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Can YOU Solve the Mystery of “Who Is Ted Is God”?

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on February 11, 2013 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Monday, February 11th, 2013

So you think you’re good at the internet? We challenge you to uncover the truth about Ted Solomon More aka Ted R Kurts aka TED IS GOD.

The other day, I got an anonymous email from someone who had read our piece from 2010 about David Lewis Anderson and the Bizarre Mystery Of Anderson Multinational. They assured me that after months of research, they had confirmed the fellow’s existence, and claimed to in fact know a couple in Arizona who were close friends with him. I’ve received similar emails from concerned anonymous tipsters before, one claiming Anderson now lived in India, one claiming that the sender WAS Anderson, and another claiming that the tipster had verified that the whole thing was an ARG (Alternate Reality Game). And none of them offering any actual evidence to support their proclamations. Personally, I’m still convinced that Anderson is indeed a time traveler who simply leaves a messy trail, and these messages are all actually from him, traveling back in time to try to obfuscate his true nature. But this last tipster shared something else. The sender informed me that for months they had been researching “Ted Is God”, an odd online trail left by some guy presumably named Ted, who may or may not be God. Well, he’s probably not God, but I like to play it safe – I mean, who am I to tell God he’s not God, right? So anyway, I took the bait. The sender shared no links or other details, they just mentioned “the Ted Is God guy”, so off I dove into the rabbit hole. I quickly found a string of domains with similar content that all had copy like this, except in RED BOLD TEXT which I will spare you in the excerpt below: Read the rest of this entry »

Fed Up With The Shape The Economy Is In? Why Not Create Your Own?

[ Comments Off ]Posted on February 8, 2013 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Friday, February 8th, 2013

Part one of a three part series on why we should probably buck the banks and start printing our own money.

The Epson R2000 is probably quite
adequate for the task at hand.

Have you ever wished you could just print your own money when you need some? I mean the US government does it, why can’t you? Well, the simple fact that you can may surprise you. Most of the laws that make printing your own money illegal have to do with printing someone else’s money. If you print off a bunch of US hundred dollar bills, there’s a really good chance you’ll end up in jail. Even if you’re just a brilliant aging artist who’s really just obsessed with doing a good job. But the fact is that as much as the people (and by “people” we mean banksters and politicians) who make it their entire life’s purpose to reap personal benefit from screwing you over a fictitious commodity would prefer that you think otherwise, in most of the states in America, there is nothing stopping you from creating your own fictitious commodity and using it for every day commerce. In fact it’s already happening with varying degrees of success all over the country; there are about 150 currencies on this Wikipedia list of local currencies, from the Berkshire BerkShares to the Detroit Cheers, to the Fairfax Fairbuck. And aside from these physical currencies, there are huge economies evolving right now that are entirely digital, like BitCoin or Ripple, and recently, even Amazon is getting in on the “let’s make our own money” game with Amazon Coins. I personally find it ironic that the people who claim to be the only ones who know how to manage currency and the economy are the ones who have made such a mess of both. All the while somehow managing to maintain their own hordes of cash and liquidity. Okay, actually it’s not ironic at all, we’re just a bunch of ignorant suckers who are taking part in the biggest con in the history of the world. Aren’t you getting tired of it? So let’s take things into our own hands. We couldn’t do any worse than the goons at the Fed, could we? And the time is ripe for a paradigm shift. One of the core problems with global economics right now is that speculative wealth is entirely untethered from the real-world resources that create it. There is a literal monopoly on the production and control of currency and wealth simply because we make it easy for the centralized power of banks to exist, simply by sheepishly playing along with the big Ponzi scheme. So there’s an interesting angle – maybe we could file a class action suit against the federal government and banks for colluding to monopolize the money supply! We jest of course. This is part one of a three part series; we’re just having some fun here, but in parts two and three we’ll look at the history of money, and the realistic obstacles to decentralizing the control of it. For now, I’m going to go make millions of dollars. On my fancy Epson inkjet.

Context here if you don’t get this joke

Dubai, Top To Bottom. Literally.

[ Comments Off ]Posted on January 31, 2013 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Thursday, January 31st, 2013

Dubai was pretty much built entirely on a desire to use superlatives. The tallest this, the biggest that. Now they’re selecting the best photo in the world, and launching the coolest delivery service in the world. Oh, and poop.

Whenever you hear about something going on in Dubai, it’s probably going to be something epic. The place pretty much is only described in superlatives and absolutes. Whether it’s most famous actor in the world Tom Cruise swinging on the world’s tallest skyscraper in Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol, the highest-grossing Mission: Impossible film, or the most audacious engineering projects  ever, or merely the world’s largest shopping mall, or highest restaurant, Dubai has the most mostest of just about anything. Which is probably why, when the most powerful man in Dubai  creates a photography contest offering the largest grand prize in the world, one of the first questions asked was Is This The Greatest Image On Earth? We don’t know the answer to that question, but it sure is the somethingest image on Earth, created from 48 panoramic images, each shot at a resolution of 80 megapixels. The screen grab above doesn’t do it justice at all; if you zoom around its 360 degrees, you will quickly discover a pretty exceptional level of detail like the image below. But don’t take our word for it, just go visit the interactive panorama .

Oh. We promised to get to the bottom of things in Dubai too. Amongst all the “ests” you can reference in Dubai, one of the amusingest delivery services is being launched there, the Durex emergency condom delivery service. Please note that that site also has the annoyingest bass audio ever used on a website. And going a little lower, Dubai probably also has the biggest collection of sewage trucks, which line up regularly (video also below) trying to figure out where to dump the byproducts of the world’s most concentratedest collection of toilets. Read the rest of this entry »

Advanced Office Pranking Techniques

[ Comments Off ]Posted on January 28, 2013 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Monday, January 28th, 2013

Plastering cubicles with Post-Its is soooo 2004. And with today’s skittish economy, office life should be more about destroying your potential enemies than having a laugh with your cubemates.

This one requires tremendous dedication,
much like the last image below

Remember back in Ye Olden Days of the Before Time, the days of the Dot-com Bubble,  when you and all your friends had jobs that paid $80k+ a year, and “work” on Monday consisted primarily of calling your friends on the phone while browsing and reclaiming your childhood by buying mint-in-box copies of your favorite toys on eBay? Yeah, me neither. While all those hosers were busy frittering away the capital from the biggest economic boom in history, I was working my butt off starting a business. And as a result, I rarely work on Mondays, because I’ve usually worked ALL WEEKEND. Which is why, as recently as 2009, I still took delight in derailing the MF95 crowd’s week with our Monday Demotivators. Well, the other day, it occurred to me that this was not enough, so I figured it was time to revive The Office Prank. We’re omitting the more obvious “cubicle remodeling” jokes; once you’ve seen one cube covered in Post-Its, foil, or wrapping paper, you’ve seen them all. Instead, we’re focusing more on gaslighting methods. We’ve outlined them below. Just don’t get carried away like the dentist who thought that replacing his employee’s teeth with boar tusks would be good for a hoot. Things might get ugly . Read the rest of this entry »

10 Funniest & Most Informative Amazon Reviews

[ Comments Off ]Posted on January 23, 2013 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013

Why I gave up Wikiphilia for my new web pastime, “Rabbit Wholing”. How ELSE would I learn that folks that buy banana bunkers also buy 55 gallon drums of body lube?

Priced at $2,750, it’s not surprising that
no-one has reviewed the Jurassic-Sized
Parasaurolopus Patio Statue yet.
Why not be the first?

Remember when Wikipedia was new, how we’d start out reading about the history of head-driven phrase structure grammar, and before you know it, two hours had passed and we’d find ourself reading the bio of Greg Evigan, star of BJ & the Bear? Well, now that we’ve absorbed the entire sum of human knowledge, the guilty pleasure of Wikiphilia just isn’t as guilt or pleasure inducing as it used to be, is it. That’s how I stumbled upon my new favorite pastime, “Rabbit Wholing”, which involves browsing only the customer reviews and “Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed” items on Amazon. The name comes from one of the more popular items on the many “funniest Amazon review” lists you’ll find on the web, the Fresh Whole Rabbit. Intentionally plunging down the rabbit hole of Amazon’s recommended products may seem like an exercise in futility, but how else would I learn that people who bought the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer and the Compact Impact Banana Bunker also bought the 55 Gallon Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant? Not with a Consumer Reports subscription or by wasting hours and hours on Wikipedia, that’s for sure! Below are my picks for most amusing and informative customer reviews. Screenshots are provided in case the product gets discontinued or the review gets censored. Read the rest of this entry »

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