Archive for November, 2009

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This Cyber Monday, Remember Amazon Sells A Lot More Than Books

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 30, 2009 by admin in Holidays

Monday, November 30th, 2009

Bulldozers, UFO Detectors, Anal Dilators, and Man to Man Gay Attraction Body Mist. All on!

Yes, we’re pulling out all the stops for your
Cyber Monday shopping fun on Amazon

Everybody knows that the shopping that we do on Black Friday is really just a desperate attempt to get along with annoying relatives that are visiting for the holiday, which partly explains why per-shopper sales were down 8% from last year. The other reason those Friday sales were down is because everyone is slowly learning that the Monday after a holiday isn’t for getting back to work, it’s for shopping on line while getting paid. As a borderline socialist, I of course have mixed feelings about how much you shop today, but as an Amazon affiliate, I have a keen interest in helping you shop to your heart’s content. As long as you do it through our product links and search tools. To that end, I want to help you realize that Amazon sells more than books. Maybe you need some Liquid Ass Fart Spray, or have been looking for that perfect product to help you Stop Eating Poop. Or maybe you’ve been meaning to out yourself for a while, but haven’t had the nerve. Try some Man to Man Gay Attraction Body Mist to get things rolling, and if it is your first time, consider pulling out all the stops and picking up a Dr.J Anal Dilator Kit. Yes, Amazon has it all. Thinking of starting a war, or a business? Why not order up a Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank or a NorTrac Bulldozer? The bulldozer will be handy for clearing the lot for your Self-Contained Branded Drive-Thru Kit. No more waiting in line at McDonald’s, and it’s only $89,000.00! Speaking of McDonald’s: as an American, you probably already know what fat looks like, but don’t let that stop you from picking up a Five-Pound Fat Replica. Interestingly, the “Frequently Bought Together” suggestion on that page lists “Five-Pound Fat Replica, One-Pound Fat Replica, One-pound Muscle Replica“, which is probably pretty close to the average American’s fat-to-muscle ratio. Moving along, if you’re looking for a gift for the nutjob conspiracy theorist in you life, give them a little peace of mind with a professional UFO Detector. As one customer shared in the reviews: “I purchased this item and am blown away by Read the rest of this entry »

Engaging In Excessive Display Behavior

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 29, 2009 by admin in Technology

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

I’m a firm believer that size matters, but a 120 inch wide monitor might be a little excessive, in my opinion. Unless of course you’re Dr Evil or you’re running the Matrix or something.

This kind of behavior is probably okay
if you’re runnin’ The Matrix or somethin’

You may remember a time not too long ago when a 19″ monitor was quite adequate, and anything larger than 21″ was considered absolutely luxurious. Those days are clearly gone; the advent of widescreen laptops changed our expectations forever. And now it’s frankly getting a little out of hand. I can understand an extra monitor if you’re a music producer, movie maker, or designer that uses more than two or three applications at once, but personally, I think going beyond that is simply engaging in a sort of high tech display behaviour. I mean c’mon. Does anyone really need a 42″ wide monitor? Well if they do, they’re in luck. Although Alienware debuted the monstrosity at a trade show back in early 2008, the version that’s actually now available is made by Ostendo , and and is also being sold by NEC. If these numbers mean anything to you, it has a 32:10 aspect ratio, 2880 x 900 pixel native resolution, and for you gamers: yes, it’s fairly fast with 0.02 millisecond refresh rate. For the rest of you, that means it’s BIG. See the comparison images below. Of course, this already wasn’t big enough for some nerd, so you can always string three of them together (YouTube clip, also embedded below) for the ultimate pretend driving experience. And if you need this kind of silliness on the go, there are also dual screen laptops available. The Lenovo ThinkPad W700ds is probably not the way to go; at around 12 lbs, 2 inches thick, and a battery life of about an hour and forty-five minutes (if you’re using its crappy second screen), it’s hardly what you’d call “portable”. It also costs almost five grand. Perhaps a bit more on the mark is the Kohjinsha dual-screen netbook. You’ll have to pay for it in Yen for now though; it’s only available in Japan as of this writing. But if you’re still intrigued, Engadget has a hands-on look here. At least it actually exists; its only competitors are stylish pre-production concepts. One is the GScreen SpaceBook , the other is the Estari Canova. Of course, too much is never enough for some people, so if you’re looking for that “Dr Evil” impact try an industrial vendor like CGM, and if you need to run The Matrix or something, there are modular solutions. Read the rest of this entry »

Holiday Mind Games – Fun For The Whole Family!

[ Comments Off ]Posted on November 28, 2009 by admin in Holidays

Saturday, November 28th, 2009

We all have those moments during the holidays when we wish we had Jedi mind control powers. Well know we can, with some amazing high tech toys that are controlled by neural impulses!

You’d think if you had Jedi powers
you could make yourself not look
like a dork for the camera for a second

During the holidays, we probably all have moments in which we wish we could use some kind of Jedi mind control to alter the course of events. Well, now you can! It’s funny that while many of us struggle with the remote control, there are games for kids that are based on using neural impulses as controllers. For the low budget (and the perhaps the low expectations) we have Star Wars Star Wars Force Trainer. While it’s pretty cool, you might get bored with making a ball go up and down with your mind. You might as well drop the extra loot for Mattel’s Mindflex Game, which adds excitement to your balls by letting you build an obstacle course for them. And for the yuppie snob version of mind-control gaming, check out the OCZ Neural Impulse Actuator, which is designed to complement your mouse as a game controller. If you’d rather your game controlled you (and if you’re a little mentally impaired) you might enjoy Bop It!, which is a “modern-day, handheld Simon Says”, as the maker puts it. And if on top of your game telling you what to do, you like it to do all the thinking as well, check out the Radica 20 Questions Artificial Intelligence Game. This has been around for a while, but if you haven’t seen it in action, you’ll be disturbed by its accuracy, and probably wonder if the game has microphones in it and is connected to a remote answer-generating center run by humans. It’s pretty freaky. Sophisticated technology is being put to use in a lot of kids’ games; toys like Xtractaurs help brainwash your kids to accept genetic engineering by letting them do it themselves! If they hone their skills enough, maybe they can alter some hamsters and explore urban planning with the iMac-esque Zhu Zhu Hamster Funhouse(Hamsters Not Included, although for a hundred bucks more, they they can be*). Along those lines, if you fancy your kids to be more like media producers than consumers (and want them to actually use their brain a bit), there are toys like Ucreate Games & Artimationand Ucreate Music that let your kids mash up their own sound samples, images, and ideas to create games and music. If you think about it, raising a game developer might actually be a good retirement plan. For the kid (or nerdy adult) that has no friends (or maybe no arms), you could always pick up a Darth Vader Robotic Arm and a couple of Force Action Lightsabers. And lastly, since no game roundup is complete without something getting shot, we have the Duck Hunter Infrared Indoor Flying Duck Hunt Game. By the way, if you enjoy shooting ducks, check out this post from a few weeks ago. In any case, I’m hoping my Jedi mind control has induced you to buy something with those Amazon links; we need the revenue. Know of any cool high-tech games we should look at? Feel free to share in the comments. Read the rest of this entry »

Dubai-ous Dealings: It’s Never Too Late For An Econopocalypse

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 27, 2009 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Friday, November 27th, 2009

The US military may decide to Sheik Djibouti if this keeps up.

Images like this used to inspire awe.
Now they more likely inspire awwww…

I like to think that in a decade or so, we’ll scan the impoverished Sultan-peppered wasteland of the once deleriously luxurious Dubai, and wonder how it all ever happened. Call me a Gloomy Gus, but waking up to parallel headlines today about how it’s Black Friday and everybody’s going shopping while Dubai’s late payments on their $80 billion debt caused global market panic got me thinking again about the impending econopocalypse. I mean, we’ve all heard of a “jobless recovery”, but is there such a thing as a “recoveryless recovery”? One look at this frightening animated map showing job losses in America between 2007 and 2009 makes me wonder how we can possibly think we’re on the way back to economic stability. Very few people I know have either the liquid assets or the confidence to suggest to me that things are getting better, but at the same time, I don’t see us heading for global catastrophe. In my starry-eyed vision I see more reality sinking in as unexpected debtors like Dubai spring up, and more fictitious capital being generated until the average person snaps out of it and it sinks in that all this money being thrown around is merely a social contract, and one that we never signed. And maybe, somewhere in this morass that is the global economy, we’ll get a little smarter, and remember that what’s good of all is good for the individual. Of course, it’s ultimately moronic of me to think this way; if major UAE-backed debtors like Dubai start defaulting, war is more likely, especially as we ramp back up in Afghanistan. I have this weird hunch we’ll be hearing the name Djibouti a bit more in the coming year. But what the hell do I know? The graphic below sums up my understanding of banking and finance… Read the rest of this entry »

There’s More Than One Way To Stuff A Turkey

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on November 26, 2009 by admin in Holidays

Thursday, November 26th, 2009

Let’s take a moment to think about the 45 million turkeys that gave their life in the war against our hunger today. And after doing so, commence to shootin’ ‘em again.

We shared some more somber Thanksgiving thoughts here today, but if you were looking for somber, you’d be reading the emo blog whimperings over at, right? We know you really just want something to kill the time while you do your best to appear mentally and emotionally present at your family dysfunctions for today, so we’ve rounded up some flash games you can play while you pretend you’re just checking text messages or whatever. We’ve observed before that there’s an odd tendency for Flash games to focus on doing cruel things to helpless animals, and Thanksgiving is no exception. First up, and probably least cruel, we have Turkey Fling, in which – you guessed it – you fling a turkey. Probably not as gratifying as Santa Toss, but there’ll be plenty of time for that in December. A little higher on the cruel curve we have Turkey To Go. If your bald turkey doesn’t collect feathers fast enough, he’s totally forked. And of course, no themed game roundup is complete without a first person shooter, so we have the aptly named Turkey Shoot. Careful though, they do. And if you’re an elficidal vegetarian who loves rave music but hates Christmas, you’ll love Xtreem Xmas Turkey. As a headless turkey armed with a medieval halberd, you slaughter angry elves, before they slaughter you. And if you’re such a Flash game-obsessed twit that you even get your cooking tips from Flash interactives, we have Cook A Turkey. So have fun, kiss grandma for us, and have a great Thanksgiving. Whatever you’re doing, you’re probably having more fun than the estimated 45 million turkeys being devoured across America today!

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