Editorial & Opinion
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[ Comments Off ]Posted on April 17, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion
Friday, April 17th, 2009Does taking quizzes on Facebook mean you’re stupid?
As a person who (like many) spends a little too much time on Facebook lately, I’m a little perplexed by reasonably intelligent people who spend a lot of time taking inane personality and pop culture tests, and then publicly displaying the results. I guess it’s a kind of vanity combined with curiosity, which in an ideal world would be true self examination. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that when given expert advice, the brain shuts down, which this Wired article tries to use to explain why we listen to idiots like Jim Kramer of CNBC. Be careful though, because if you listen to Jim too much, you’ll end up poverty-stricken, and that’s not good for your brain either. It’s kind of sad that in a world where people’s brain development suffers because of malnutrition, people are not only eating perfectly good brains (I mean, you’d expect this from a politician, but y’know…), they’re also slicing them up for research to figure out how they work. Don’t they realize that HowStuffWorks.com already has it figured out? I also find it interesting that in spite of the fact that we have mindmapping tools to offload some of our processing, a tech support person can still be dumb enough to be indistinguishable from a chatbot. Which is pretty disturbing to know if you’ve ever tried to carry on an intelligent conversation with the award-winning artificial intelligence named Elbot. Anyway, if you really feel like taking a quiz, try these tests on the BBC Science site. They have the benefit of not making you look like an idiot on Facebook. I personally scored perfectly on everything except morality. And if you want to enhance your brain power, read Brain Rules
McMonday McMotivators – Would You Like Fries With That?
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on April 13, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion
Monday, April 13th, 2009Set your fast food ass back down for the Fast Food Edition of our Monday Demotivators.
Going to work on Monday morning is WAY over-rated.
I’ve always said that they call it fast food because you eat it fast, not because you get it fast. Which is applicable for this week’s Monday Demotivators, because most of these links load so slowly that the designers really should visit the PrettyLoaded preloader museum for pointers. First up: Given the general take on fast food employment, it’s kind of odd that someone would build a detailed simulation for entertainment purposes. Which is why Fast Food Frenzy is a little odd. Probably more popular is Fast Food Follies, wherein you play a black-clad “Michigan Militia” type who shoots up a fast food joint. Fast food games for educational purposes make a little more sense to me, which is why I find McVideogame amusing. The game requires you to manage every aspect of a fast food corporation, from cow to counter. Along the way you learn a little. For example, in the agricultural sector of the game, they point out that “If we had to rear all the cattle we need in our part of the world, our cities would drown in an ocean of cow shit. Pastures and soy culture need a lot of land and South America is one of the best places for it. Obviously you have to conquer your land as our forefathers did. Remember the old saying: “under every forest there is a lawn“. Lastly, for a mind-numbingly pointless fast food flash game (all you Stack The Cats addicts take note; you know who you are!), we have Fast Food Fiasco. Just re-arrange the fast food items to clear the grid. And if we’ve succeeded in our weekly attempt to make you late for work on Monday, hopefully you won’t stop at McDonald’s on the way. Between this fast food calorie counter and these nutrition fact comparison charts, it’s kind of a no-brainer. But if you need more demotivation, check out 15 signs you need to go on a diet. Would you like fries with that? Read the rest of this entry »
Monday Demotivators: The Mormon Edition
[ 2 Comments ]Posted on April 6, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion
Monday, April 6th, 2009Our ongoing attempt to make you late for work on Monday. Now with added MORMON GOODNESS.
If you’re here for our traditional Monday Demotivators, be patient while we take time out for a spirtual message. I’m not generally one to make light of other people’s faith, but I’ll occasionally make an exception. Today is the anniversary of the repeated founding of the Mormon church. Yes, repeated; it seems they had some trouble at the beginning, and since they believe Jesus was born on April 6 (betcha didn’t know there’s a Mormon Wikipedia!), they keep starting it on the same date. I’ll let the Mormons do all the footwork. Just read their history (or watch the classic South Park episode, they hit the key facts) and that should occupy enough time to accomplish our objective of making you late on Monday. Once you’ve wasted part of your morning learning the teachings of the prophet Moroni, we’ll still be here with the annoying game links. First up: this isn’t really a game, but it’s kind of fun. Someone has devoted an entire blog to posting the amusing results of Google’s autocomplete function. It is kind of interesting that when you type “is mast” in Google’s search box, it immediately knows you’re wondering “is masturbation bad?” Which is a nice segue into our first game: The Great Sperm Race. Much like life itself, just work hard, focus, and try not to get bogged down in the slime, and at the end, you’ll wonder if the reward was worth it all. Kamikaze Race sounds like it might be exciting, but the only thing it has in common with a real Kamikaze pilot is that your death is inevitable, and the pursuit of it will require more patience and devotion than you think. Hero Hoops is like brain dead basketball for white boys. Just remember two tips: 1.) He moves like the white boy that he is, get used to it, and 2.) You can’t throw a ball if you’re not holding one. Sonny 2 makes you wonder what “Sonny 1″ must’ve been like, if this is the advanced version. You spend a ton of time getting elaborate intructions about the single simple move your guy can make when he finally does get to do something. Ultimately, you’re more likely to attack your computer for tricking you into pastimes like this. Likewise with Crow In Hell. If you have the patience, I bet there’s a game in there somewhere. On the same note, Perfect Balance Playground is a mildly amusing physics-based game, but it’s hard to figure out what the motivation really is. Here’s a whole collection of physics-based games, if you’re into that kind of thing. But we know you all prefer first person shooters, so here we go. Battlefield Heroes shows just how tough provincial Europeans really are. Every time you shoot one, they just say “Ow” in a Minnesota accent. I just want to remind you that as usual, I do this all for you. Give me a game of Pong and I’m good to go.
Pop Media Writer Ian Gray Dies
[ 3 Comments ]Posted on April 1, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion
Wednesday, April 1st, 2009Ian Gray 1980-2009
This will regrettably be the last post on Dissociated Press. The site’s writer and developer, Ian Gray, passed away early this morning, he was 29. He is survived by his mother, numerous siblings and their miscreant offspring, and an incredibly small number of imaginary friends on Facebook. Known for his witty but poorly-written (and even more poorly-edited) observations about pop culture, Gray was also a philanthropist, providing massively underbilled services to a variety of small businesses in the Ann Arbor, MI area. Although garbled by a mouthful of chocolate as he took a final drag from a Dunhill, his last words were believed to be “[Expletive Deleted] Google Adsense is [Expletive Deleted]! People could’ve at least [Expletive Deleted] donated through PayPal, [Expletive Deleted]!!!” To honor Mr. Gray’s deathbed words, feel free to donate to the Ian Gray Memorial Fund via PayPal. No, we’re not [Expletive Deleted] joking. That link works, and you don’t need a PayPal account. Read the rest of this entry »
Monday Motivators – Head Butts, Paper Plates & Poodles
[ Comments Off ]Posted on March 23, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion
Monday, March 23rd, 2009Even the Dalai Lama understands the benefits of a well-executed clean and jerk.
 Even the Dalai Lama understands the benefits of a well-executed clean and jerk. |
If you’ve come here looking for our usual Monday Demotivators, maybe you need to rethink things a bit and pick up a copy of Getting Things Done
