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Last Minute Valentine Gifts For Romance Impaired Misogynists

Topics: Holidays | 21 CommentsBy admin | February 5, 2011

The very words “Last Minute Valentine Gifts” kind of suggest a problem. Why not just own up to your misogyny and buy a copy of Marc Rudov’s “Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze or Jumper Cables”

We’ve already shared a lot of other Valentine Gift Ideas, but are you a man who is sick and tired of these sexist, gender-lopsided traditions of Valentine’s Day? Or perhaps a woman who is sick and tired of the man in your life, who claims he’s sick and tired of the sexist, gender-lopsided traditions of Valentine’s Day, so he can get out of buying you Valentine’s gifts? Well, I think we’ve found the perfect gift for both of you. If you’re the woman in this scenario, you can buy it for the man, to help make him go away. And if you’re the man, you can maintain your thinly-veiled misogynistic pride by buying yourself a copy. And after you’ve validated all your bogus values of equality based on anti-feminism, you can start a bromance with Marc Rudov, and enjoy an endless string of chick-bashing man dates together. I’m referring, of course, to any of the “books” by Mark Rudov, including The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth or Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze or Jumper Cables. We put the word “books” in quotes, because The Man’s No-Nonsense Guide to Women appears to be the only one that made it into actual book form. The rest are just over-priced eBooks. We were going to pick up a copy of “Under the Clitoral Hood” so we could review it, until we realized it was a 55 PAGE EBOOK FOR $9.95 and decided to pass. Besides, Rudov’s message can easily be overheard any night of the week at a sports bar or strip club for free. And his personality type isn’t hard to suss out either; with free teaser downloads like Her Double-D’s Can Bankrupt You (PDF) and the admonishment on the “buy” page that “You can open and print this document as many times as you wish on the computer in which you installed and unlocked it. I can monitor this usage and deactivate your key if you abuse this privilege“, it’s clear that Rudov is a self-righteous, homophobic, breast-fearing, love-damaged control freak. An assumption we think is probably validated by the warm welcome he seems to receive on Bill O’Reilly’s Fox TV program. So. All you latently homosexual men who hate Valentine’s Day, rejoice! You finally have someone to share bro jobs with. And you can do it on Rudov’s Nomance Day . Oh. And if for some reason you need an image of the cover of one of Rudov’s books, brace yourself if you do a Google Image Search for “Under the Clitoral Hood”.

There’s a tense homo-eroticism when Rudov is on Bill O’Reilly’s show, and we think we know why:

Read Comments

  1. Posted by HTB on 02.06.11 1:29 am

    “admin,” I don’t admire you’re strong aversion to logic, equality, self-respect, and satisfying relationships.

  2. Posted by admin on 02.06.11 10:47 am

    What about our exceptionally well-developed sense of satire and irony?

  3. Posted by Voice of reason on 02.06.11 11:39 am

    Interesting what the above, anonymous author says:

    “And after you’ve validated all your bogus values of equality based on anti-feminism…”
    I’d be interested in hearing why she believes authentic equality is “bogus.”
    What’s really bogus here is this little girl’s propensity toward libel because Marc Rudov refuses to tow the politically correct line and speaks the truth.

    If the author were a mature adult, she would refrain from the childish name-calling.

    Regarding feminism, it’s a scam.

    An article about feminism being a scam, written by a woman:


    [Note: The commenter's excerpt below was reduced from three paragraphs cut and pasted from the source site to two sentences that reference the start point of the quoted source. A link should suffice.]

    “…But at its most basic level, the feminist label has never been solely or even predominantly about preventing and ending oppression or discrimination of women. It has been about advancing the Left’s social and political agenda against Western societies…”

  4. Posted by Keith Kristianson on 02.06.11 5:45 pm

    I am certainly about equality for all, yes that includes gender. When some says thats a womans job i usually think of her seated to relieve herself all other jobs are equal.Our life at home here works so much better when the lid(not seat) on the toilet is put down after every use. So you can see its an equal opportunity house. We both have the option of going to relieve ourselves with the seat down or seat and lid up. Its called equal opportunity for both sex’s and was my beautiful wifes idea.

  5. Posted by Tim on 02.07.11 12:15 am

    If a person disagrees with your position, just call him a “homo” and ignore his arguments…

    This is a sad and tired tactic. I think Rukov is right, and I am also boycotting Valentine’s Day.

  6. Posted by Beatrix on 02.07.11 7:05 am

    As someone whose had sex with him on a number of occasions, I can assure the ironically named commenter above “Voice of reason” that Ian is niether “little” nor a girl.


    These people commenting all sound like shills not real people. Even the most sexist male friends I have think that this Rudov guy is just out to sell books by pandering to a common form of angst, much like tabloid news. On friend said that if it were race he was talking about, he’s like a Farrakhan (sp?) or a Jesse Jackson when the topic really needs a Martin Luther King.

    I thought it was obvious the piece was meant to be funny not a serious editorial. I’d hate to see how you guys react to the Colbert Report or movies like Borat.

  7. Posted by admin on 02.07.11 7:27 am

    I was just going to let people comment as they wished, and not bother addressing the topic further, but as much as I cringed approving Beatrix’s comment because of her flippant first remark, she said something that I will affirm, which is yes, the piece is intended as “meta satire”. One only has to view the humorous “gift suggestions” in the link right at the top of the article ( http://dissociatedpress.com/tag/valentines-day-gift-ideas ) to figure that out. If I were to say something SERIOUS about Rudov, it would be that it’s too bad that someone so obviously intelligent and with such a keen eye for monetizing an idea chose to deal with the topic that he addresses with such hyperbole. The problem he addresses is real in many ways, but is perpetuated by the hostile tone of his packaging, which DOES appeal to a common male frustration. Great marketing (it made him a regular on Fox, right?) but hardly what I personally consider a productive approach to seeking true equality. That’s why the piece is written with the same hyperbole that Rudov’s material relies on. I have no apologies if it misses the mark for some people.

    *Steps down from soapbox, returns to writing satire*

  8. Posted by Keith on 02.08.11 1:24 pm

    Wow! What a hate-filled article! The problem with V.-D. is: it is NOT a mutual/reciprocal event. EVERY news article, radio spot, & t.v. ad tells MEN what they should do or buy on this day. When did it become ONLY about the woman??? It is supposed to be a celebration of your relationship which, by definition, requires 2 (TWO) or more ppl. So then, where are the magazine (etc.) articles telling women how NOT to “screw up this day/event”??? Your article CLEARLY was NOT “satire”. Also, being a spineless male who has no testicles, u ‘caved’ to the Feminist agenda. Why r u disrespecting your own gender?? Really what ur doin is aiding the destruction of the idea of “equality” which most women ‘claim’ they strive for; as-long-as it means they are on the receiving end. NO-where in ur article did u encourage women to be generous to their men. That only promotes an attitude of entitlement. How biased is that? That is NOT “satire”!

  9. Posted by joe shmoe 6 pack plumber crack on 02.08.11 3:56 pm


    sounds like some have gotten burned on this hallmark holiday

  10. Posted by Mike on 02.08.11 3:58 pm

    Another funny piece admin. Made me laugh as i understand its just satire…. Well done.

  11. Posted by SpEdTeacher on 02.08.11 5:08 pm

    Have any of these dudes ever gotten laid? Oh wait, I’ll bet you haven’t but it’s all the WOMAN’S fault. You’re a NICE GUY but women just want bad boys or guys who make 8 figures. It’s not YOU at all!! It’s all these goddamned women wanting the right the vote, the right to have an abortion and some goddamned flowers on goddamned Valentine’s Day!!!! You’re nice guys, right? It’s not YOUR fault that you haven’t gotten a blow job since 1987 (that time with your frat brother doesn’t count). These damned women expect you to buy them motherfucking surf and turf before they put out and you can’t afford that on your assistant to the assistant Home Depot manager salary. Hell, you could just go to a prostitute! (Which of course should be legal because women choose that profession so much and besides, as an alpha male you need to spread your seed amongst the most beautiful and youngest of the women…you don’t want any old lady, right?)

    And of course, if a woman wrote an article against feminism, then it must be a scam, right? Kinda how Clarence Thomas is against affirmative action, and he’s black and so therefore affirmative action MUST be a crock, right?

    I’d love to see what would happen if this asshole wrote a book in this vein but about minorities. He’d have his head served to him on a platter, but write something about women and nobody makes a peep.

  12. Posted by Killosaur on 02.09.11 5:44 am

    Look, I don’t know about all this political banter, this post-feminism or pre-homophobia and all that. This story hits close to home for me. I used to have Double-D’s and they bankrupted me. It’s a real problem. They took all my money and prevented me from finding gainful employment. I just sat around looking at them all day long. Then after they drained me of all that is good and just and protein filled, they left me for another woman. Now I sit without breasts in a dilapidated old trailer eating Ramen noodles.

  13. Posted by Reflections on Valentine’s Day « The Badger Hut on 02.11.11 6:42 am

    [...] sponatenous, voluntary romance have spawned a predictable phalanx of unhinged haters saying he is an incorrigible sexist, a loser or just doesn’t want to spend any money. Rudov hasn’t gone so far as to [...]

  14. Posted by 8ball on 02.11.11 2:52 pm


    Whether or not somebody can “get laid” is completely irrelevant to their arguments. The fact that this was the tack you chose only serves to highlight your own inability to form a counter-argument.

    The fact is, Rudov does have a point. We live in a world in which women are free to embrace or drop their “gender role” as the situation suits, but I, as a man, am still expected to live by mine. If I’m not supposed to expect a woman to “cook and clean” why am I still expected to plan and pay for everything?

  15. Posted by Sasha on 02.11.11 10:40 pm

    When a girl asks for presents-she is bad. When a girl asks for attention-she is bad. When she is not asking for anything-she is good, but she already has everything and she does not need you anymore.

    Common gentlemen, what are you thinking? You mostly say you want her to put out, if this is important to you than put out too! This is a trade off. A real relationship is based on more than getting laid you douches.

  16. Posted by admin on 02.11.11 11:27 pm

    It’s nice to see a few people being a little rational here. One of the most sane commentaries I’ve read (not that I agree with the author’s position or anything) can be found at that “Badger Hut” pingback above. The antagonistic tone on this topic is not that surprising I guess, I mean, we’ve all seen how OTHER mammals reproduce. It can be nearly lethal with some species.

    For the more obviously frustrated and hostile males commenting though, especially the ones that incorrectly guessed my gender or seem obsessed with discussing my genitals for some reason, I might suggest reading Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man, by Susan Faludi. If a $9.95, 55 page eBook-slash-marketing piece by Marc Rudov is all you can handle, you may find its 672 pages daunting, but on the bright side, it clocks in at about $0.0088 per page versus Rudov’s $0.18. And it honestly is an interesting view on how American men of the last few decades “got the shaft”, it’s just not presented by someone who has a big dog in the fight; i.e.: their manliness.

    And honestly, you’re not going to fix a problem in our society by running around screaming at others. Real change always starts with ones’ own behavior, not trying to manipulate others.

    So here’s a really simple solution: DON’T BUY HER NOTHIN’.
    And be okay with that.
    And if SHE isn’t, find someone who is.

  17. Posted by Sasha on 02.13.11 12:03 am

    I WANT FLOWERS for Valentines and every other holiday and I am NOT ok with not getting any!

    Btw can we get emails when there is a reply?

  18. Posted by admin on 02.13.11 6:18 pm

    Sorry Sasha, no flowers, but we just installed a comment notification option. Just for you. For Valentine’s Day.

    By the way, if we feel like getting you something else, are you a boy or a girl?

  19. Posted by Sasha on 02.13.11 9:15 pm

    I am a girl ))))))))))))))

  20. Posted by admin on 02.14.11 1:24 pm

    Okay. We just wanted to be sure you weren’t some gay Russian dancer guy or somethin’ before we sent the lingerie and chocolate.


  21. Posted by Terry Osterhout on 02.15.11 7:05 pm

    I had the nicest Valentine’s Day I have ever had yesterday, and so did my lady “Last night was my first truly romantic Valentine’s Day ever! Most holidays tend to be disappointing, ya know?” as quoted from her Facebook. It was kind of traditional. We went out to eat, got each other a couple of small things, and I did get her flowers and chocolate.

    It doesn’t take a lot of effort to treat someone well and enjoy them and their company if you want to.

    Memories are better than money, and love is better than anything. Another great article, Ian.