Post-Election Facebook Boredom? Here are Seven Great Topics for Irrational Debate
[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 16, 2012 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture
Face it. Since election day, Facebook has been pretty dull. Here are seven topics guaranteed to put some ignorance and hyperbole back in your feed.
Climate Change? What Climate Change?
Hear that sound? Me neither. It’s the sound of tumbleweeds slowly rolling through your Facebook feed since election day. If you’re a Facebook user, you have no doubt noticed how damn boring it is lately. All the early adopters were tired of it two years ago, but it had become kind of like one’s “daily elimination”. Not something you especially look forward to, but you do it every day anyway. After the late adopters tired of Farmville, all that was really left was a constant stream of kitten, baby, and “look what I’m eating!” photos, and those weird motivational quotes as graphics. That’s why we all welcomed a presidential election. Suddenly, things were exciting again! Ten thousand word irrational rants about how Obama was an Islamic Socialist Illuminati out to destroy capitalism and create a global currency while making sure all our soldiers were in harms way, and Romney was a magic-underpants-wearing robber baron who was going to sell Chrysler to India and rape grandma’s social security fund to finance a holy war against Iran to save the economy. Or something like that, I forget the details. But then Obama won, and all the sane, intelligent Republicans and Democrats just kind of got quiet, and all the idiots on either side just got angrier and louder. The Republican ones exploding in rage disorders and planning their state’s secession from the Union, and the Democrats gloating obnoxiously, not realizing that in essence, they had just re-elected Ronald Reagan. The threads would fizzle quickly, presumably because aside from the fact that “who won” was a moot point, the flames of the “torches and pitchforks” crowd exhausted all the oxygen needed to generate so much hot air on these threads. But fear not! We’re here to help put the “FU” (Facebook Unfriending) back in Facebook. Here are seven topics guaranteed to put some fight back in your feed, and unmitigated gall back on your wall. Read the rest of this entry »
Ten Best Cars for Driving Off a Fiscal Cliff
[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 11, 2012 by admin in Politics
DC Gridlock usually prevents economic policy from moving from desk to desk, let alone off a cliff. But just in case, you may as well be prepared.
Now that the presidential election is over, it’s clear that the media has decided that their favorite new buzz phrase will be “Fiscal Cliff”. It’s only been a week, and any sane person is probably sick of hearing it already. But what gives? Apparently the trillions of dollars in debt and deficits we’ve been running for years suddenly matter? Did the money printing machines break down or something? Someone please fill me in. Personally, I don’t see what all the panic is about. Given the gridlock in Washington, I can’t imagine how legislators are going to drive anything ACROSS TOWN, let alone off a cliff. But this got me thinking. If you were going to drive off a cliff, what would be the ideal vehicle? Below is a quick roundup. Read the rest of this entry »
If You Want to Make GOP Laugh, Tell it Your Plans
[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 18, 2012 by admin in Editorial & Opinion
Mitt Romney is glad to hear you’re voting third party in 2012.
One thing I don’t think I’ve heard a Republican say since 1968 is “I don’t know if I like our guy. I think I’ll vote third party or just sit this one out.”
How Your Political Rants on Facebook Killed Our Bumper Sticker Sales
[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 13, 2012 by admin in Politics
If everyone is spending all their time expressing their quadrennial political expertise on Facebook, they hardly have time to DRIVE their cars, let alone buy bumper stickers for them. These are the early ideas for our abandoned novelty products for the 2012 election cycle.
 What better symbol for America than a pilot-less war machine? |
This has been a depressing election year. No, not because my side is losing. I’m not on one. It’s too hard to tell which side of any line these clowns are standing on. Mr. Rope-a-Hope sold out to the insurance industry to force health care on all of us, and his presidency is ironically well-represented by one of the things he gets the most flak about from his own base. What better symbol for our country right now than a pilot-less machine of war? And in the end – if he wins – Moderate Mitt will probably be more like that moniker than you think. Clearly, they scraped cells off Reagan’s body back in the 80′s, and have grafted them onto Romney to create the next meat puppet president. The transmogrification was nearly complete by the first debate. If you closed your eyes whenever Mitt spoke during that debate, you would SWEAR it was Ronny up there on the podium. Romney has even perfected that weird, breathy, Reagan vocal mannerism; if he just adds that odd head bobble of Reagan’s, the effect will be complete.
But that will only endear him SLIGHTLY to a “real” Republican, and Obama has the same problem. Democrats have one of the worst collective cases of buyer remorse since Carter first donned a cardigan for a fireside chat while his redneck brother crawled from the woodwork to market Billy Beer. And that creates a problem for people like me; it’s hard to work up some decent antagonistic campaign parodies when both sides hate their OWN candidate. The most positive responses I’ve gotten when lambasting Obama have come from bleeding heart liberals, and any protest from my conservative friends when I poke fun at Romney have been like the final punches of a fighter that knows that even if there’s no way they’ll take the title, there’s NO WAY they’ll stop punching ’til they actually go down, even if their punches ARE more like the open-handed sissy slaps I got when fighting my sister in third grade. In this cannibalistic environment, where partisans are eating their own, the best we could come up with in the last couple of years were things like the Donner Party and the Punk Party.
But you know what makes matters even worse? YOU. In case you haven’t noticed, your political posts on Facebook are the REAL joke. The level of Read the rest of this entry »
5 Kickstarter Alternatives That May Save Your Social Life
[ 2 Comments ]Posted on October 6, 2012 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture
How Kickstarter may not only contribute to the demise of your friendships, but modern capitalist society as well. And some ideas for alternatives beyond Indigogo.
 This guy has the right idea. Take the money and ruuuuuuuuuuun! |
Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock lately, or unless your mom took away your internet connection because she caught you looking at amateur furry porn, you’ve probably heard about KickStarter.com. And if this goes the way of most other social media trends, within six months, you will have a failed one. A failed “Kickstarter”, that is. It’s apparently already a noun, as in “Got a really stupid idea that no-one in their right mind would fund? Why don’t you just start a Kickstarter?” Having that achievement behind you will fit nicely with that blog you never post on, that tumblr that no-one reads but has been “tumbled” 37 times, and that Twitter feed that has seven followers. But seriously. Is it just me, or have all our friends lost their minds? None of us are any less broke-ass than we were yesterday, but today, damn near every one of my Facebook friends either has a Kickstarter campaign or is pumping their friend’s like it’s a goddamn “Feed The Children” campaign. Aside from the simple math involved, which immediately makes it evident that if we all give each other twenty five dollars, we may have well have just kept it in the first place, Kickstarter does two other terrible things that will probably contribute in a significant way to the demise of modern capitalism. First, much like a kindergarten teacher or senior citizen’s crafts group, it encourages Read the rest of this entry »