Lifestyle & Culture
« Older Entries | Newer Entries »“That Wild Spontaneous Sex We Had The Other Night?”
[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 24, 2008 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture
Friday, October 24th, 2008Our love was tainted…
“Well, I’m sorry to say we shared the gift that keeps on giving”. Personally, I’m eternally grateful that in spite of being an incredible slut over the years (c’mon, I’m a product of the 80′s, we were all a little wreckless) I tested negative across the board for STD’s after the last time I had sex. Which, for the record, was about 7 billion years ago at last count. Anyway, having experienced the anxiety around this topic, I really wonder about the effectiveness of a site like inspot.org, which lets you send an e-card (or an EEE-YU!card) to people you’ve recently had sex with should you discover you had an STD at the time. While I applaud (notice I didn’t say “clap”) the idea behind it, I just can’t imagine a person sitting in a dumbfounded state after discovering they have syphilis or something, saying to themselves “I should really let that one-night-stand know about this”. The site has suggestions for how to tell someone, like: “Try role-playing with a trusted friend…”. Right. You’re gonna tell your friends about your secret place, and everything that’s going on there. Or: “Remain calm. If you’re upset, a partner might think it’s worse than it is.” Like anything could be worse than saying “You know that night we spent together, when you didn’t even have an orgasm? Well now you’ve got the clap too!” Seriously, if the concept works, kudos to them. If nothing else, the site gives you an idea of which towns seem active enough for this to be a concern, so you could either avoid them, or, like me, ponder moving there…
Building A Dummer Hummer
[ 2 Comments ]Posted on October 19, 2008 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture
Sunday, October 19th, 2008Don’t be a Hummerdinger, be a Hummer-dummer-er
Hummer-bashing is so 2002, but still amusing. You may have already seen fuh2.com, where people post pictures of themselves flipping off Hummers. Funny, but typically ineffective sissy treehugger protesting. Why not get a little more hands-on with tagadummer.com, where they provide you with a handy template to print the “D” that will make Hummers “Dummer”. But don’t get too hands on, it can be a felony. It’s also kind of fun to peruse flamed-out discussion threads with posts like “What would Jesus Drive?. A HUMMER. This one will take you across the desert, never getting stuck, would hold many Disciples and get you anywhere you need to be when God calls” . Nice argument, Cletus. Anti Hummer images run the gamut from the morbid 12 miles per gallon, 2 soldiers per day to the humorously Freudian now everyone will know. Personally, I’d recommend getting one right now, while petrol prices are down. There seem to be a lot sitting on the lots.
More Gauging Your Condominimum
[ 5 Comments ]Posted on October 15, 2008 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture
Wednesday, October 15th, 2008Only available in metric. A plus for American men, who will be astounded by the new numbers.
Actually, I’ve never written specifically about gauging condom minimums here before, but I was desperate for a headline, as evident in that god-awful pun. So moving on…it seems that in the eternal debate regarding whether or not size matters, we have a new, um, tool to help us out. Condometric coincidentally adds difficulty to answering the familiar question “is that a ruler in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” But what exactly is this obsession with penis size all about, anyway? Well, according to this article on About.com, it’s more an obsession for men. For women it’s just a practical concern, or an implement of power (e.g.: “My, what a big/small etc.”). Or as a lesbian friend of mine pointed out in a phone conversation a few minutes ago, “there are plenty of people who really aren’t too concerned about the topic at all“. I agree. So to wrap things up: in spite of the success of innovations like tobacco-flavored and glow in the dark condoms, sales of spray-on condoms remain flaccid.
Dancing With My Seh-helf
[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 10, 2008 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture
Friday, October 10th, 2008Or should that be dancing Wii-ith My Seh-helf
 The best of all worlds: Taking a self-portrait while dancing alone |
No, it’s not a Billy Idol revival (although my grandma LOVES his Christmas CD), it’s the latest thing in socializing: NOT SOCIALIZING. Also referred to as the silent disco. For a generation accustomed to the idea that someone’s Photoshopped digital camera self-portrait on your personal web page is a friend, what could be more rewarding than not dancing together? What I can’t quite grasp about silent discos and silent raves though, is why you have to go to the club at all. Isn’t there some way you could do this with your Wii? Oh. Of course. Here we have the Dance Dance Revolution Hottest Party Bundle
Crisitunity: Making The Best Of Impending Global Economic Collapse
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on October 7, 2008 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture
Tuesday, October 7th, 2008***
 This man is not “laughing all the way to the bank”. He’s actually on his way to buy a loaf of bread. |
Since the world’s about to end, I started looking around the Internet for what to do about it. I didn’t find much, so I decided to start a list of my own. If you have any ideas to share, feel free to add a comment. Here’s a start: 1.) Pray. It’s just one of those things poor people do, okay? 2.) Re-acquire a taste for your favorite Ramen recipe from college. 3.) Buy a wheelbarrow. In about a year you’ll need it to carry cash for grocery trips. 4.) Think Big. Start conceptualizing the New New Deal, and move to D.C. while prices are low. 5.) Learn Spanish. It’ll make migrant work much more rewarding. 6.) Learn Chinese. It’s always easier having your country repossessed if you speak the new language. 7.) Get used to your boss yelling things like “Get back down in that mine, filthy coal monkey!” 8.) Walk the 50 miles (the distance USED to make sense, dammit) to the retirement home and ask your grandparents what the hell THEY did when there was no cable. [Originally posted September 21, 2008]