Generation Triple Xmas – Holiday Songs For Millennials
[ 3 Comments ]Posted on December 15, 2009 by admin in Music
Yule probably be appalled by some of these XXXmas carols, but some are just good, dirty fun, and some are just plain…disturbing.
 I think Gunther has something a little different in mind for your yule log this year. |
I couldn’t help noticing this year that we seem to have killed Santa once and for all. As a generation raised by the miscreants we call baby boomers come of age, and millennials become the new target consumer demographic, the spirit of poor Santa is doing its final death dance in the brutal daylight of rationality and cynical realism. Always on the lookout for an audience to pander to, we’ve therefore rounded up the naughtiest, bitterest, and most disturbing Christmas music and videos we could find. First of all, to highlight the generational difference we’re referring to, check out the two clips below. The first is the sentimental and totally out-of-touch-with-reality 80′s song “Do They Know It’s Christmas”. To address two of the burning issues in the song: 1.) No, they don’t fucking know it’s Christmas, most of them aren’t Christian, and it’s Africa, for cryin’ out loud, and 2.) No, you’re right. There won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas, except of course in places like Mount Kilimanjaro. Duh. Anyway, enjoy the bad hair and slightly bloated rockers: Read the rest of this entry »
Holiday Time Killers
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 14, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Scanning your butt on the office copier just isn’t as much fun since all the layoffs, is it.
 Scanning your butt on the copier just isn’t as much fun since all the year-end layoffs. |
We quietly discontinued our Monday Demotivators a while back, partly because we figured that with the national unemployment rate hovering around 20%, there was no-one at work to actually avoid it. However, last week we got an e-mail from a regular visitor complaining that now that he’s the only one left in his cubicle farm, he needs time-wasters more than ever. So here are some quick holiday and winter themed time killers for you. Yeah, you could always Elf Yourself, but then you’re just advertising for Office Max without getting paid. Like we just did. Doh! For some reason, I’ve personally always loved Santa Toss. I think maybe it’s the yodeling, but there’s also a strange gratification in throwing Santa around, especially after all the times he’s let me down. And especially after the staff cuts he’s made. Yeah, it seems he fired all the Reindeer and replaced them with a chopper. As revenge, they cut a hole in the floor of it, and now the gifts are all over the arctic. Help him retrieve them with Present Hunter. I didn’t have much luck, but it was kind of fun crashing the helicopter 4 or 5 times. So, moving on…since there’s nobody around the office as a result of that year-end “force reduction”, you probably don’t get as much excitement out of scanning your butt on the copier as you used to. I mean, all the fun is in the excitement of doing it without getting caught, right? Well, bring back the thrills with Butt Scan. Unfortunately all that game does is let you scan your butt ’til you get fired, so it wears thin pretty fast. These holiday Flash games always have something violent or sexist to offer, so if you’re feeling a little cranky about the holidays, don your hockey mask and butcher knife and slaughter some helpless elves with Friday The 24th. And for the inevitable misogeny, touch a woman inappropriately to win imaginary money with Santa Girl. Tip: if you actually want to collect the money, touch her APPROPRIATELY. And if you found that last one especially offensive, don’t piss yourself over it. Pee in the snow instead. Because who doesn’t love peeing in the snow, and now you can even send a Pee-Mail! Here’s our little pee-mail message. We may be back next week with more holiday themed demotivators, so if you have any suggestions, pass them along. I’ll just be playing SnowCraft ’til then. Read the rest of this entry »
3 Weird Holiday Movies To Break Up Your Media Monotony
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 13, 2009 by admin in Popular Media
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians Conquers My Criticism, The Hebrew Hammer Invents The Expl-oye!-tation Film, And The Star Wars Holiday Special Redefines Horror.
Tired of the same old holiday movie fare like “It’s A Wonderful Life”, “A Miracle On 34th Street” and “A Christmas Carol”? Well, beyond the cultish and clever movies like A Christmas Story
High-Tech Gadgets Put New Spin On Secret Santa Concept
[ Comments Off ]Posted on December 12, 2009 by admin in Technology
Thanks to these affordable high-tech surveillance gadgets, your workplace Secret Santa Stalker sees you when you’re sleeping, and knows when you’re awake.
You don’t know it, but this holiday season there’s a special someone who has their eye on you. Of course you don’t know it, because they’re keeping that eye on you with an Audio-Activated Hidden Camera by BrickHouse Security®
A Yidiot’s Guide To Hannukah
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on December 11, 2009 by admin in Holidays
The closest a lot of Christian Americans come to religious tolerance is eating Hebrew National hot dogs at baseball games, but the fact is, Christmas wouldn’t be what it is without the influence of Jewish people. Especially that Jesus fellow.
 For some reason, George Bush really seemed to connect with the idea of the “miracle of the container of oil”. |
If you’re someone who celebrates Christmas because you’re, um, maybe a little bit Christian or something, you may wonder why you should concern yourself with the annual celebration of Hannukah. I mean, beyond being all Christian-like and tolerant of other people’s faiths and whatnot. Well, let’s take a moment to remember a few things, some of which you may already know, some of which will surprise you. First, you wouldn’t even have a saviour, if it weren’t for those Hannukah celebraters. Jesus was Jewish, you know. Very Jewish. And for that matter, if you believe what you read in scripture, the WHOLE WORLD might not be here if it weren’t for those folks who wrote the bigger part of your favorite book. Moses? Noah? Yup. Jews. So while you’re all busy being tolerant, remember that they were here first, and so actually they’re being tolerant. They don’t believe in your God man, but rarely give you any crap about it. In fact, as this Slate piece points out, they’ve gone out of their way to play nice and do the gift giving and tree thing. I don’t think Jesus recommended those activities anyway, but whatever. It’s the thought that counts. So if you don’t know anything about Hannukah, take some time to read up, kids. Because without the people that celebrate it, you wouldn’t have on the Levis you’re wearing while you sip that Starbucks coffee as you take a break from buying DKNY and Kenneth Cole gifts at Macy’s. And while you’re reading up, put on some nice Jewish music. This will be easy, because as we pointed out the other day, most of your favorite Christmas songs were written by Jews. Read the rest of this entry »