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A Listful of Dollars, Infostractions For Graphtards, & More YouTubidity

Topics: Popular Media | Add A CommentBy admin | August 28, 2010

Our final collection of pointless infographics, lists of stupid lists, and the videos that eat up any time you have left over after Facebook.

Completely irrelevant photo
of Heather Locklear

I’m always searching for ways to bring you interesting content without actually doing any work. For a long time, I achieved this with our Monday Demotivators, but with the incredible growth in the unemployment sector, no one’s at work on Monday these days to avoid it, so we dropped that weekly feature back in December 2009. More recently, I thought I’d sneak by with a weekly “linkdump” (like this one and this one), but quickly realized that this would be almost as much work as actually writing something, so I hope you enjoy this final collection of useless infographics, pointless lists, and YouTubidity. The infographics and videos are first, because the stupid list of 66 stupid lists would take you almost as long to peruse as the hours of suffering all the involved parties endured in the hope that someone would actually take the time to look it over. Oh. But before we move on, my pick for link of the week is the story of how Coach scrubbed their brand clean of all the filthy Snooki.

Weekly WTF

I’ll be eternally grateful if you can explain these two images to me:

Videos You Need…

Brilliantly Cute Video Of The Week
(Thank you Giri & Jordan)

Meanest Video Of The Week
Laughing at this requires a well-developed sense of schadenfreude.

Near-Miss Internet Meme
I want to strangle the creator of this video for going to all the trouble of being almost brilliant and then NOT SYNCHING THE EDITS. Shame.

Infostractions For Graphtards

Finally, a smart infographic. Couldn’t find the original source. Full image here.

This week’s winner of the useless infographics award is Deflation Education: Secrets of the Death Spiral:

66 Lists Of Things That Don’t Need To Be Listed

Because the only thing stupider than stupid lists or a list of stupid lists is a stupid list of stupid lists with commentary.

12 All New Best Test Answers Of All Time
I’m pretty sure the teachers who laughed and gave points for these answers can be found on this list.
Top 50 Most Desirable Arab Women
Apparently the only desirable Arab women are Lebanese and Morrocan, and wear more makeup than RuPaul and Lady Gaga combined.
17 Mouthwatering Bacon Facts
Somehow the phrase “mouthwatering bacon” rendered this list ineffective for me. How ’bout you?
10 Marvelous Moments In Drink Spill Fail
Kind of misleading. All of these people are actually succeeding at spilling drinks.
13 Movie Infographics
The best of both worlds! A list AND useless infographics rolled into one.
15 Things You Can Make With Tampons
I didn’t even look at this one, for fear that it might include recipes. Plus I didn’t have any tampons handy.
10 Signs That You May Be A Hoarder
The fact that you collected ten reasons may be the first giveaway.
40 Most Artistic Examples Of Ipad Finger Painting
This would be a lot more impressive if they were done on an Etch-a-Sketch
37 Super Cool Etch Sketch Drawings
This would be a lot more impressive if they were done on an iPad.
6 Movie Plots That Could Have Been Solved In Minutes
But took the writer list maker years to locate.
7 Awesome End Of The World Movies
This list’s ineptness is topped only by its claim that 28 Days Later is “Quite possibly one of the best end of the world films of all-time”.
Top 12 Things Found In Dorm Fridge
I wonder if this actually ever had any hope of being funny?
5 Retail Markups
Wherein you become privy to hot finance information like “movie concession prices are high”.
12 Hilarious And Crazy Radar Stories
I think one of these stories was funny, but I kept falling asleep trying to read them.
15 Great Corporate Blogs
This wins the double oxymoron award. We expect nothing less from a great corporate blog like Mashable.
Five Viral Rules Video
You probably haven’t seen this video ’til now. So should you believe him?
6 Insane Attempts To Make Movies Starring Dead Movie Stars
Who knew Laurence Olivier was actually ALIVE when they began shooting Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow?
Celebrities Most Awkward Sex Scenes According To Them
A list of the ones they ENJOYED would get a lot more attention, don’t you think?
Annoying Wedding Trends
Nothing could be more annoying than the thousands of videos inspired by Jill & Kevin’s Wedding Entrance Dance. Wait. I feel a list coming on.
25 Beautiful Selective Color Photos
I bet you didn’t know there’s an amazing program called PHOTOSHOP. Don’t feel bad. This person just found out yesterday.
45 Smoking Hot Oktoberfest Lederhosen Babes
Somehow “Hot Oktoberfest Lederhosen Babes” has the same effect on me as “mouthwatering bacon facts”.
25 Stunning Infinity Pools Worldwide
Interesting, would be better with 3D flyovers.
Seven Worth Seeing Movie to be Watched Again and Again
A headline like this is a dead giveaway that the list was made by a Russian search engine spammer. The site is called “Save Delete”. I think the choice is obvious.
11 Most Popular Social Network Search Engines
This is even better than the “Seven Worth Seeing Movie” list above. From the site (read zeese weeth Russian accent to be having zee maxeemoom eefect): “If you are using Internet most of the times, there are chances that you use search engines to check about your favorite topics, find contents and get answers to your questions.” Note that number 11 is KGBpeople.com.
10 Top Sex Positions
If you’re going to make a list like this, you could at least create a list for “bottoms” too.
10 Top Sex Festivals
See above.
Top 10 Longest Living Animals
Probably the ones that managed to avoid the people looking at lists like the two above.
10 Craziest Captchas Out There
I imagine a guy sitting at a login page hitting “refresh” all day. Sad.
Top Ten Google Street View Photobombs Pictures
I had never noticed all the people pooping and peeing on Google Street View before. Thanks for this, you hardworking listmaker person, whoever you are.
Top 10 Worst American Cities For Traffic
Boris the Russian list master is at it again, but his English is improving. From the site: “The worst traffic in the U.S. is getting even worse. It pollutes as the vehicles idle. It wastes the time of trucks and passenger cars.
10 Bizarre Alternative Uses For Condoms
Damn. Same problem here as with the tampon list.
20 Most Annoyingly Over Used Movie Trailer Songs
This actually has one of my favorite pop songs ever. See YouTubity, below.
5 Comic Book Ads That Tried To Get Your Children Killed
Not funny. I nearly drowned in one of those submarines as a kid while studying Sea Monkeys.
7 Beautiful Fountain Shows Across The Globe
Boris again. This time he says (remember to read with a Russian accent): “Fountain or sometimes called water fountain, is a piece of architecture which pours water into a basin or jets it into the air either to supply drinking water or for decorative or dramatic effect”. Boris opted to use the same font for OddStuff as Save Delete. And he hasn’t figured out that whole “embed the video” thing either.
The 3 Reasons Why Darren Rowse, Jeremy Schoemaker, and Brian Clark Are Rich
Fortunately, they explain who Darren Rowse, Jeremy Schoemaker, and Brian Clark ARE.
5 Trends Affecting How We Connect Through Social Media
Could someone please go over to Mashable.com and just start punching the staff until they wake up and actually write something?
15 Gorgeous Examples of Fruit Art
This is it. I’m gonna start a site that steals all its pictures from other sites and then says hey, look at all these neat pictures I collected on the Internets! Oh wait. That’s called Google Image Search.
10 Posing tips for models
I feel gypped. There were only eight. And I have a posing tip for the creator of this list: pull your head a little further out. It makes your ass look big.
The World’s 10 most influential Languages
This is an interesting list, but on the Internets, Boris’s pidgin English is the most influential language.
20 Creative Examples of Manipulated Artistic Work
This is what would happen if Dali had Photoshop and stole his own ideas.
13 Hilariously Inappropriate T-Shirts
Actually they all seem appropriate to me. Especially this one.
10 Reasons To Go Barefoot Running
Here. I’ll give you three1.) The global econopocalypse is near

2.) You’ll need to catch some dinner

3.) You won’t have 150 bucks for a pair of sneakers

10 Most Iconic Movie Bikinis Ever
Who knew bikinis could be “iconic”.
5 Reasons to go Vagitarian
See “bikinis”, above. Oh wait. That said VEGEtarian.
8 of the Dirtiest Sexual Innuendos in Children’s Cartoons
This will actually surprise you a bit. Although they should’ve included Batman, especially any episodes involving the villain “Shame”. Like these romantic moments. (That link should take you to 3:39 in the clip. SHAME, Shame!)
The 25 Scariest Moments in Non-Horror Movies
Actually those Batman episodes referenced above are scarier.
5 Reasons Immortality Would be Worse than Death
This list renders “15 Things You Didn’t Know About Death” (below) incomplete.
30 Lavish Jeans Textures (Flickr Edition)
I had to include this, because it’s so representative of the billions of useless “100 Great Design Ideas (that actually suck)” genre.
Top 5 Wrongly Motivated Serial Killers
Which of course begs the question, what’s the RIGHT motivation?
10 Online Business Myths
They left out “Lists On The Web About Improving Your Business Will Improve Your Business”
11 Scared Men
This link text delivers what it promises
5 Useful Facebook Trend and Search Services
Because you know, spending your life on Facebook isn’t enough, you really should analyze it too.
7 Sources of Free Sounds for Multimedia Projects
For when you need an authentic limb being cut off sound. Minus the scream you always get when you try to do this on your own.
30 Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle
This list is especially impressive for stealing almost every image on Worth1000.com without crashing their servers.
8 Movie Sex Cliches That (Thankfully) Never Happen in Real Life
This actually isn’t bad. If it weren’t for MOVIE sex, we’d have no material to help us fantasize through our ACTUAL sex, and our species would perish.
15 Things You Didn’t Know About Death
This list is woefully incomplete. See “5 Reasons Immortality Would be Worse than Death”, above.
39 Hilariously Botched Newspaper Headlines
I’d have to agree that “72 Holes Are Not Enough At Women’s Open”, wouldn’t you?
Top 50 Martha Stewart Kitchen Tips
I guess she had a lot of time to ponder this in jail.
11 best commercials featuring Darth Vader
I must confess I had never seen a commercial featuring Darth Vader, so this was informative.
The 7 Most Sexually Suggestive Products That Have Nothing To Do With Sex
I think I’ve been using my Shake Weights wrong.
4 Things to Consider When Creating a Business Logo
Again, this goes in the “X Great Design Ideas That Actually Suck” box. Just take a look at Mashable’s “logo”, and see if you think they have any right to offer advice in this area.
20 Innovative Bicycle Parking Techniques
There’s a “spoke too soon” joke in here somewhere.
15 Things You May Not Know About Sesame Street
The most important thing to know is that you are HERE and the list is THERE
7 Best Free Speech Recognition Software
Beach wrecked ignition childcare? Given the sad state of speech recognition software, I’m pretty sure they used some to assemble this list. It is in fact mostly a list of text to speech software.
10 Ways Your Brain Is Sabotaging You And How To Beat It
The main way my brain is sabotaging me is by making me compulsively list these lists