Archive for 2009

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Google Autocomplete: Sex, Infidelity, Body Parts

[ 4 Comments ]Posted on June 4, 2009 by admin in Technology

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

Google helps us ask the important questions, like…why do men have nipples?

Google’s autocomplete function can provide some interesting insights into human thought and interpersonal relations. Below are just a few examples. Have any odd ones of your own to share? I had no idea that the most pressing “Why Do” question in the world was “Why do men have nipples”. And likewise, I’m surprised that neither gender seems to know if the other likes pubic hair. I’m even more surprised that this the number one suggestion for both. I’ve also always thought kissing was a nice simple thing. But no, it’s rife with suspicions of adultery and safety concerns. And c’mon guys. Why so much harsher than the women?

Iggy Pop’s New Release – Préliminaires

[ Comments Off ]Posted on June 3, 2009 by admin in Music

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

You’ll want to put on Iggy Pop’s new CD Préliminaires almost as much as you’ll want HIM to put on a shirt.


I think it’s finally time
for Iggy to put on a
shirt. How about you?

When you’re Iggy Pop, you have to go to great lengths to surprise people. I mean, after being one of the first to pull your penis out on stage (I think Jim Morrison beat him to “the draw”), being credited with inventing the “stage dive”, and acquiring the moniker “Godfather of Punk”, what’s left? Well, Iggy came up with something. Just enter your Serge Gainsbourg-slash-Leonard Cohen phase at the age of 62 with a release like his new CD Préliminaires. I’ve been an off-and-on fan of Iggy since I was about 16, when his new album The Idiot was on heavy rotation at my house along with with Bowie’s Low. His energy and crazed persona were never what interested me; and half of his music really doesn’t do much for me. But that other half? Holy crap. He just goes places others don’t go, and occasionally brings back something we didn’t know we needed. And I’m reluctantly forced to admit that I’m enjoying what he’s done on this new release. Except that I’d like to strangle him for covering Antônio Carlos Jobim’s “Insensatez”. Jesus Iggy, why? Just why? If you want to pick up a copy, there’s a limited edition package available (6,000 worldwide), as well as a regular CD and a digital download. They also have some amusing video clips of Iggy performing the new material in France on Iggy’s site. I wonder if the now legendary (and hilarious) tour rider is still in use? If you’d like to read more about Préliminaires, BlogCritics has a fairly even-handed review. And can someone tell me how you say “please put on a shirt” in French?

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I Don’t Want Your Money…

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on June 2, 2009 by admin in Editorial & Opinion

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

…but I wouldn’t MIND some of it. More importantly though, I might like your help.

It’s interesting that there’s an Editorial & Opinion section on Dissociated Press; there certainly has never been an editor around here, and the content of the site itself is rife with opinion. The fact is, the site’s creator and only contributor wanted a place to engage in uncategorized ranting, and creating this section seemed like a lot more fun than commenting on the Huffington Post. Did you notice the lack of link in those two words? That’s because the Huffington Post sucks. There’s an opinion for you.

The Original Plan
I originally created Dissociated Press with the intention of building blog-like content for six months, and then slowly evolving the site into more of a magazine-style format, still with daily bite-size content, but also featuring longer, in-depth articles. At the six month point I had intended to redesign the site (it’s currently still running on a sloppily-created front-end for WordPress), and begin aggressively promoting it, as well as optimizing for search engines. The current design is VERY search-engine unfriendly for the standard reasons that WordPress, by default, sucks for SEO. Although I’ve managed to update the site daily since June 11, 2008 and build a following of a few thousand very regular visitors (Thank you by the way! Most of you I only know by your IP address, but I appreciate your interest!), those are hardly the kinds of numbers that make a site profitable, which was almost exactly 50% of my interest in creating a site like this.

If You Want To Make God Laugh…
….as they say, tell him your plans. As luck would have it, at exactly the six-month point arrived, so did a heap of new work, and shortly after, a considerably reduced heap of work. This has been a volatile economy for everyone, but especially self-employed people like myself. It’s one thing to lose a steady job, and another thing altogether to secure or lose several at a time, which is what can happen when the employers are jumpy, anxious clients in troubled economic times. The net result of all of this is that I find myself at the one-year point in a bit of a quandary, the point that Seth Godin would call The Dip. Is it time to push ahead, or quit while the quitting’s good? For me, the answer is simple. I don’t give up. I just don’t. But I could use some help.

I Don’t Want Your Money….
Although I’ve decided I need help to make the site profitable, there’s not a great business model here for seeking investors. The simple way to guarantee revenue from a site like this is to generate enough traffic and place enough ads that when all is said and done, you’ve simply replicated an annoying site like the Huffington Post, with 75% of the screen real estate devoted to ads, excruciating page load times, and content that ultimately feels like you’re watching the bleeding-heart liberal version of Fox News.

….But I Wouldn’t Mind Some Of It
That all being said, I don’t mind donations, especially birthday fund donations. Your money will be well-spent on either hosting or the main fuel required to run the site, a carefully balanced diet of chocolate, coffee, and actual food. In lean times, the site seems to run just fine on coffee alone. So consider a donation:


So What Do I Really Want?
I want help. If you’re a writer or business-minded person who enjoys the web and social networking, lets talk. I’d be especially happy to hook up with someone who likes to write about film & television or politics, or someone who would like to develop the business and marketing side of things so I could focus more on design and content. Or someone who can work on design and share the content load so I could exclusively focus on marketing and revenue generation. So let me reiterate in bulleted form what I’m looking for:

Are You….

  • A writer who’d like to write about movies or politics?
  • A business person who’d like to help develop a web site?
  • A WordPress specialist who’d like to collaborate?
  • An kind, attractive, female lawyer who wants to have kids and a work at home househusband?

Drop a line if you have some interest.

June Holidays – Have A Long Hard Gay Father’s Day

[ Comments Off ]Posted on June 2, 2009 by admin in Holidays

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

Got Milf? It’s also Dairy Month, but the industry’s low on cheese, and Dissociated Press turns one year old. Maybe it’ll learn to walk on its own soon.

As always, we’ll be back throughout the month to touch on specific holidays in more detail, but here’s a quick June roundup. First up, June apparently is Dairy Month. You’d think the dairy industry would be milking this for all it’s worth, since they’re a little short on cheese at the moment, but as of this writing I could only find this “coming soon” page. I guess they had to lay off the web guy. For the record, if you’re looking for “got milk” images to parody, be careful not to enter “got milf”. Also in June, we of course have Father’s Day, that day when moms cook for dad, and the kids respectfully cater to his every need. Oh wait. That’s kind of like a regular day, isn’t it? How the hell did that warrant a holiday? For a little change of pace this year, try a Hard Gay Father’s Day. They really do things differently in Japan, don’t they? Whatever you do on Father’s day this year, it’s going to be a long one. Long day that is. The longest, in fact, because it’s also the Summer Solstice, which in this part of the country means it’s only two months until the first snow and four hours of dull gray daylight every day. Enjoy the Summer while you can! On a slightly more serious note, you’d think Juneteenth would be getting a little more attention this year, given the election of the nation’s first black president. All I could find was this generic listing of events at juneteenth.com. Perhaps most importantly this month though, Dissociated Press will be one year old on June 11. If you love me, consider donating to the Dissociated Press Birthday Fund. Oh, and one last thing. Can anybody tell me why they call them June Bugs if they always seem to come and go in May?

If You’re So Rich, Why Aren’t You Smart?

[ 5 Comments ]Posted on June 1, 2009 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Monday, June 1st, 2009

Science finally explains why chimpanzees are rarely millionaires.

I’m often accused of being intelligent, but trust me, nothing could be further from the truth. I’m clever and persistent, but frankly, so are raccoons. However I am smart enough, for instance, to not waste a lot of time taking Facebook quizzes that tell me what Jesus thinks of me, or whether or not I’m a potato. First of all, I’m just not that narcissistic; secondly, I KNOW I’m not a potato; and perhaps most importantly: don’t you people realize that the NSA scrapes Facebook data daily to build your citizen profile?!? But back to the original question. This week’s Monday morning time-waster is devoted to intelligence testing and wealth, rather than dumb Flash games. Because until I manage to monetize the process of finding all those silly little games to make you late for work on Monday, you’ll just have to go find your own. So. How smart are you? Well, apparently, not as smart as a chimp. But don’t worry. In spite of books that suggest the opposite, science claims that you don’t have to be smart to be rich. Phew. There’s hope for me. Or is there? I scored fairly high on this Mensa-based test (24 out of 30), but to be perfectly honest, it was patience. Try it. It really doesn’t take that much intelligence, just sheer patience and dedication to an ultimately pointless task. Why the hell they call it the “Mensa Fun Test” is beyond me; they should call it something like the “I Just KNOW I Could Answer These Questions If Only I Had An Attention Span Test“. I’ve always been more intrigued with things like Howard Gardner’s theory of Multiple Intelligences, so I found this test of multiple intelligences much more interesting. It also helped that it didn’t give me a brain-splitting headache and take thirty minutes of my life away. So what kind of intelligent are you? I’ve posted my results here; please take note of the disparity between my interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence. It’s very telling. In fact, my main goal in life is to find a woman with financial intelligence (here’s a quiz), who likes to party and can tell me who I am.

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