Editorial & Opinion
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[ 6 Comments ]Posted on January 12, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion
Monday, January 12th, 2009If We’re Doing Our Job, You Aren’t
We’ve had so few visitor comments lately that I can’t guage if these Monday Demotivators are doing their job, or if it’s just that no-one’s reading any more. I hope it’s the former. As I’ve said before, I don’t enjoy the darn games myself, I just take perverse glee in the idea of making you late for work if I can. So here we go. If you’re still in a pre-caffeinated state, Flubber Rise might be the place to begin. Just keep clicking the little Flubber guy. Remember, as the game says: “Flubber fountains make you grow!” I can’t believe I just typed that. What’s maybe even scarier is that you’re reading it. Next up: Dodge. Crap, I actually enjoyed that one. You just, well, DODGE stuff. On the other hand, Colordefense is evil. Move a tri-colored circle around so the colors match the color of the little squares attacking you. Simple enough, except the bastard that created the game made it so you use your W, A, S, and D keys to move around. Speaking of “the other hand”, maybe if you’re sinistral, Colordefense is easier to play. Let me know, lefties. Moving on, does the adjective “xtreme” bother you as much as it bothers me? Try xTreme Ball Racing anyway. I’m not really into racing little balls in real life, but this game’s visuals made me a little dizzy, which is something I DO enjoy for some reason. Just avoid the blueballs. Er, I mean, the blue balls. And lastly, for those who insist on using their brain a little, we have Gravitat. Kind of like an overwhelming version of Tic-Tac-Toe, but with gravity.
Happy Birthday Elvid Bowsley
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on January 8, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion
Thursday, January 8th, 2009Wow, nothing like David Bowie turning sixty-two to put things in perspective for you. I mean, is it okay to like Fleet Foxes if you’re over say, thirty-five? Am I turning into the creepy old guy who’s kind of hip that I used to laugh at in the clubs? Am I just a few short [...]
Wow, nothing like David Bowie turning sixty-two to put things in perspective for you. I mean, is it okay to like Fleet Foxes
It’s Finger Ricking Good!
[ Comments Off ]Posted on January 6, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion
Tuesday, January 6th, 2009Kentuck Fly Chicken Anyone?
You may have already heard of Engrish or Chinglish, the humorous collision of English and Chinese in language and signage. Yesterday, the online news and information site Mirror.co.uk (never considered to be a benchmark of journalism in the first place) had a piece about a new mall opening in China that is comprised entirely of counterfeit brands like Pizza Huh and Bucksstar Coffee. Thing is, most of the images in the article were hobbled from other sites with no credit given. One of the best sites for perusing collections of these images (especially if you speak Spanish) is pincheschinos.blogspot.com, “La Biblioteca en Línea de la Piratería China” , where I ran across Wahaha Future Cola. They call the company “Wahaha” because that’s the sound their CEO’s make knowing that although it’s not “The Real Thing” now, it probably will be.
Monday Morning Time Killer
[ Comments Off ]Posted on January 5, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion
Monday, January 5th, 2009Don’t waste more time not wasting time, the year is already 1/73 over!
For some, this is not only the first work day of the week, it’s the first work day of the year. In our ongoing effort to prevent Monday from happening, let’s start with an annoyingly simple yet challenging short-term memory test, Beer Caps. Gave me a headache. Let me know if there’s some reward at the end. I spend most of my life trying to forget things, and here a game asks me to remember things. Moving on: in the tradition of Karoshi Suicide Salaryman (previously mentioned as a Christmas Eve Demotivator) Comedy Central’s Adult Swim brings you Five Minutes To Kill (Yourself). Hopefully you have more than five minutes, because it takes about that long to load, and another five to realize the arrow controls are a little counter-intuitive. And speaking of slow load times, some of you will appreciate the Dial Up Kid. Yes. That thing he’s doing is all he does. Double irony: if you’re on dial-up, you might not find it so funny after it finally loads. And here’s your positive thought for the day: The year is already 1/73 over!
Some Predictions for 2009
[ Comments Off ]Posted on January 1, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion
Thursday, January 1st, 2009One thing I learned in 2008 was that if you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. I know a lot of people have had a tough time financially, but as a chronically self-employed person I’ve gotten used to the occasional thin times. I presently have no insurance, no investments, don’t own a home, and [...]
One thing I learned in 2008 was that if you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. I know a lot of people have had a tough time financially, but as a chronically self-employed person I’ve gotten used to the occasional thin times. I presently have no insurance, no investments, don’t own a home, and you know what? Life’s okay. I’m excited about 2009 for a few reasons, chief amongst them being the inauguration of our new president. I imagine he’ll sell out a lot of our hopes and dreams, but let’s not be naive. Lying and compromising are the very definition of the word “politician”, and Barack Obama is a consummate politician. I have a lot of faith though, that we as citizens will now have some inspiration to get our asses in gear, since we’re now less likely to live in fear of making some secret list just for pointing out how screwed up things are. I personally don’t have any resolutions for the new year, but I do have some hopes and some predictions, which I’ll post here in the coming days. Here’s a start:
Some Of My 2009 Predictions
- In an exclusive interview from his new extradition-proof home in Paraguay, Dick Cheney will reveal that key Bush administration members were secretly Nazi Socialists whose only intent was to destroy and nationalize the American banking system.
- The day after his inauguration, Barack Obama will point out that he’s not really all that black, provoking widespread riots, mostly amongst white, affluent tree-huggers whose racial guilt has suddenly been un-absolved.
- A band of teenage hackers will take control of the global satellite network and begin broadcasting Sponge Bob, The Simpsons, and South Park 24 hours a day. Five days later, military conflict will cease globally.
- Using Google Earth, an isolated island will accidentally be discovered where numerous allegedly dead celebrities (Heath Ledger, Brandon Lee, Michael Hutchence, etc.) live a life of unbridled sensuality and perversion funded by the profits from what otherwise would have been their mediocre final films and CD’s.
- The new Terminator movie will surprise critics and fans alike by not sucking at all.
- A “ragtag, fugitive fleet, on a lonely quest—for a shining planet”, will arrive in Earth orbit with a bunch of humanoids called “Cylons” hot on their tail. Barack Obama will be revealed as the fifth of the mythical “final five”.
More Soon. Happy New Year!