Archive for October, 2012


If You Want to Make GOP Laugh, Tell it Your Plans

[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 18, 2012 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Mitt Romney is glad to hear you’re voting third party in 2012.

One thing I don’t think I’ve heard a Republican say since 1968 is “I don’t know if I like our guy. I think I’ll vote third party or just sit this one out.”

Read the rest of this entry »

How Your Political Rants on Facebook Killed Our Bumper Sticker Sales

[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 13, 2012 by admin in Politics

Saturday, October 13th, 2012

If everyone is spending all their time expressing their quadrennial political expertise on Facebook, they hardly have time to DRIVE their cars, let alone buy bumper stickers for them. These are the early ideas for our abandoned novelty products for the 2012 election cycle.

Obama Drone
What better symbol for America
than a pilot-less war machine?

This has been a depressing election year. No, not because my side is losing. I’m not on one. It’s too hard to tell which side of any line these clowns are standing on. Mr. Rope-a-Hope sold out to the insurance industry to force health care on all of us, and his presidency is ironically well-represented by one of the things he gets the most flak about from his own base. What better symbol for our country right now than a pilot-less machine of war? And in the end – if he wins – Moderate Mitt will probably be more like that moniker than you think. Clearly, they scraped cells off Reagan’s body back in the 80′s, and have grafted them onto Romney to create the next meat puppet president. The transmogrification was nearly complete by the first debate. If you closed your eyes whenever Mitt spoke during that debate, you would SWEAR it was Ronny up there on the podium. Romney has even perfected that weird, breathy, Reagan vocal mannerism; if he just adds that odd head bobble of Reagan’s, the effect will be complete.

But that will only endear him SLIGHTLY to a “real” Republican, and Obama has the same problem. Democrats have one of the worst collective cases of buyer remorse since Carter first donned a cardigan for a fireside chat while his redneck brother crawled from the woodwork to market Billy Beer. And that creates a problem for people like me; it’s hard to work up some decent antagonistic campaign parodies when both sides hate their OWN candidate. The most positive responses I’ve gotten when lambasting Obama have come from bleeding heart liberals, and any protest from my conservative friends when I poke fun at Romney have been like the final punches of a fighter that knows that even if there’s no way they’ll take the title, there’s NO WAY they’ll stop punching ’til they actually go down, even if their punches ARE more like the open-handed sissy slaps I got when fighting my sister in third grade. In this cannibalistic environment, where partisans are eating their own, the best we could come up with in the last couple of years were things like the Donner Party  and the Punk Party.

But you know what makes matters even worse? YOU. In case you haven’t noticed, your political posts on Facebook are the REAL joke. The level of Read the rest of this entry »

5 Kickstarter Alternatives That May Save Your Social Life

[ 2 Comments ]Posted on October 6, 2012 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Saturday, October 6th, 2012

How Kickstarter may not only contribute to the demise of your friendships, but modern capitalist society as well. And some ideas for alternatives beyond Indigogo.

This guy has the right idea. Take
the money and ruuuuuuuuuuun!

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock lately, or unless your mom took away your internet connection because she caught you looking at amateur furry porn, you’ve probably heard about And if this goes the way of most other social media trends, within six months, you will have a failed one. A failed “Kickstarter”, that is. It’s apparently already a noun, as in “Got a really stupid idea that no-one in their right mind would fund? Why don’t you just start a Kickstarter?” Having that achievement behind you will fit nicely with that blog you never post on, that tumblr that no-one reads but has been “tumbled” 37 times, and that Twitter feed that has seven followers. But seriously. Is it just me, or have all our friends lost their minds? None of us are any less broke-ass than we were yesterday, but today, damn near every one of my Facebook friends either has a Kickstarter campaign or is pumping their friend’s like it’s a goddamn “Feed The Children” campaign. Aside from the simple math involved, which immediately makes it evident that if we all give each other twenty five dollars, we may have well have just kept it in the first place, Kickstarter does two other terrible things that will probably contribute in a significant way to the demise of modern capitalism. First, much like a kindergarten teacher or senior citizen’s crafts group, it encourages Read the rest of this entry »