Five Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas
[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 24, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Sunday, October 24th, 2010As an adult, have you ever re-experienced that queasy feeling from childhood when your mom martyrously made a last minute Halloween costume with her “best sheet”? We’re here to help.
  This is a nice option. I mean, who doesn’t have a dead fish and a pipe wrench laying around the house? |
With the amount of time that seems to have been put into compiling lists of last minute Halloween costumes, it’s not surprising that they’re in such demand. It’s sad though; if the people that put together the lists had just gotten busy making their costume, this whole cycle could have been averted. If you’ve ever been in a last minute panic trying to create a Halloween costume, you may be familiar with that sick childish feeling of futility, the feeling you might have gotten as a kid when your mom forgot to plan ahead, and at the last minute is acting all martyrous while cutting holes in a sheet thinking she’s doing you a favor, when all your friends are dressed up in slick Darth Vader
15 Most Offensive Halloween Costumes For 2010
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on October 2, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Saturday, October 2nd, 2010Stuck for a costume idea this year? Let Amazon help with a bunch of tasteless costumes mostly based on sexual organs. Maybe do a “His & Hers” thing. But if you’re already a dickhead, this list won’t help much.
  Admittedly, in some parts of America this one wouldn’t be offensive, it would be a typical way to spend Saturday night. |
I like to think of Halloween as a fairly light-hearted affair; a time to either just get silly, or for the more repressed amongst us, to live out our secret selves. The latter probably being a good explanation for why so many supposedly straight men seem to get so enthused about dressing up in drag. My tradition tends to be to think up all sorts of great costumes well ahead of time, forget to create them, and then improvise at the last minute. One year this resulted in my putting on a black turtleneck, black pants, and attaching socks and underwear all over to go as “Static Cling”. If you’re ever in a last minute jam, remember – you can always grab some ping pong balls, shave your head, and go as Homer Simpson. But unfortunately, in these tense, post-politically correct times, some people have to take everything seriously. Last year’s controversy about this offensive “illegal alien” costume
November Holidays: I’ll Quit Smoking If You Quit Eating Like A Pig
[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 1, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Sunday, November 1st, 2009The pope tries to get the heathens back to church after a wild night of partying, more celebrations of death and war, and some health reminders as Thanksgiving approaches.
For all you faithless heathens out there, don’t forget that Halloween was just the evening before All Saints Day. Or so some Pope would like you to believe; it is widely agreed that the church chose the date to coincide with the Celtic festival of Samhain, so that they could point at all the celebrations going on and say “Look, they’re celebrating our holiday!“, or at least get all those rascally pagans back in a church ASAP. Like the rest of the year, a lot of November’s holidays are devoted to somebody killing somebody or at least trying to do so. On the 5th we have Guy Fawkes Night, which celebrates the guy that failed to kill the English aristocracy in the Gunpowder Plot of 1605. Yet another example of the little guy taking the fall for the intentions of the rich and powerful. Much like Veteran’s Day, which honors all the brave citizens who have done the dirty work when the politicians and generals decided it was time to start killing again. November’s also a big health awareness month. First of all, although the desire to make a joke that their seizures should be a dead giveaway is overwhelming, in the interest of taste I won’t go there. But November is also Epilepsy Awareness Month and the Epilepsy Foundation is running a slightly humorous campaign to do away with some common myths. The Alzheimer’s Foundation also has their rather ironically named Memory Walk campaign. Just make sure granny has her GPS unit if she joins you. Closer to my heart (and lungs) this year is the fact that it’s Lung Cancer Awareness Month, culminating in the Great American Smokeout a week before Thanksgiving. In spite of the fact that last year I was explaining Why Cigarettes Are Yummy, this year, I’m trying to quit. Later in the month, we of course have Thanksgiving, which between Native American slaughter, auto accidents, and gluttony (obesity is second only to smoking as a killer) has probably killed more people than cigarettes. So I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll quit smoking if you quit eating Bacon Turgooduccochiqua. If you happen to be a smoker who’s thinking about quitting, check out the Quit Smoking Counter, which tells me that if I had quit smoking at the beginning of 2009, I’d have $2016.00 more in my pocket, and six more weeks at the end of my life. Read the rest of this entry »
Happy Hollowmeme!
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on October 27, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Tuesday, October 27th, 2009This year, take an easy out and go as an Internet meme. We all know Halloween is really here to remind us that there are only 55 shopping days left ’til Christmas, and that Dachsunds taste great with mustard.
The other day, a friend asked me: “What are you gonna be for Halloween?” to which I replied: “Happy I survived another Michigan October!“. Let’s face it, the real purpose of Halloween is to remind you that there are 55 shopping days ’til Christmas, and that it’s time to pull out your Turgooduccochiqua recipe. My only Halloween plan this year is to call all my weight-conscious friends November 2nd and ask them if they want me to take all the mini chocolate bars off their hands, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have some costume ideas! A few of our ideas from last year are still pertinent; I have yet to see the amazingly simple-to-execute Surreal Homer Simpson getup at a party. But for this year, why not go as an Internet Meme? The folks over at Rocketboom have assembled a list for you, complete with product links to all the things you’ll need. To dress up as the Flying Spaghetti Monster for instance, all you need is rope
Jolly Diwaliween & Other Politically Incorrect October Holiday Ideas
[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 17, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Saturday, October 17th, 2009Did Diwali sneak up on you unexpectedly again this year? No worries, we have a solution. And like last year, the scariest thing about Halloween is probably the economy.
  The author of this article is an alien and is not offended by this costume. |
If you missed the fact that Diwali was a little earlier in October this year, we have a helpful tip. With Halloween only two weeks away, just carve your pumpkins early, stick candles in all of them, and celebrate “Diwaliween”. Just so you don’t make the same mistake in the future, here are the dates for Diwali through 2022. Also on the 17th this year, we have that dose of artificial sweetener called “Sweetest Day”, which – although charming on the surface – was actually created by businessmen in Cleveland in 1921 to sell candy. With equally shallow sentiments, we have United Nations Day on the 24th, when – much like the rest of the year – United Nations members aren’t. By the way, Diwali wasn’t the only celebration we almost overlooked; in case you weren’t aware that there’s energy, October is Energy Awareness Month. For those of you who need all your information in the form of an interactive Flash game, EnergyStar has graciously complied. Because you know, simply listing things would be boring. Who knew that turning off the lights saves energy? Personally, I think they could’ve saved a lot of energy by firing the person that created that interactive graphic. Still to come this month, we of course have Halloween. Last year, the scariest thing about Halloween was the fact that Ben Bernanke and Hank Paulson were in charge of averting global economic collapse. This year, the scariest thing is that they don’t seem to have fixed much; retail sales appear to be down about 18% for the season. Perhaps if retailers like Target stopped offending middle-income liberal elitists by selling tasteless “illegal alien” themed costumes, sales would improve. We’re not offended, so in the interest of a healthy economy, we’d like to point out that although Target pulled the product, Amazon and others haven’t. Buy one today