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Valentine’s Day: Love Me, Love My Dog

Topics: Holidays | Add A CommentBy admin | February 10, 2010

Saying “I love you” is just another way of saying “Gitcher ass in that kitchen an’ fry me a egg, woman”

Make your own candy heart
over at Demotivators.com

Given the potential stress and expense of Valentine’s Day and today’s science-based eHarmony approach to love, perhaps you won’t find it surprising that rather than lavish chocolates and roses on a lover, millions of people choose instead to show their love for themselves or their dog. And it seems that otherwise, two of the biggest beneficiaries of V-Day love are condom makers and flower shops. According to this article, sales of both spike in February, with roses enjoying a really special boost. Buy on the 15th, and the price drops from $109 to $59. But of the $17 billion dollars spent this Valentine’s day, $10.7 billion will be spent on greeting cards. Breaking this down by gender sort of explains the social networking pattern of men following women on line; of all these billions being spent, men will outspend women almost two to one: $163.37 to $84.72. With the average person spending $119.67. I bet you’re wondering when your partner is gonna even out the averages, right? So anyway, given this focus on self and commerce for Valentine’s day, we’re continuing our tradition of opportunistic holiday Amazon product linking. If you really love us, consider buying something via those links once in awhile!  So, we’ve already covered the most amusing Valentine gifts we could find, but at the end were left with a little question: who the HELL ever thought of giving kitchenware as a VALENTINE gift? Yes, nothing says “Gitcher ass in that kitchen an’ fry me a egg, woman” like a Tovolo Heart Shaped Spatula, or Valentine Themed Apron. If this is how your man shows his love, maybe you need a Grow Your Own Boyfriend kit. He’ll look nice alongside your Love Stinks Bearington Bear.

Nothing says “I Love You” like a Tovolo Heart Shaped Spatula

We tried to find some Valentine-themed games for your amusement, but game designers being the lovelorn demented souls that they are, the results were pretty feeble. In Valentiner, you’re a money hungry cupid shooting at money in the clouds, and in Love Overdose, you pointlessly shoot helpless teddy bears. Which is a good example of a pattern we observed a while back in which game developers seem obsessed with creating games that abuse helpless animals.