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Monday Demotivators: The Mormon Edition

Topics: Editorial & Opinion | 2 CommentsBy admin | April 6, 2009

Our ongoing attempt to make you late for work on Monday. Now with added MORMON GOODNESS.

If you’re here for our traditional Monday Demotivators, be patient while we take time out for a spirtual message. I’m not generally one to make light of other people’s faith, but I’ll occasionally make an exception. Today is the anniversary of the repeated founding of the Mormon church. Yes, repeated; it seems they had some trouble at the beginning, and since they believe Jesus was born on April 6 (betcha didn’t know there’s a Mormon Wikipedia!), they keep starting it on the same date. I’ll let the Mormons do all the footwork. Just read their history (or watch the classic South Park episode, they hit the key facts) and that should occupy enough time to accomplish our objective of making you late on Monday. Once you’ve wasted part of your morning learning the teachings of the prophet Moroni, we’ll still be here with the annoying game links. First up: this isn’t really a game, but it’s kind of fun. Someone has devoted an entire blog to posting the amusing results of Google’s autocomplete function. It is kind of interesting that when you type “is mast” in Google’s search box, it immediately knows you’re wondering “is masturbation bad?” Which is a nice segue into our first game: The Great Sperm Race. Much like life itself, just work hard, focus, and try not to get bogged down in the slime, and at the end, you’ll wonder if the reward was worth it all. Kamikaze Race sounds like it might be exciting, but the only thing it has in common with a real Kamikaze pilot is that your death is inevitable, and the pursuit of it will require more patience and devotion than you think. Hero Hoops is like brain dead basketball for white boys. Just remember two tips: 1.) He moves like the white boy that he is, get used to it, and 2.) You can’t throw a ball if you’re not holding one. Sonny 2 makes you wonder what “Sonny 1″ must’ve been like, if this is the advanced version. You spend a ton of time getting elaborate intructions about the single simple move your guy can make when he finally does get to do something. Ultimately, you’re more likely to attack your computer for tricking you into pastimes like this. Likewise with Crow In Hell. If you have the patience, I bet there’s a game in there somewhere. On the same note, Perfect Balance Playground is a mildly amusing physics-based game, but it’s hard to figure out what the motivation really is. Here’s a whole collection of physics-based games, if you’re into that kind of thing. But we know you all prefer first person shooters, so here we go. Battlefield Heroes shows just how tough provincial Europeans really are. Every time you shoot one, they just say “Ow” in a Minnesota accent. I just want to remind you that as usual, I do this all for you. Give me a game of Pong and I’m good to go.

Read Comments

  1. Posted by John Minock on 04.09.09 6:46 am

    Gotta love South Park.

    In a serious vein, read Jon Krakauer’s Under the Banner of Heaven.

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