Don’t tell anybody, but I’m a hopeless romantic. Apparently though, there are a lot of people out there that are a little more cynical about things like Valentine’s Day. That lovely foil wrapped candy pictured here for instance? According to this source, it says “Crazy Diarrhea” on the wrapper. If you have a special cynical someone in your life, Despair.com has a unique selection of message candy sets. The “Dumped” collection includes messages like “U LEFT SEATUP”, “CELIB8 THX2U”, and “CALL A 900#”. Be My Anti-Valentine offers some bitter e-cards, pointing out that “Valentine’s Day is like herpes: just when you think it’s gone for good, it rears its ugly head once more. No wonder some people prefer to call it VD.” For a more fratboy-like vibe, this site has a collection that includes messages like “I Think Of You When I Masturbate” accompanied by a cute teddy bear image. Want to make up your own message? Try this simple candy heart generator, or if you can read through the Engrish, buy a Picture the Flower Art Color Painter and print your message directly on the roses you buy. Because nothing says “I love you” like a mass-produced card written by a stranger. Except weird messages printed on roses. Or maybe some Pink Hi-Top Chuck Taylors