I like to dream that some day we’ll have green and yellow and orange states. The mind-numbing simplicity of our blue and red ones is killing me. Am I a flag-burning weepy artist type who wants to hug a tree while I tax the hell out of myself so I can have decent health care and feed the lazy, or am I a wealthy, heroic, bomb-dropping entrepeneur whose family is proud they haven’t paid a penny in taxes since 1930? Am I a cool jock type who plays football and gets the chicks even though I treat them like crap, or am I a nerdy, philosophizing art-school dropout who’s single ’cause I still feel badly about that last girl? Am I popular, pretty, and stupid? Or am I an outcast, a little different-looking, and snobbishly intellectual? Am I red, or am I blue?

Well, frankly…neither. I’d probably live in the brown state (some muddle of all the basic color options), where we found a balance between having enough for ourselves because we were motivated, and taking care of others because we were actually kind in nature. Where inventiveness and a “maverick” spirit led to anti-gravity cars and an actually healthy way of living, rather than an obsession with archaic combustion engine technologies, holes in the ground spewing black oil, and a lifestyle of gluttony and excess that inspires bizarre medical practices like liposuction.

Or the spectrum state (rainbows were co-opted by special interests a long time ago), where people of different beliefs and lifestyles respected a simple common value: respect others’ beliefs, and when you disagree, discuss things reasonably.

Oh, wait. We used to call that America.