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Only An Ignoranus Would Believe In Reintarnation

Topics: Lifestyle & Culture | Add A CommentBy admin | January 25, 2009

When I recently wrote about media that appears to be unaware of its own irony, I was convinced that there must be a word for that concept, maybe in German or French. I couldn’t find one, so in my lame attempt at making up my own, I came up with “ignoronic”. Which reminded me of [...]

When I recently wrote about media that appears to be unaware of its own irony, I was convinced that there must be a word for that concept, maybe in German or French. I couldn’t find one, so in my lame attempt at making up my own, I came up with “ignoronic”. Which reminded me of DailyCandy’s Lexicon, made-up words that were shared for free on their site between 2002-2006. Well, ignoronics strikes again. Daily Candy has released a book you don’t need about words that don’t exist. To further the irony, I want a copy of Words That Don’t Exist But Should, but I don’t want to buy it. Complete the circle by buying a copy for me, and as a bonus I’ll get a percentage of the sale from that Amazon link. I guess this made-up word stuff is a popular pastime; the Washington Post has a feature called Style Invitational in which it invites readers to do just that. This guy’s blog does a better job of rounding up the winners than the Post itself does. Some personal favorites: Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it; Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period; and Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. More favorites from Daily Candy and elsewhere below, feel free to share your own —>

Carperpetuation: The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

Disconfect: To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.

Lactomangulation: Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.

Dejafood: Leftovers

Peppier: The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

Phonesia: The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

Floordrobe: Where people keep their clothes when they can’t be bothered to put them away.

Telecrastination: The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

Cyberchondriac: A person who reads symptoms of illnesses on internet health sites and then begins to believe they’re sick.

Friendvy: Envy over how many friends someone has on social networking sites.

Aquadextrous: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an arsehole.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

Mousewife: Male Housewife

Crappuccino: A poorly made coffee beverage that cost upwards of four dollars.

Smellibacy: A state of involuntary celibacy brought on by bad hygiene. (Jake has only himself to blame. His three-year dry spell is a clear case of smellibacy.)

Boreplay: the worst kind of foreplay, which rarely, if ever, leads to intercourse.

Locationship: a relationship based solely on proximity, such as with your neighbour.

Textual harassment: a proposition via text message; received, generally speaking, quite late in the evening. Similar to a textual advance, only far more annoying.

E-mauling: Stalking someone via e-mail.

Guyatus: A hiatus from guys. (Thanks, but no thanks. I’m kind of on guyatus.)

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