Editorial & Opinion at dissociatedpress.com

Editorial & Opinion

Rabid Atheists, Religious Zealots, And Me

[ Comments Off ]Posted on April 28, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

Hey Rabid Atheist! I’m glad that in the infinite wisdom possessed by your otherwise rather finite, rational mind, you’ve managed to establish – in a universe that’s estimated to be 13.7 billion years old and 550,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 miles across – the absolute non-existence of a grand awareness that one might try to give a name, if [...]

Hey Rabid Atheist!

I’m glad that in the infinite wisdom possessed by your otherwise rather finite, rational mind, you’ve managed to establish – in a universe that’s estimated to be 13.7 billion years old and 550,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 miles across – the absolute non-existence of a grand awareness that one might try to give a name, if even a simple one, like “god”. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying you’re wrong. I am however, a little unsettled by your unerring certainty, given the fact that you’re probably attempting to stake your claim on scientific grounds, and given that since just a few decades before man’s first powered flight about a hundred years ago, science has gone through at least two profound paradigm shifts, literally inverting many aspects of scientific understanding. But keep at it. Man’s reasoning has always served us well, hasn’t it? Okay. I confess I think you’re a numb-nut for being so unaware of what your little human mind is incapable of comprehending, but more power to you. It is indeed a little scary to try and think about things that exist beyond thought.

Hey Religious Zealot!

I’m glad you attend your place of worship as often as possible. Every day that you’re there is one less day that you’re out in the world fomenting hate while proclaiming your compassionate nature and generally telling the rest of us how to live based on your bizarre interpretation of the 2,000 year old documents you use to justify your behavior. By the way, if you’re one of those inflamed nutcases that thinks they have the inside scoop on the official date for the end of the world, I’d recommend you take a moment to talk to the Atheist mentioned above. They probably have some solid reference materials to bring you up to speed. I mean, you’re not exactly breaking new ground on that one; in fact you shouldn’t have too much trouble finding a list of your predecessors. Ah hell. I’ll even help you. Here’s a list of 63 of them, spanning almost 2,000 years.

And What About Me?

Clearly, I embrace the fruits of science, technology, and rational thought; without them, I wouldn’t be able to type these little thoughts into a computer and transmit them over the Internet so that your computer can reassemble the electrons into text that is at least as coherent as I was able to make it at the time that I typed it. However, it’s this very fascination with the knowledge that science has opened our eyes to that helps me conclude that there may be something more than what we understand through this very system of perception. In fact, it’s my awareness of the amazing balance of chaos and apparent order revealed by science, combined with many personal synchronistic and numinous events that leaves me with a profound feeling that there is a greater awareness surrounding me, something that my limited tactile, visual, olfactory and auditory perception and limited neural activity and reasoning may never be able to process into something that can be expressed as a scientific concept, or oddly – for the same reason – a spiritual belief that I will try to foist off on someone else as the definitive answer to the meaning and purpose of life. I can sense it though, this awareness. I can feel it in moments of connectedness with nature, people, or even technology. Without it, my life would have almost no meaning, and I feel badly for those who find no mystery in existence, regardless of whether they got there through closed-minded rationality, or closed-minded faith.

I’d love to hear the point of view of anyone who proclaims complete confidence in either their faith, or their rationality. Both extremes leave me befuddled.

Monday Demotivators – The Reality Check Edition

[ Comments Off ]Posted on April 27, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Monday, April 27th, 2009

Amusing Flash games to pass the time in the unemployment line.

We thought we’d start with a little reality check for this week’s Monday Demotivators. Our usual Flash-based fun turns to horror when you view this animated map from Slate.com. Hit the play button, and watch the jobs in America disappear. It’s either like watching the 2000 election unfold, or a nuclear strike map. Scary. Equally scary for some will be the Virtual Age Analyzer. Honestly answer the questions, and discover your life expectancy. My “virtual age” was two years lower than the real thing, and I’m gonna live to the age of 78. Phew. Now that we’ve instilled you with a little anxiety, let’s get back to the fun you probably came here for. First up, the annoyingly cute JellyJumper, brought to you by Logitech. I don’t know if anyone will buy a keyboard because of it, but maybe they’re banking on the idea that you’ll smash your existing keyboard in frustration. They also have a multiplayer version called JellyBattle. For those of you who fancy a game of golf this time of year, try Golfman. Although I enjoy neither golf nor Flash games, I was amused for a couple of minutes, just long enough to figure out I suck at on line golf as much as the real-life version. If you’re feeling a bit more narcissistic or need to jazz up your Facebook profile pic, someone has rounded up 28 web sites that let you upload and edit your photo. The site’s in Turkish, but a picture, as they say, speaks a thousand words. This time they’re just not in your native tongue. And as a peg that never seems to fit a hole, I’m convinced Flash Pegs will ruin your day. Its utter simplicity fools you into thinking you’ll ever advance to the next level. That should keep you busy through Tuesday. Happy Monday!

Bored This Sunday? Why Not Go To Church?

[ Comments Off ]Posted on April 26, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

Even you faithless hordes should have SOMETHING to get you out of bed on Sunday.

After finally watching Religulousthe other night with a friend, I had yet another idol de-mystified. I always had a little respect for Bill Maher, but in my opinion, he not only missed the mark in a number of ways with the film, he also revealed himself to be a condescending redneck-basher who needs to talk to his therapist more about his religious upbringing. But I’m neither a film critic nor a psychologist. I’m just here to help you kill some time. We used to go to church on Sunday for that reason, but now we have cable TV, Facebook, and Wii. So my objective to today is to get you to go to church. Which can be difficult, with all you non-adherents running about. I say “non-adherents” because you silly atheists reading this comprise less than one half of one percent of the world’s population, but the term “non-adherents” bumps the number of faithless hordes up to around 13% and helps make you relevant. So anyway, lets start with a church that comes close to the mind-numbing self-contradictions of the more established religions, The Church of the SubGenius. All I’m going to say is “Bob”. Remember: Praise His Sweet Name — OR BURN IN SLACKLESSNESS TRYING NOT TO! You’ll notice, by the way, that there’s a Google search box at the top of that site. Why? Because Google Is God. C’mon. You had sort of suspected it, hadn’t you? All this time we were worried that the Internet would someday become self-aware, and it turns out it was God all along. And lastly, we assume (since you apparently spend enough time on the Internet to be reading this tripe) that you’re familiar with both the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Church of Jedi, so we’ll spare you more commentary. Do you know of any amusing alternatives to mainstream religion? I mean, besides the ones routinely lampooned on South Park?

R.I.P. GeoCities

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on April 24, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Friday, April 24th, 2009

Honey, the Beanie Babies web ring won’t load today!

Before MySpace, before Facebook, there was GeoCities. I was surprised, when talking to Internet-addicted friends yesterday, at how few of them remembered the original web-based community for creating your own “home page”. Remember when the average person felt the terms “home page” and “web site” were interchangeable? What I had forgotten was what Yahoo paid for Geocities back in 1999: 3 billion dollars. That’s a billion dollars more than Google paid for YouTube, and it was ten years ago! You don’t need to be a web developer to realize it was the animated glitter unicorns and dancing Homer Simpson graphics that were part of Geocities demise. But in spite of how of easy it was to poke fun at Geocities, the fact is that the biggest difference between it and MySpace was, frankly, marketing. R.I.P., Geocities

I Know You Don’t Know Jack, But Have You Met Seth?

[ Comments Off ]Posted on April 20, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Monday, April 20th, 2009

An attempt to bring a little intelligence back to our Monday time-wasters…

I had never noticed until yesterday the remarkable resemblance between the animated host of the web version of You Don’t Know Jack and the byline photo on marketing guru Seth Godin’s blog. Which is our odd segue into this week’s slightly brainier edition of our Monday Demotivators. We received a complaint last week that our little Monday tradition had “devolved from a thought-provoking Monday diversion into a desperate Flash game linkfest“. While that’s a fair observation, I feel obligated to point out that I’m pretty sure that that’s the whole idea here! All the same, I’m willing to consider the possibility that maybe we’re reaching the point that marketing guru Seth Godin calls The Dip, wherein it’s hard to tell if we’re just not pushing ourselves hard enough, or maybe it’s time to throw in the towel. Guess you’ll have to come back next Monday to find out. In the meantime, if You Don’t Know Jack, get to know him. It’s a simple game, but it requires a little intelligence to score well. Although popular as a computer game for over a decade, the TV version with Paul Reubens only lasted six episodes. For those who like a little word challenge to get the day rolling, try DeepLeap, “The Fast-Paced Time-Wasting Word Game!“. Kind of like Scrabble, except someone’s constantly shoving new letters at you. And kind of bridging (heh) the gap between using your mind and Flash game brain death, we have BridgeCraft, a cute, cute, cute little game in which you help little creatures called “Euwins” build bridges to help them rebuild their world. I find games like this rather annoying, so I think I derived more pleasure from just letting the Euwins drown by building faulty bridges. And lastly, for those of you who actually do enjoy Flash game brain death, we have Power Golf. Happy sandtraps, and Happy Monday!

Read the rest of this entry »

« Older Entries | Newer Entries »