These days I get most of my kicks from photoshopping my friends’ faces into paint huffer mug shots. Hi Eric!

What’s so bad about reality? I mean, do you find it somehow telling that more than 60% of Americans drink, but only 29% have college degrees? Don’t get me wrong, I started my personal war on drugs (they eventually won) at the age of eleven, with an accidental acid trip, and managed to try just about every drug available in the Western hemisphere over the next few decades. So oddly, the longest stretch of sobriety I can claim myself is just over ten years. I started thinking about how many people are getting high the other day when I was buying a chocolate bar at a local liquor store, and the kid in front of me paid over 50 bucks for 3 grams of something called “Dragon Spice” that looked like Marijuana. He should’ve tried Amazon, they have it for $39.99. Puh! Today’s teens have it made. Why, back in my day, when we couldn’t score a bag, my friends would try anything from eating fistfuls of Morning glory seeds to smoking or eating nutmeg (here’s a great description of “success” with that bizarre route to dissociation) to get a buzz. I exclude myself from these acts of desperation, because I was the one scraping the pipe for resin or crawling around on the carpet getting excited about any white specks I saw, knowing darn well that they were lint or or other random debris. But back to the original question. What is up with the drug consumption people? Energy drink sales are increasing 12% annually and are expected to reach $9 billion a year in 2011. Alcohol consumption is the highest level in 25 years, and while sniffing glue has proven effective in the treatment of adolescent boredom, it’s also a little disturbing that inhalant abuse is pervasive enough that we now know that the color of the paint is crucial to creating the desired hallucinatory results. Apparently chrome is best. And while many states are allowing the sale of medical marijuana, who cares? As we pointed out earlier, you can buy a better buzz on Amazon without faking a medical condition, or even leaving the house for that matter.