer. Honestly answer the questions, and discover your life expectancy. My “virtual age” was two years lower than the real thing, and I’m gonna live to the age of 78. Phew. Now that we’ve instilled you with a little anxiety, let’s get back to the fun you probably came here for. First up, the annoyingly cute JellyJumper, brought to you by Logitech. I don’t know if anyone will buy a keyboard because of it, but maybe they’re banking on the idea that you’ll smash your existing keyboard in frustration. They also have a multiplayer version called JellyBattle. For those of you who fancy a game of golf this time of year, try Golfman. Although I enjoy neither golf nor Flash games, I was amused for a couple of minutes, just long enough to figure out I suck at on line golf as much as the real-life version. If you’re feeling a bit more narcissistic or need to jazz up your Facebook profile pic, someone has rounded up 28 web sites that let you upload and edit your photo. The site’s in Turkish, but a picture, as they say, speaks a thousand words. This time they’re just not in your native tongue. And as a peg that never seems to fit a hole, I’m convinced Flash Pegs will ruin your day. Its utter simplicity fools you into thinking you’ll ever advance to the next level. That should keep you busy through Tuesday. Happy Monday!

I Know You Don’t Know Jack, But Have You Met Seth?

[ Comments Off ]Posted on April 20, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Monday, April 20th, 2009

An attempt to bring a little intelligence back to our Monday time-wasters…

I had never noticed until yesterday the remarkable resemblance between the animated host of the web version of You Don’t Know Jack and the byline photo on marketing guru Seth Godin’s blog. Which is our odd segue into this week’s slightly brainier edition of our Monday Demotivators. We received a complaint last week that our little Monday tradition had “devolved from a thought-provoking Monday diversion into a desperate Flash game linkfest“. While that’s a fair observation, I feel obligated to point out that I’m pretty sure that that’s the whole idea here! All the same, I’m willing to consider the possibility that maybe we’re reaching the point that marketing guru Seth Godin calls The Dip, wherein it’s hard to tell if we’re just not pushing ourselves hard enough, or maybe it’s time to throw in the towel. Guess you’ll have to come back next Monday to find out. In the meantime, if You Don’t Know Jack, get to know him. It’s a simple game, but it requires a little intelligence to score well. Although popular as a computer game for over a decade, the TV version with Paul Reubens only lasted six episodes. For those who like a little word challenge to get the day rolling, try DeepLeap, “The Fast-Paced Time-Wasting Word Game!“. Kind of like Scrabble, except someone’s constantly shoving new letters at you. And kind of bridging (heh) the gap between using your mind and Flash game brain death, we have BridgeCraft, a cute, cute, cute little game in which you help little creatures called “Euwins” build bridges to help them rebuild their world. I find games like this rather annoying, so I think I derived more pleasure from just letting the Euwins drown by building faulty bridges. And lastly, for those of you who actually do enjoy Flash game brain death, we have Power Golf. Happy sandtraps, and Happy Monday!

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McMonday McMotivators – Would You Like Fries With That?

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on April 13, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Set your fast food ass back down for the Fast Food Edition of our Monday Demotivators.

Going to work on Monday morning is WAY over-rated.

I’ve always said that they call it fast food because you eat it fast, not because you get it fast. Which is applicable for this week’s Monday Demotivators, because most of these links load so slowly that the designers really should visit the PrettyLoaded preloader museum for pointers. First up: Given the general take on fast food employment, it’s kind of odd that someone would build a detailed simulation for entertainment purposes. Which is why Fast Food Frenzy is a little odd. Probably more popular is Fast Food Follies, wherein you play a black-clad “Michigan Militia” type who shoots up a fast food joint. Fast food games for educational purposes make a little more sense to me, which is why I find McVideogame amusing. The game requires you to manage every aspect of a fast food corporation, from cow to counter. Along the way you learn a little. For example, in the agricultural sector of the game, they point out that “If we had to rear all the cattle we need in our part of the world, our cities would drown in an ocean of cow shit. Pastures and soy culture need a lot of land and South America is one of the best places for it. Obviously you have to conquer your land as our forefathers did. Remember the old saying: “under every forest there is a lawn“. Lastly, for a mind-numbingly pointless fast food flash game (all you Stack The Cats addicts take note; you know who you are!), we have Fast Food Fiasco. Just re-arrange the fast food items to clear the grid. And if we’ve succeeded in our weekly attempt to make you late for work on Monday, hopefully you won’t stop at McDonald’s on the way. Between this fast food calorie counter and these nutrition fact comparison charts, it’s kind of a no-brainer. But if you need more demotivation, check out 15 signs you need to go on a diet. Would you like fries with that? Read the rest of this entry »

Visualizing Your Facebook Network

[ 3 Comments ]Posted on March 16, 2009 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Monday, March 16th, 2009

Four cool apps for graphically viewing your Facebook network

I’ve been fascinated with the visual mapping of networks of people ever since I ran across TheyRule.net in 2003. TheyRule is, on the surface, a fun, Flash-based way to see how the powerful and wealthy in America are connected. In their words, TheyRule “aims to provide a glimpse of some of the relationships of the US ruling class. It takes as its focus the boards of some of the most powerful U.S. companies, which share many of the same directors“. This kind of information mapping has come a long way since then (we’ve touched on Fleshmaps, Heatmaps, and Tag-clouds here before), to the extent that if you have a Facebook account, with the click of a button you can activate a variety of visual tools for sorting and viewing your network of friends. Visualiser, for instance, allows you to see how your contacts are connected to each other, and do filtering based on things like sex or relationship status. Facebook Mutual Friend Network Visualization seems to offer fewer sorting tools, but has a simple and attractive interface that shows friends as nodes that you can click on to change the focus of the network. FavMapper lets you explore a map of your friends’ favorite music, movies, and books with interactive animation, and lastly, TouchGraph Facebook Browser displays similar connections from your Facebook account, but does it based on the photos that friends have shared in their accounts.

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