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Teeth – The Movie

Topics: Popular Media | 5 CommentsBy admin | December 2, 2008

The Vagina Dentata Club Is Members Only…

Giving “noodles al-dente”
an entirely new meaning.

After seeing writer/director Mitchell Lichtenstein’s Teeth, I’m convinced that director David Cronenberg can peacefully retire, resting comfortably with the knowledge that someone has picked up the torch he dropped a while back. I make the comparison only because in Teeth, Lichtenstein masterfully does something Cronenberg honed to a science: take an implausible premise, and present it so implausibly that the viewer is forced into suspending disbelief against their wishes, almost in the manner of a stage play. In this case, the implausible premise is a virtuous and virginal high school girl who manifests the mythological phenomena Vagina Dentata. Teeth is brilliant because it so artfully misses every mark, and creates its own along the way. It’s a graphic horror film. It’s a coming of age story. It’s a comedy. It’s a cautionary tale about respecting your sexuality. If the film weren’t crafted with such clear intentions to be what it is, it would be one of the worst films ever made. And that’s part of the beauty of what this film does; it feels like it’s somehow self-aware that at any moment it might become incredibly bad, and thereby somehow ends up being quite good. If you hate Cronenberg, you might not care for this film. It’s also briefly rather graphic at points, so if you’re not into seeing the occasional “John Bobbit“, steer clear as well. But if you enjoyed, for instance, the stylish over-the-top-ness of Crash (no, the one based on J.G. Ballard’s novel, not this one) then give it a go. It’s worth it, if only to see the gynecologist screaming “Vagina Dentata! Vagina Dentataha-ha-haaghh!” View the trailer on YouTube or in HD at Apple.

Read Comments

  1. Posted by Terry on 12.02.08 4:03 am

    Great review! I still haven’t seen this but let’s be clear…
    Cronenberg is still at the top of his game if not still one of the best directors making films…

  2. Posted by Beatrix on 12.02.08 10:20 pm

    Ian this reminds me of one of our first dates somehow. :) No not what that sounds like HAHA! Remember? We saw Liquid Sky, and it had that “I kill with my c*nt” theme running through it. I’m w/Terry BTW – Cronenbergs still great. HELLO! End of Violence ring any bells? BTW also think this photoshop contest from today is pretty relevant too http://www.worth1000.com/contest.asp?contest_id=22189&display=photoshop&page=5000#entries

  3. Posted by admin on 12.02.08 11:56 pm

    Okay, okay guys (or guy and gal, rather)…I stand corrected. As a result of my persistent vegetative state (not to mention – although I guess I am – the lack of fact-checking and editors around here) I COMPLETELY SPACED on the fact that Cronenberg did End of Violence AND Spider as well. And Beatrix – does your girlfriend know that I exist? Do you really even HAVE a girlfriend? ;)

  4. Posted by » If You Liked Boxing Helena, You’ll Love Hisss - Dissociated Press on 09.29.09 6:24 pm

    [...] awful. I sometimes wonder though if Boxing Helena wasn’t just ahead of its time; the movie Teeth managed to walk that same line with blackly humorous results in 2007. Hisss was originally titled [...]

  5. Posted by » Fetal Distraction: Splice The Movie - Dissociated Press on 05.27.10 10:09 pm

    [...] different from Rotten Tomatoes’ list based on the same idea), but recent examples would be Teeth or Hissss. The recent Repo Men should have made it into this realm, but failed, for reasons that I [...]