The other day, I got an anonymous email from someone who had read our piece from 2010 about David Lewis Anderson and the Bizarre Mystery Of Anderson Multinational. They assured me that after months of research, they had confirmed the fellow’s existence, and claimed to in fact know a couple in Arizona who were close friends with him. I’ve received similar emails from concerned anonymous tipsters before, one claiming Anderson now lived in India, one claiming that the sender WAS Anderson, and another claiming that the tipster had verified that the whole thing was an ARG (Alternate Reality Game). And none of them offering any actual evidence to support their proclamations. Personally, I’m still convinced that Anderson is indeed a time traveler who simply leaves a messy trail, and these messages are all actually from him, traveling back in time to try to obfuscate his true nature. But this last tipster shared something else. The sender informed me that for months they had been researching “Ted Is God”, an odd online trail left by some guy presumably named Ted, who may or may not be God. Well, he’s probably not God, but I like to play it safe – I mean, who am I to tell God he’s not God, right? So anyway, I took the bait. The sender shared no links or other details, they just mentioned “the Ted Is God guy”, so off I dove into the rabbit hole. I quickly found a string of domains with similar content that all had copy like this, except in RED BOLD TEXT which I will spare you in the excerpt below:

THIS HAPPENED TO BE October 3rd Was Ted’s BIRTHDAY BORN and RAISED and OTHER THINGS IN CALIFORNIA, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! Ted WAS BORN October 03 of 1959 and this in French Camp NEAR Stockton, California, USA! Ted WAS 37 Years Old WHEN HAVING AN INTENSE LOUD SPIRITUAL CLEAR 40 Days and 40 Nights In and On a Sailing Yacht When Ted Was Living In and On and Aboard of MUCH LOUD SPIRITUAL FROM COVERING ARCH ANGEL then of MICHAEL! Then Many Royal and this Angels From Heaven and Ted’s About 100 People Spiritual Females Living Things FROM Ted’s IMPRESSIVE PALACE! Then Other Things of Spiritual Things of Males and Females and even to then In and On and Around Heaven then Physical People and Humans INCLUDING THEN David and Solomon! Too then Original Cherub Angels of Light to Angels Of Light! Then MUCH WITH ROYAL PRINCE ANGEL of then RAPHEAL! Then Other Royal Angels. Then ROYAL PRINCE ANGEL OF GABRIEL!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ted! From Highest of Zosts Royal Parliament and Others of Zosts Royal Parliaments and to Of Zosts Specific Of!

The slightly disturbing thing – as I discovered when I continued to dig around and found Ted’s YouTube channel – is that Ted’s writing style fairly accurately reflects his speaking style. This is the first of Ted’s videos on his latest YouTube account:

All in all, I found around ten active domains that Ted has registered. Aside from the YouTube channel, there were several that had “™THE QUESTS IN BUSINESS.COM™” in bold red letters at the top, even if that wasn’t the actual domain you were on. And aside from more of the, um, interesting sort of stuff quoted above, some sites talked more about Ted being God, while others talked about his upcoming movie, while yet another – thingstodownload.com – talked about, well, things to download. But one thing that seemed to remain consistent is that Ted generally refers to Ted in the second person, as if he thinks he’s Bob Dole or something. Which he clearly doesn’t; from all accounts, he doesn’t think he’s Bob Dole, he thinks he’s GOD. Or does he? Well, according to “Alleee and Franc” of Insolitology.com he does. They appear to have done some due diligence, even digging up old Ted Is God content from Archive.org to back up their various assertions. Nice try, “Alleee and Franc”. This is clearly Ted trying to throw us off the trail.

So after wasting an hour of my life Googling and doing reverse WHOIS lookups, I can’t tell if old Ted is just another Internet Crank like Art Bell, or a bonafide genius like the Time Cube guy Gene Ray or time traveler John Titor. Or if he’s a crazed internet marketer, a viral campaign for a down on his luck moviemaker, or in fact a messenger from God after all.

Up For The Challenge?

Feel free to help me out here. Here’s the evidence so far. Can you piece it together?

First of all, Ted wants you to know he is NOT GAY. That page is rich with photos and information. I’m sure an internet sleuth like you can figure it all out from there.

Ted’s no noob; not only does he have a YouTube channel and a MySpace page, the dude has been around since GEOCITIES existed!

Aside from those links and an Encyclopedia Dramatica entry, all I have for you is a handful of domains and some registrant info. Frankly, I didn’t even know “GENERAL DELIVERY” actually worked as a mail address:

Domain Registrants

The Trusts of Ted
GENERAL DELIVERY
San Diego, CA 92101
Phone: (619) 400-3709

Ralph Kurts, Ted
GENERAL DELIVERY
San Diego, CA 92138
Phone: (619) 400-3709

The Domains

TedIsGod.org

This one seems to have the greatest breadth, with a detailed table of contents.

TedIsAComingOfGodToEarth.org

ManyConquests.com

QuestForStandardOpenSecuresoft.com

TheQuestsInBusiness.com

These all seem to be the same, and mostly seem to be plugging a movie called “HomeLess!™ – Movie”, slated for release March 1, 2013, but they all also proclaim “This is Fertilizing and Incubating and Starting Up and to Raising and Growing and Increasing Things Of Business! ”

QuestEclipseIt.com

While this also references the “Quests In Business” theme, it additionally offers a “Business Overview” which clearly states “Different of THE QUESTS IN BUSINESS. This is About Ideas and Idea Development and Testing and Designing and Prototyping Products and or Services In Business. Then If Top Try then Fertilizing and Incubating and Developing and Starting Up to then Spinning Off From Here is Plan.”

ThingsToDownload.com

This one focuses on, er… things to download, of course.

QuestSystemsLinux.com redirects to QuestForStandardOpenSecuresoft.com

TedRKurts.com redirects to TedJesusChristGod.org, which is “Under Construction”

Oh, and a real live “TED TALK”, before he adopted the full-blown Grizzly Adams look: