Holidays
« Older Entries | Newer Entries »What’s Drunk, Green, And Probably Not Irish?
[ 2 Comments ]Posted on March 8, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Sunday, March 8th, 2009St. Patrick’s Day 2009
  Is he Irish? He mitre he might not be. But I bet he’s drunk. |
I must confess, I’ve never really understood St Patrick’s Day. According to Wikipedia, typical St. Patrick’s day celebrations include: attending mass parades, wearing shamrocks, wearing green, and drinking alcohol. Which, except for the shamrocks, sounds like a cast and extras reunion for the movie Elf or something. Back when I DID drink, I certainly didn’t need a holiday, and although I did dye my hair green once, it was really an accident. In the 80′s, you see, they hadn’t perfected that whole blue hair dye thing yet. And parades? Please. It mostly strikes me as odd that an Irish religious holiday is mostly celebrated by hard-drinking atheists who aren’t even Irish. So if you’re Irish, go ahead, get your blarney on by kissing stones and whatnot. Well, maybe avoid THIS whatnot (NSFW). And if you’re neither Irish nor religious, you might enjoy this secular jab at the holiday. Here at Dissociated Press, we’ll be treating March 17 like so many other sacred days: as an opportunity to gratuitously link to Amazon product pages that never seem to make us any money. For those of you who are trying to be classy about the whole thing (and failing), we have this stylish St Patrick’s Table Centerpiece
Mardis Gras: The Sacred Rite of Beads For Boobs
[ 3 Comments ]Posted on February 23, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Monday, February 23rd, 2009Why I’m Giving Up Boobs For Lent
Unless someone buys me a plane ticket tomorrow, it looks like I’ll miss Mardi Gras once again. Which is okay by me, if this National Geographic Traveler article is any indication. Most of their suggestions seem to revolve around how not to be a blithering idiot, like “be wary of scam artists” or “don’t pee in public“. It otherwise has suggestions for how not to lose your family, friends, net worth, and personal freedom. Sounds like a great time down in New Orleans, doesn’t it? I have to laugh at people who proclaim that they’re not giving up anything for Lent because it’s a stupid Christian holiday, and then turn around and whoop it up about Mardi Gras, which is essentially Carnival, which is essentially a way to go nuts before you give up things for Lent. Haha! They gotcha anyway, you anti-Christan rebel you! And for an interesting look at how trading beads for boobs supports sweatshops in China, don’t miss the award-winning documentary Mardi Gras: Made in China
Valentine’s Day 2009: Don’t Have A Black Saturday
[ Comments Off ]Posted on February 13, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Friday, February 13th, 2009Take control of your love life
If you haven’t finished your Valentine shopping by now, you may have a Black Saturday hot on the heels of your Black Friday. We’ve already offered up some Valentine Day suggestions here and here , but we have just a couple more thoughts. First of all, if you’re a woman, you might consider helping your man buy the gifts you want with a Control Your Man Talking Remote
Valentine’s Day 2009: Is That Love Gun Loaded?
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on February 3, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009Nothing says “I Love You” Like $40,000
 $40,000 Of Pure Love |
Thinking of getting your partner a diamond for Valentine’s Day? Well, as they say Nothing Says ‘I love you’ Like a Superficial and Overvalued Rock Clawed From the Guts of The Earth by African Slave Labor. And on that note, nothing says “Disposable Income” like a Blancpain Womens Ultra-slim Valentine’s edition watch. Only $40,800 USD. A bit steep for your budget? Do V-Day on the cheap with a Blancpain Camelia
I Feel Like I Posted This Before
[ 2 Comments ]Posted on February 3, 2009 by admin in Holidays
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009This morning I completely forgot it was Groundhog Day, mostly because of the fact that it was a good friend’s birthday (Happy Birthday Laura!) was more important in my thoughts. In any case, once I realized it was Groundhog Day, I took note of the fact that it was sunny, and thought “Oh. That means [...]
This morning I completely forgot it was Groundhog Day, mostly because of the fact that it was a good friend’s birthday (Happy Birthday Laura!) was more important in my thoughts. In any case, once I realized it was Groundhog Day, I took note of the fact that it was sunny, and thought “Oh. That means we’ll have….um…six more weeks of winter?” I couldn’t for the life of me remember how the tradition went, and kept asking people. They all said something similar like “I think it means, um…y’know, six or eight more weeks of….hmmm.” Living in Michigan, it was pretty darn clear to me that whatever that little rodent saw, we were in for at LEAST six more weeks of Winter. And suddenly I was overcome with the weird feeling that I had gone through all of this before. Which made me think it would be fun to rent Groundhog Day the movie. And then I remembered I had thought the same thing last year, and none of the local rental places had a copy. Then it dawned on me that the only time I seem to see the movie is when I’m laying around at a friend’s place in a different city, watching cable and recovering from the party the night before or something. And I think every time that happens, it feels creepily familiar. And now I’m just creeped out all around. Can we just start over?