Researching gang signs on the internet may save your life, but it won’t prevent arthritis.
As I glance at the server reports for Dissociated Press, I occasionally get to see amusing patterns. Last week I noticed we were getting a fair amount of traffic for the phrase “folk gang signs”. Which perplexed me for a moment. It immediately conjured an image of Bob Dylan and Woodie Guthrie throwin’ gang signs or stackin’. But then I remembered there’s a massive coalition of gangs called Folk Nation, and it made a little more sense. Except, then I wondered… who the hell looks on the web for guides to gang signs? I mean, when they let you in the gang, they must show you all the secret hand signs, right? And by the time someone studies them, designs detailed graphics, and puts them on a website, well, if your gang is still using them, they’re not very good secret gang signs, right? So I figure maybe it’s the millions of members of the Scissor Gang Mafia. Which leads to a scary thought: what if all of those people were a real gang? If every stupid guy or girl between 3 and 30 that posed for their Facebook profile with pursed lips and a gangsta sign were part of a real organization, it would dwarf the US Military. So don’t tell them; the results would probably be scarier than the aging white guy angst of the tea party. So kids, keep researching those gang signs, if only to make sure you don’t get shot for accidently using your hands to say “Crips die and I love Justin Bieber”. Who is, by the way, a confirmed SGM member. And remember. Gang signing may not be Cerebral Palsy, but it does cause Arthritis.