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Monday Monkeying

[ 2 Comments ]Posted on December 29, 2008 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Monday, December 29th, 2008

Lives for the weekend


You’re a monkey. You have darts.
There are balloons. Any questions?

For all you poor souls whose jerk of a boss is making you work during the least productive week of the year, this is our last Monday Demotivator of 2008. Jeez. Just call in sick, will ya? Here’s some stuff to at least help make you late. A perfect brainless warmup is Bloons. You’re a monkey, you have darts, there are balloons. Should be manageable even before you finish the first cup of coffee. After you realize that you’re not even very good at being a dart-toting monkey, check out Superfollow. It acts sort of like a game, but then isn’t one. While your coffee kicks in, ponder what kind of job that guy must have that enables him to sit around all day designing Flash-powered gizmos that serve no conceivable purpose. Now that you’re finally awake, try your hand at Fancypants, fancypants. My pants must not be fancy enough. I killed a few spiders and became overwhelmed with a sort of nebulous sense of futility. Someone please let me know what happens after all the spider killing. And lastly, if you’re still hell-bent on this “going to work on Monday” thing, here’s a list of words you can’t use at the office next week when the rest of the staff is back, but you might be able to get away with this week. It’s amazing the words they come up with for things like “large European beetle with larvae that destroy trees and other plants”.

Monday Demotivators

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 17, 2008 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Monday, November 17th, 2008

Monday not going so well for you? Don’t worry, there’s another one next week.


This could be you…except
you’ll never be this cute.

It’s Monday, and maybe you’re having a hard time getting motivated to get back to the grind. So why bother? There are so many other things to do. Like sleeping more. Some claim sleeping in will actually boost productivity. After you sleep in, waste some time playing Mirror’s Edge 2D Beta. Apparently it’s a 2D Flash version of EA’s Mirror’s Edge
which (as a non-gamer) means almost nothing to me, but it’s amusing, and pretty slickly executed. After realizing you’ll never get past that one ramp, give up and get annoyed by the fact that a computer can beat you at 20 Questions (they claim an 80% chance). Although that site’s been around for a long time, the handheld version is still great for torturing and mystifying drunks at holiday parties. As a friend of mine often jokes: “How do it know?” After you’ve wasted enough time and had a little lunch, go ahead. Take a nap. It might save your life.

The Utility Of Futility

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 11, 2008 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

I hate computer games, but they’re great fluff content…

I don’t really enjoy computer games; they somehow only aggravate my ongoing sense of futility. Which might explain why the few that I am drawn to seem to have a high futility quotient. Like The Game, for instance. Perhaps more social commentary than game, you have to get used to the idea that sometimes diving into the abyss is the only answer. If you get past the “Global Warming” level, let me know. QWOP takes futility to a new level. You only control the calves and thighs of an Olympic runner, and have to run the hundred-meter. I found the most reward from creating Check Berry-like splits moves by just hitting the “W” key. And in a feeble metaphor for the workweek, try Run. An endless run to nowhere, the only real objective being to avoid the holes that lie in your path.

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