Holidays
« Older Entries | Newer Entries »Do You Have To Be A Matzochist To Celebrate Passover?
[ 3 Comments ]Posted on March 20, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Saturday, March 20th, 2010In spite of having tons of Jewish friends, they never invite me to Passover dinner. Maybe I shouldn’t complain. The “bread of affliction” doesn’t sound very tasty.
  Be your own wrathful old testament deity with the 10 Plagues Toy Set |
I have a strange tendency to get things backwards. As a white Anglo Saxon male, I should be all set. I should just go get my MBA and take the position I don’t deserve at the “rich white guy club” that I could have just for not being black, Mexican, a lesbian, or whatever. But no. I have to go through life shunning my entitlement and wallowing in my fascination with other cultures. Which has been fun, for the record. As a result of my open-mindedness and rejection of my glass ceilingless birthright, I’ve been the manager and only white guy at a Chinese restaurant, been awarded “honorary gay person” status by both genders, and been the only white guy in a funk trio briefly. But one thing that has passed me over repeatedly is – ironically – Passover dinner. I have lots of Jewish friends, but only one of them has invited me to Seder, and she was only Jewish because her mom converted, so things felt a little “by the booky”, more like a Sesame Street “hey kids, let’s look at how the Jewish people live” evening instead of a natural holiday experience. So Passover remains a mystery to me. If you read the rather dryly factual Wikipedia entry, it sounds like a grisly, depressive event to celebrate. Slavery, a wrathful, old testament deity inflicting plagues and killing firstborn children, and lambs’ blood being smeared on doorways. Scary stuff. So hey, if you’re Jewish, give me a ring this year. I’m keeping the evening open. I don’t think I’ll be hanging around for all seven days though. Read the rest of this entry »
Science Holidays: Pi Day, Einstein, Equinoxes & The Poles Of Uranus
[ Comments Off ]Posted on March 13, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Saturday, March 13th, 2010This time we forsake religious holidays for scientific ones, and end up talking in circles about Pi Day, Hole Theories, poles, and why Uranus won’t get up off its axis.
You don’t have to be Einstein to figure out that Pi Day is coming ’round again on March 14th, but if you were, it would be easier to remember, because it would also be your birthday. It also helps that Pi Day falls on 3.14, because well, that’s Pi. At least the “Pi For Dummies” version. For the longer, but still not full-size version (only a million digits) go here. March seems to have an astronomical number of math and science related “holidays”; not only do we bend time itself the day after Einstein’s birthday with Daylight Savings Time (which is bad for your health, by the way), but the following week we have the Vernal Equinox (that’s “First Day of Spring” for you lay people) which marks the halfway point between the longest and shortest days of the year. And don’t forget, it was on March 13, 1781 that William Herschel’s assistant climbed up on her ladder to adjust the telescope and Herschel said “I can see Uranus quite clearly tonight“. Bad astronomy jokes aside, Uranus is an odd planet. All the other planets keep their axes in line, spinning vertically like little tops. But at Uranus’ equinoxes, it points its pole straight at the Sun. Which probably has something to with why – in astrology – Uranus represents sudden and unexpected changes and breaking with convention. It may seem like I’m talking in circles here, but what else would you expect when touching on transcendental numbers and the birthday of a guy who struggled with a hole theory?
Beware The Ice of March & Other Holidays
[ Comments Off ]Posted on March 1, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Monday, March 1st, 2010Yes, it’s National Frozen Food Month AND National Nutrition Month. But the Peeps got to represent too. And what the hell is an Ide, and why does March have so many?
 I’m not sure this has much to do with nutrition |
There seems to be a little contradiction in the fact that March is both National Frozen Food Month and National Nutrition Month. Especially when we all know that regarding food, March is when Peeps is the one that got to represent, and that because of Easter, it’s really all about chocolate bunnies and spanking. Another contradiction in this month’s holidays is that although it’s Irish-American Heritage Month, on the biggest seemingly-related holiday, you’ll find that many people are drunk and green, but probably not Irish. I’m also a little perplexed as to how my town is going to honor Newspaper In Education Week, since we don’t have one. Speaking of reading, do some on March 2, because it’s Read Across America Day, in honor of Dr Seuss’ birthday. Which again is a little contradictory; I for one always preferred the pictures in Dr. Seuss books, and don’t think all that hop on pop and cat in hat stuff
February Holidays: Presidents, Parades, And Paczkis
[ Comments Off ]Posted on February 15, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Monday, February 15th, 2010At most Mardi Gras celebrations, a woman will bare her breasts for beads. In Michigan, she’ll be wantin’ a jelly doughnut.
 I think this is how they celebrate Mardi Gras in Hamtramck, MI |
Today is Presidents Day, which is a good example of our government at work. If you’re familiar with the details of the holiday, you know that it’s not actually in honor of multiple presidents, it’s just to honor Washington’s Birthday. But it never falls on Washington’s birthday, and kind of steals some thunder from Lincoln’s birthday. All so bankers and legislators can get a three day weekend, presumably to dream up more ways to destroy the free market. This week we also have Fat Tuesday, which you might think would be the annual holiday for Americans to celebrate how fat they are, but is in fact another example of Americans taking a Christian tradition and keeping all the fun bits while discarding the hard parts. Yes, a lot of Americans will feast and bare their breasts for beads this week, but few will then give up something for Lent. Most of us think of Brazil’s Carnival, Mardi Gras in New Orleans, and decadent sensuality when we think of Fat Tuesday, but not here in the northern climes. Nope, here it’s all about…jelly doughnuts. Yes, this week we have Paczki Day, the decidedly unsexy day that everyone in places like Detroit and Chicago line up for deep fried and flattened dough filled with jam. Way to party, midwesterners! According to Wikipedia, it’s pronounced 
, which I’m sure doesn’t help much. Just say “poonch-key”. Growing up in Michigan (but in an isolated bastion of weepy liberal intellectuals surrounded by cornfields) as I did, I spent most of my early life confusing Paczkis with Pastys, which I thought was spelled “pasties”. Which would’ve made for a better headline for this piece. But I’ve since learned that Pastys are the main course, and Paczkis are for dessert. This being the midwest, the other courses are of course comprised of something else deep-fried or made mostly of cheese or butter, washed down with a Budweiser. Fat Tuesday indeed.
Valentine’s Day: Love Me, Love My Dog
[ Comments Off ]Posted on February 10, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Wednesday, February 10th, 2010Saying “I love you” is just another way of saying “Gitcher ass in that kitchen an’ fry me a egg, woman”
 Make your own candy heart over at Demotivators.com |
Given the potential stress and expense of Valentine’s Day and today’s science-based eHarmony approach to love, perhaps you won’t find it surprising that rather than lavish chocolates and roses on a lover, millions of people choose instead to show their love for themselves or their dog. And it seems that otherwise, two of the biggest beneficiaries of V-Day love are condom makers and flower shops. According to this article, sales of both spike in February, with roses enjoying a really special boost. Buy on the 15th, and the price drops from $109 to $59. But of the $17 billion dollars spent this Valentine’s day, $10.7 billion will be spent on greeting cards. Breaking this down by gender sort of explains the social networking pattern of men following women on line; of all these billions being spent, men will outspend women almost two to one: $163.37 to $84.72. With the average person spending $119.67. I bet you’re wondering when your partner is gonna even out the averages, right? So anyway, given this focus on self and commerce for Valentine’s day, we’re continuing our tradition of opportunistic holiday Amazon product linking. If you really love us, consider buying something via those links once in awhile! So, we’ve already covered the most amusing Valentine gifts we could find, but at the end were left with a little question: who the HELL ever thought of giving kitchenware as a VALENTINE gift? Yes, nothing says “Gitcher ass in that kitchen an’ fry me a egg, woman” like a Tovolo Heart Shaped Spatula
