Holidays
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[ Comments Off ]Posted on October 8, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Friday, October 8th, 2010We’ve asked all the right questions and answered them for you just in time for Columbus Day. Including Eddie Izzard’s “Do you have a flag?”
 This painting always makes me think of Eddie Izzard’s Do You Have A Flag routine. |
Thanks to the three-day weekend many people will enjoy because of the fact that Monday is Columbus Day, this topic is bound to come up in conversation, so we thought we’d help you out. First, don’t bother Googling it. You’ll get several pages of rambling articles and opinions. This is one of those times that WolframAlpha came in handy. See for yourself (image below). Yup. Asians walked across Beringia way before any Europeans made the trip by boat. How simple was that? So, now that we know that the first humans arrived in North America around 14,000 years ago, we can move on to other interesting questions, like “well, who was second then?” and “why the heck do they call it America, anyway?” and “so why do we keep celebrating Columbus Day, now that the facts are in?” In order, the answers are the Vikings, no-one is sure but we assume it’s because of Amerigo Vespucci, and that last question? Probably because it would take congress years to pass the legislation to abolish Columbus Day even if public sentiment were strong enough. Which it doesn’t appear to be, at least according to this 2009 Rasmussen poll. Personally, I think a poll like that may be skewed by people not wanting to lose a three day weekend, and that we should at least celebrate something different, like “Jesus Christ When Did They Start Advertising Christmas BEFORE Halloween?” day. And although I lightheartedly shared some of my thoughts on this topic last year, I really do believe we should do away with the tradition, partly for simple historical accuracy, but more importantly because 1/8 of me is descended from the people that ended up being called “Indians” and were then nearly annihilated by those who followed in Columbus’ brutal footsteps. If you’re also of a mind that we could do away with Columbus Day, I don’t know what to tell you. The most organized group addressing the topic – Reconsider Columbus Day – didn’t update their site this year. Let us know if you know of anything besides this petition. Last year’s video below. Read the rest of this entry »
15 Most Offensive Halloween Costumes For 2010
[ 1 Comment ]Posted on October 2, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Saturday, October 2nd, 2010Stuck for a costume idea this year? Let Amazon help with a bunch of tasteless costumes mostly based on sexual organs. Maybe do a “His & Hers” thing. But if you’re already a dickhead, this list won’t help much.
  Admittedly, in some parts of America this one wouldn’t be offensive, it would be a typical way to spend Saturday night. |
I like to think of Halloween as a fairly light-hearted affair; a time to either just get silly, or for the more repressed amongst us, to live out our secret selves. The latter probably being a good explanation for why so many supposedly straight men seem to get so enthused about dressing up in drag. My tradition tends to be to think up all sorts of great costumes well ahead of time, forget to create them, and then improvise at the last minute. One year this resulted in my putting on a black turtleneck, black pants, and attaching socks and underwear all over to go as “Static Cling”. If you’re ever in a last minute jam, remember – you can always grab some ping pong balls, shave your head, and go as Homer Simpson. But unfortunately, in these tense, post-politically correct times, some people have to take everything seriously. Last year’s controversy about this offensive “illegal alien” costume
Fun Things To Do That Don’t Involve Burning The Koran
[ Comments Off ]Posted on September 10, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Friday, September 10th, 2010In much the same way that not everyone wants to celebrate the birth of Baby Jesus on December 25th, not everyone wants to burn the Koran on September 11th. Here are some fun alternatives.
 Keep the terror alive with NY Defender |
We’re all probably pretty tired of hearing about how radical terrorist Christians in Florida are celebrating September 11, so we thought you might be interested in some alternatives. If you still want to do things “Florida Style”, and ensure that the day is remembered traumatically for at least another generation, all you need is a locked-down grade school full of children and some explosives. Then you can blow up a pony. Because you know, if you don’t, then the ponies have already won. Another way to keep the terror alive – but while feeling gratified that you’ve protected the homeland – is with NY Defender – the Flash game that was widely banned back in 2001 – in which you blow up airliners before they can create a place called ground zero that people can argue about building a mosque on nine years later. Some other interesting alternatives that were suggested by Reddit users include burning a copy of the Patriot Act or burning a newspaper to protest how the media created this whole debacle in the first place with their ratings-driven irresponsibility. One Reddit user couldn’t wait and already burned the Quran on September 10th. Or maybe you could ponder the ironic callousness of the fact that they’re moving the inspiring 9/11 memorial gift from our former enemies to make room for some cargo containers. Or as crazy as it sounds, maybe this would be a good time to learn about who started the last holy wars, or look at a fairly objective comparison of two of the worlds biggest religions and tell me where either one says “kill all the people that don’t believe what we believe”. Because Jesus H Chrysler, face it. You probably don’t know Jack about Muhammad. Read the rest of this entry »
CNN Acquires Dissociated Press
[ Comments Off ]Posted on April 1, 2010 by admin in Holidays
Thursday, April 1st, 2010In an attempt to reclaim their title as leaders of “the liberal media”, CNN purchases entire blogosphere.
In a surprise move today, Dissociated Press was acquired by the global news outlet CNN. Realizing that their only hope for competing with what one CNN executive referred to as The Glenn Beck Channel, the withering news network made the decision to buy outright the estimated million or so micromarket ranting liberal and libertarian blogs. The decision was made somewhat hastily after market research indicated that CNN had lost nearly 80% of its audience to NPR and weepy liberal superblogs like DailyKos and Huffington Post. By absorbing the entire blogosphere, CNN hopes to reclaim the “liberal media” moniker as their own. How Dissociated Press ended up as one of the victims of this maelstrom of quiet takeovers is beyond us, but we’re happy to get the $250.00 check; that’s more than we made the entire first quarter of this year in Google Ads revenue! No word yet on whether we still have jobs, and if we do whether we can still swear like sailors in headlines or not, but we look forward to marching orders from our new media overlords. Plus, Robin Meade is hot. Read the rest of this entry »
Earth Hour: Switch Off The Lights For A Brighter Future
[ Comments Off ]Posted on March 27, 2010 by admin in Clean & Green, Holidays
Saturday, March 27th, 2010If you’re still in the dark about Earth Hour, just stay that way ’til 9:30 tonight and you’re covered.
Now here’s a holiday that shouldn’t stress you out. It requires little or no preparation, and only takes an hour of your life. All you have to do to celebrate Earth Hour and make a stand against climate change is turn off your lights for one hour starting at 8:30pm tonight (your local time). Earth Hour began in 2007 in New Zealand as a project created by the World Wildlife Federation. That year, 2.2 million people and 2,100 businesses participated, and the event has grown steadily since then; in 2008, an estimated 50 million participated worldwide, in 2009, hundreds of millions took part, and if things keep growing at the same rate, there may be more than a billion people taking part this year. Support is also being shown in a big way by governments and businesses around the globe, by turning out the lights on major landmarks including the Empire State Building in New York, the Forbidden City in Beijing, the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the pyramids near Cairo, and the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin. So while it may not be as much fun as Global Orgasm Day, why not turn off your lights for an hour tonight to show your support. In the right circumstances, you might get the same results.