Science finally explains why chimpanzees are rarely millionaires.
I’m often accused of being intelligent, but trust me, nothing could be further from the truth. I’m clever and persistent, but frankly, so are raccoons. However I am smart enough, for instance, to not waste a lot of time taking Facebook quizzes that tell me what Jesus thinks of me, or whether or not I’m a potato. First of all, I’m just not that narcissistic; secondly, I KNOW I’m not a potato; and perhaps most importantly: don’t you people realize that the NSA scrapes Facebook data daily to build your citizen profile?!? But back to the original question. This week’s Monday morning time-waster is devoted to intelligence testing and wealth, rather than dumb Flash games. Because until I manage to monetize the process of finding all those silly little games to make you late for work on Monday, you’ll just have to go find your own. So. How smart are you? Well, apparently, not as smart as a chimp. But don’t worry. In spite of books that suggest the opposite, science claims that you don’t have to be smart to be rich. Phew. There’s hope for me. Or is there? I scored fairly high on this Mensa-based test (24 out of 30), but to be perfectly honest, it was patience. Try it. It really doesn’t take that much intelligence, just sheer patience and dedication to an ultimately pointless task. Why the hell they call it the “Mensa Fun Test” is beyond me; they should call it something like the “I Just KNOW I Could Answer These Questions If Only I Had An Attention Span Test“. I’ve always been more intrigued with things like Howard Gardner’s theory of Multiple Intelligences, so I found this test of multiple intelligences much more interesting. It also helped that it didn’t give me a brain-splitting headache and take thirty minutes of my life away. So what kind of intelligent are you? I’ve posted my results here; please take note of the disparity between my interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence. It’s very telling. In fact, my main goal in life is to find a woman with financial intelligence (here’s a quiz), who likes to party and can tell me who I am.