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Fear of a Black Pope, Hamster Drag Racing, and Flying Cats

Topics: Missing Links | 5 CommentsBy admin | February 12, 2013

What do helicopter crashes, dead cats, hamster housekeepers, and the “Scumbag Pope” meme have in common? They’re all part of this week’s roundup of links we don’t think are worth sharing but do anyway.

I’m not the sort of person who likes to make jokes about other people’s religions. That’s why all the Pope jokes I’ve rounded up below were created by OTHER people. Except the “Poprah” gag, which was my solution to one of two potential impending crises. If you’re a fan of wingnut prophecies and were disappointed by all the recent end of the world failures, don’t fret. The world is ending again! Already, the lunatic fringe has latched onto a prophecy  that says that if the next Pope is black, and is named Peter – and there’s a good chance he will be both  – that this is one of the signs of the end of the world. But never mind that. If you live in America, you’d have to have your head in some pretty deep sand to not realize that having a black president – while it is never, ever voiced directly – makes a lot of folks edgy. Imagine what having a black POPE would do to this crowd. But everybody loves Oprah, right? VOILA! POPRAH! More papal humor below, along with this week’s selection of YouTubity and GIF’s, as well as some thoughts on the usefulness of hamsters.

Best of the “Scumbag Pope” Meme

Our Solution to the “Fear of a Black Pope” Problem

And for those who are worried about this all, Captain Hindsight has a few words for you:

So, What Good Are Hamsters, Anyway?

You know how you can’t “unsee” things you’ve seen on the internet? Well recently, the combination of the video below and the fact that I learned the term panty hamster (link NSFW-ish) have left me with hamsters on the brain. So I got to wondering – other than being cute (or disturbing, as in the video below) – WHAT GOOD IS A HAMSTER, ANYWAY? I mean, they’re a horrible food source, among other things. So I did some research. Turns out they are good for a few things. More after the video.

So first of all, they’re good for drag racing.

No. Really.

Also available in a fairytale version, which begs the question: what would Hamster Cinderella’s horses turn into?

They’re also good for vacuuming, at least in the same way that chimps with typewriters are good for writing War & Peace:

And you can even use them as a power source. Learn how to make a hamster powered night light here.

And if you get carried away with that theme, one of these may come in handy for your Prius.

A Long Cat, Just Not for This World

You may have heard that Stewie, the longest cat in the world died the other day.

Don’t fret, other long cats seem to be thriving. See the whole video here.

And Finally, Your Weekly Schadenfreude

Read Comments

  1. Posted by Michael C Feeney on 02.12.13 9:08 pm

    Ian, you write pretty well, but you reason with some difficulty. Yours is a wholly unsupported assertion that the “lunatic fringe” (whom you haven’t identified) believe that a black Pope would be the sign of the end of the world. It will be a credit to you if you turn out to be more ignorant than wanton. Malachy prophesied that the 112th Pope would be the last and his name would be Peter. Peter Turkson, a black cardinal from Ghana, has a pretty good chance of becoming the next Pope. Thus, if he becomes Pope, some think it will confirm Malachy’s prophesy and fortell the end. Why would you imply that Peter Turkson’s skin color has anything to do with the prophecy? It should be beneath you. Why isn’t it? And why would you go even lower by suggesting (but, of course, not supporting) that old and easy charge that so reliably arouses the righteousness of the unthinking: “a lot of folks” are “edgy” because we have a black president. What a bizarre, small-minded, craven thing to write. It is even more disappointing that had first to think it.

  2. Posted by admin on 02.13.13 12:37 am

    Thanks for your opinion of my ability to reason. I’ll ponder that, as I ponder the fact that you seem to be assessing it on the basis of content I wrote for a weekly “weird things popular on the internet right now” feature.

    And regarding references to a “lunatic fringe”? A quick Google search just now had this as a first page result for the phrase “black pope end of the world”:

    http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message1794523/pg1

    Please note that this website (which uses “lunatic fringe” in its own masthead) and many other conspiracy sites have latched onto the topic with relish.

    Regarding “my” implication that Peter Turkson’s skin color has anything to do with the prophecy, do you bother to click on linked phrases? The Cleveland Leader article linked to makes the reference, as do many other sources, whether they’re lunatics or not.

    And if you are unaware of the pervasive “racial coding” that goes on in many social strata, perhaps you might consider diversifying your social interactions.

    At the end of the day though, if this were an academic website, or even a NEWS site, I’d worry more about “supporting an argument”, but this is an entertainment site and content aggregator, often driven by satire, meta-satire, and parody, all filtered through my often flip manner of expression.

    I’m always surprised when someone deems it worthy of highbrow discussion or serious analysis.

  3. Posted by Michael C Feeney on 02.24.13 11:16 am

    Ahh it’s just entertainment! That changes everything. Had your inference been made under any other pretext it would have been offensive.

    “(I)f you are unaware of the pervasive “racial coding” that goes on in many social strata, perhaps you might consider diversifying your social interactions.”

    I like the term “pervasive ‘racial coding’”. It is at once loaded and deliciously vaccuous. Buddy, I’m a carpenter in Tennessee. The “social strata” you’re impugning is the “social strata” I’m in. If there was “racial coding” going on I woulda heard about it by now.

    “Regarding ‘my’ implication that Peter Turkson’s skin color has anything to do with the prophecy, do you bother to click on linked phrases? The Cleveland Leader article linked to makes the reference, as do many other sources, whether they’re lunatics or not.”

    I read them all. The Cleveland Leader article makes no reference to Cardinal Turkson’s race being a condition of Malachy’s prophesy. Neither do The Daily News or Fun 107 articles. It is you who implies it.

    You draw a wanton inference when you imply that Cardinal Peter Turkson’s race has anything to do with people’s fear about him fullfilling Malachy’s prophesy. “FEAR OF A BLACK POPE”. That’s your headline. You’re implying that people fear him because he’s black, which is hopelessly scurrilous and comprehensively untrue. And the only support you offer for that bit of conjecture is a reliable old slander about “racial coding”.

    Claiming your blog is published in good fun, thus immune from the dictates of serious exposition, doesn’t make your reasoning any less turbid and your lack of evidence any less conspicuous.

  4. Posted by admin on 02.24.13 8:20 pm

    I honestly can’t tell if you’re being serious at this point. But again, thanks for your opinion of my ability to reason, and your thoughts about my character. Maybe with the critique you’ve shared here, I can endeavor to better myself.

    I don’t hold out much hope for the site though; I’m sure people will still think they’re emailing Glenn Beck through it, and will still occasionally inform me that there is in fact no NASCAR track at the Oklahoma City bombing site.

  5. Posted by Patty Jane on 02.24.13 9:55 pm

    This is a weird criticism by Michael Freeney- on one hand Ian is getting his hand slapped for bringing race into it- (as tho no one in America does that!) kind of implying racism on Ian’s part, but then he’s getting his hand slapped for making a reference to the racists of America (hate to break it to you- but they are alive and well and seemingly everywhere especially in the particular Latino area where I now work!) by talking about the lunatic fringe and how upset they will be. Mostly then, he is just guilty of the crime of speaking openly about race and the part it plays in everything in America…doesnt seem offensive to me- just REAL…
    Frankly Michael- you really seem like one of those super guilty white liberals who doesn’t think anyone should say ANYTHING about race- otherwise that in and of itself is racist. I grew up un a somewhat affluent mostly white area that had that culture too, but what I found while working in the inner city of Detroit is that everybody there talks about race all the time and matter of factly- “go give these papers to that tall, white lady (me) over there”…”oh yeah- she’s Mexican, she goes with a Puerto Rican guy though, a real dark Puerto Rican guy…” “…you’re not white Ms. Rice – you’re just light-skinned!” etc., etc.,
    So what I learned is that white people are so scared to death to seem racist that they REFUSE to talk about race at all- ESPECIALLY as a descriptor- that would just be so gauche!! Ha! But it’s a lot more fun being real- you should try it sometime!

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