Plastering cubicles with Post-Its is soooo 2004. And with today’s skittish economy, office life should be more about destroying your potential enemies than having a laugh with your cubemates.
This one requires tremendous dedication,
much like the last image below
Remember back in Ye Olden Days of the Before Time, the days of the Dot-com Bubble, when you and all your friends had jobs that paid $80k+ a year, and “work” on Monday consisted primarily of calling your friends on the phone while browsing Match.com and reclaiming your childhood by buying mint-in-box copies of your favorite toys on eBay? Yeah, me neither. While all those hosers were busy frittering away the capital from the biggest economic boom in history, I was working my butt off starting a business. And as a result, I rarely work on Mondays, because I’ve usually worked ALL WEEKEND. Which is why, as recently as 2009, I still took delight in derailing the MF95 crowd’s week with our Monday Demotivators. Well, the other day, it occurred to me that this was not enough, so I figured it was time to revive The Office Prank. We’re omitting the more obvious “cubicle remodeling” jokes; once you’ve seen one cube covered in Post-Its, foil, or wrapping paper, you’ve seen them all. Instead, we’re focusing more on gaslighting methods. We’ve outlined them below. Just don’t get carried away like the dentist who thought that replacing his employee’s teeth with boar tusks would be good for a hoot. Things might get ugly .
Every night after the victim leaves work, remove every staple from their stapler except for 3 or 4. This requires long-term persistence to see and enjoy the results
Put scotch tape over the plug-end on the target’s desk phone receiver, and plug it back in. This works as is, but for more rewarding results, call their line, and act like a management or HR figure. When they respond and you “can’t hear them”, start suggesting that their silent treatment is getting them in deeper trouble by the second.
Put a “Voice Activated’ sign on a new machine (fax, printer, copier, etc.) in the office. Here are some official looking documents.
Computer Based Tricks
Take a print-screen of their desktop, save it as the background, then hide all the icons on the desktop.
Reverse the buttons on the victim’s mouse in Control Panel.
Dvorak their keyboard.
Add a USB wireless keyboard and mouse receiver to their station, and randomly operate the extra keyboard and mouse while they work.
Assign pornographic sounds to simple things on their computer.
Install the dreaded Blue Screen of Death Screensaver.
Change the AutoCorrect settings in Word -
The image below is from Word 2000. It may look different on your version, but the method will be very similar. Go to Tools>AutoCorrect and make sure “Replace text as you type” is selected, then add replacements of your choice in the “Replace” and “With” boxes. Here are a set of words that will take them forever to notice: accept/except; advice/advise; are/our; buy/by; complement/compliment; emigrate/immigrate; it’s/its; loose/lose; miner/minor; past/passed; principal/principle; stationary/stationery; than/then; their/there/they’re; threw/through; weather/whether; your/you’re
|The Phantom Keystroker V2 is a handy (and maybe less expensive) alternative to the USB keyboard trick above. Just $10.95|
|The Annoy-a-tron 2.0 emits the sound you select at random intervals including: Teen Buzz tone (young people can hear it, older people can’t), Cricket chirping, IM Doorbell, Grating Electronic Noise, Electronic Beep. $10.99|
|Although they mention no health warnings, you may want to spare children or the infirm. The SHOCKING PEN – EMPIRE EDITION emits a powerful “poke” when clicked. $2.34|
You’ll need some crime scene tape for this one:
And a decent cobweb gun for this one:
And we had to include this one out of sheer admiration for the devotion required:
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