Synchronized Chinese Teletubbies!

I made the observation a long time ago while working in restaurants that humans are basically a herding animal. They would all pile in at the same time at the feeding trough, and if you were paying attention, you’d notice that there was always a “cue” table that would pay their check and leave, starting the flood of departures. I was reminded of this recently when someone sent me a link to this video (also below) of Japanese men in business suits performing a bizarre synchronized walking routine. This of course reminded me of Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks, and before I knew it, I had wasted another hour of my life on YouTube. Which is sort of what Dissociated Press is all about, right? Wasting time on the Internet, so you don’t have to. Below we’ve collected a bunch of videos of people doing things at the same time. Sometimes, they’re nice, pretty things like the Thousand-Hand Bodhisattva, but more often, this desire to get together and do things the same way seems to be in preparation for being ready to kill someone, or at least kick their ass in a Rugby match. Enjoy.

Japanese Synchronized Walking
The video that started my hour of YouTubidity. This clip would probably be a lot less effective if they were wearing marching band outfits instead of business suits.

Synchronized Office Swimming
Who doesn’t get the urge to do some synchronized swimming in the cube farm once in awhile? This is strong evidence to support my herding theory. These woman were probably barely getting paid enough to do their job, let alone stick their legs up in the air in unison.

The Ministry of Silly Walks
Some of this behavior may have its roots in the Ministry of Silly Walks.

Monty Python’s Military Fairy
This routine may have inspired the whole “don’t ask, don’t tell” debate.

Wehrmacht Goose-Step Tambourmajors Schule
In spite of the resemblances to the “Military Fairy” routine, don’t be fooled by the all the silly stick-waving these guys are doing. Things got ugly later.

The Chinese Military
Hitler probably got the largest number of people doing a silly walk at the same time. A feat unmatched until the Chinese Army came along. This video points out the disturbing fact that there are more women in the Chinese Army than there are people in the United States.

Also available in pink:

This video seems to be explaining how a young Chinese woman can go out shopping, partying, and generally enjoying the best things capitalism has to offer, and then suit up and goose step in preparation for killing you to stem the evil tide of the capitalist poison that has ruined their country.

North Korea
North Korea likes to get the whole country involved. The Mass Games or “Arirang” allow everyone from gymnasts to skaters to kickboxers to demonstrate their ability to move in unison. Though rumor has it that this level of perfection is achieved by beating and starving those who slip out of synch. The clip below is from the 2004 documentary A State of Mind

This is the “Human Jumbotron” from the North Korean Mass Games mentioned above. Yes. The changing background image is created by humans flipping colored squares.

The North Korean Army likes to get funky sometimes too.

We even like our robots sychronized…

And our motorcycles…

You’ve probably seen the Cebu Provincial Detention Center inmates groove to “Thriller”

Rugby
New Zealand’s “All Blacks” rugby team makes up for their lack of precision and small numbers with pure intensity.

The Thousand-Hand Bodhisattva
speaks for itself. But the dancers aren’t listening. They’re deaf. They’re part of China’s Disabled People’s Performing Art Troupe

Marching Bands
Marching bands do some amazing synchronized moves, but unfortunately no-one seems to be capturing it on video. Unless they’re bombed on beer at the game. After reviewing about a dozen shaky drunken hand-held clips, we gave up. So here’s OK Go performing This Too Shall Pass instead. Although they were probably more impressive in that Here It Goes Again video

Up & Over It get honourable mention for their “Hand Dance”

The Beijing Paralympic Games
get special mention also, for bringing us the synchronized Teletubbies in the image at the top of the article. Teletubbies kick in around 2:40