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I Spy Something Red White & Blue

Topics: Technology | Add A CommentBy admin | August 28, 2010

Why spying on your fellow Americans is your duty as a patriot, and how to do it.

For some reason, it hadn’t occurred to me until the other day that because the Bush administration made spying on citizens part of the American Way (an idea that in spite of all his talk of change, Obama wholeheartedly supports ), we’re actually obligated to spy on each other to show our patriotism. As always, if you want to know how to spy, there’s a retarded eHow article on the topic. I hope the author of “How to Use a Webcam to Spy on People” causes the content farm Demand Media to get their pants sued off; before you write a piece like that, you might want to ponder the legality of what you’re suggesting. That issue doesn’t seem to be stopping anyone though (including us); there are hundreds of articles like this. Although we’d hasten to point out that the content farm hack that wrote How to spy on people for Hubpages.com also authored Tips on how to get a girl to go out with you and How to invest in the nigerian stock market. So frankly, you might just improvise. There are plenty of tools available, so the only limits on what you can do these days would be a result of your own lack of moral decrepitude or ingenuity. In light of the legal decision handed down the other day that allows government agents to sneak onto your property in the middle of the night, put a GPS device on the bottom of your car, and keep track of everywhere you go, why not just do it yourself with an Always Find Mini Realtime Covert Vehicle Tracker? That’ll only set you back about 300 bucks. For free, you can use this site – using the same GPS technology – to track anyone with just their cell phone number. It was pretty amazing to watch their software zero in on the target with satellite images, just like in a cheesy spy film. We have NO IDEA what they do with the numbers you enter; I used the number of a plumber that recently caused me a ton of headaches and overbilled me for simple job. And let’s reiterate that it’s no longer bad to spy, it’s the patriotic thing to do. But remember – in an era when Google’s CEO thinks privacy is a thing of the past, you’ll want to be on your guard, just like a real spy. You never know. Your new Facebook friend might just be a spy or an IRS Agent . Below are some handy tools to get you started. Happy prying!

Teddy Bear Wireless Camera

Yeah, they pitch it as a product for baby monitoring. But what a surprise for your cheating partner when they learn that little Teddy’s broadcast-ready.

Pocket Pro Pen Style Camcorder

In spite of its bulk, the nerd most likely to use this probably has adequate pocket-liner clutter to keep this device stealthy

Covert Micro Pinhole Spy Camera

Pretty creepy. Just make a pinhole in any object, place the camera, and you’re ready to watch your target’s banal existence 24/7.

Microeyes Nanny Cam

The perfect gizmo for the constantly expanding Nanny States of the world. What a cute name for a survaillance device!

Secret Compartment US Quarter

I envision a nationwide network of undercover buskers and bums transmitting important data via casual coin tosses.

Mini Realtime Covert Vehicle Tracker

You can engage in the same kind of invasive vehicle tracking as the government for just 300 bucks. Great for tracking pizza deliveries too.

You have to wonder who these vendors are really targeting. The image below was used by several of the spy camera makers listed above.