Archive for September, 2010

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New Google Technology Makes Humans Superfluous

[ 1 Comment ]Posted on September 14, 2010 by admin in Technology

Tuesday, September 14th, 2010

Google’s search technology has become so good at predicting what you want to search that they’ll soon be doing away with you altogether.

Words could never begin to express the sense of relief I felt today when I read on the Google Blog that they’ve finally developed technology to do away with the human element altogether. After more than two years of generating original content every day, I run out of juice occasionally, and I was starting to worry that I would become one of the millions of user-generated content generators that fails to generate, and ends up apologizing for why I haven’t posted recently. By the way, if you need to filter the 111,000,000 results from that link, there’s a blog for that. And although I have some regrets that this new Google technology will render my existence unnecessary, in a way I’m looking forward to doing whatever it was that I did before the Internet came along. If only I can remember what it was without Googling it. In any case, until Google activates this new, completely human-free web, you may be interested to know that that as a user-generated content generator, you can already build an entire web site without even resorting to the content farms I was making fun of a few weeks ago. That’s right. Primal Pages lets you enter a phrase, and then assembles existing content from around the web for you. After you answer the question “What are you thinking about?”, you really don’t have to make any more conscious decisions except whether or not to click the “publish” button. As their tagline says: “If the website you need doesn’t exist, let Primal Pages build it for you in seconds.” I for one welcome this human elementless web, although I didn’t go down without a struggle. I thought that if I made a YouTube clip of a letter to Google using Google Scribe, that the Internet search deity might lend an ear. Clip below. Read the rest of this entry »

An Email To Glenn Beck Of Fox News – glennbeck@foxnews.com

[ 12 Comments ]Posted on September 13, 2010 by admin in Politics

Monday, September 13th, 2010

There are a couple of email addresses for Glenn Beck – me@glennbeck.com or glennbeck@foxnews.com. I’ll start with Fox News because I haven’t listened to his radio show. I wonder if I’ll get a free coffee mug?


Is Glenn Beck a Nazi? I’ll ask
him in the next e-mail.

I explained recently why I was going to stop voting and start “liking”, form the Punk Party, and support the Palin/Quayle campaign in 2012. One might think I’m simply resorting to the absurd for comic effect, but to be honest, once we reach the point where serious news sources are talking about Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin as running mates in 2012, I’m not even sure where the satire ends and the politics begin. And apparently I was guilty of contributing to this sort of confusion myself recently, when I demanded that they remove the Nascar track from the Oklahoma City bombing site, and a commenter astutely observed that I’d never been to Oklahoma City, or I’d know there’s no Nascar track at the site of the bombing. Yes, I think I’ve found my new calling. So on top of joining Sarah Palin and Ben Quayle’s Facebook groups, in my continued evolution into a 21st century Dick Tuck, I’m going to join Glenn Beck’s group too, and start corresponding with every teabag-baiting media figure and politician I can think of. First up? Glenn Beck, via Fox News. The e-mail is below. Can’t wait for a reply! Read the rest of this entry »

The Human Herd: Synchronized Movement In Love, Sport, and War

[ Comments Off ]Posted on September 12, 2010 by admin in Lifestyle & Culture

Sunday, September 12th, 2010

Whether it’s goose-stepping, human jumbotrons, or synchronized office swimming, it seems like humans are always trying to flock, school, and herd. So we’ve rounded up the latest from the Ministry of Silly Walks for your amusement.


Synchronized Chinese Teletubbies!

I made the observation a long time ago while working in restaurants that humans are basically a herding animal. They would all pile in at the same time at the feeding trough, and if you were paying attention, you’d notice that there was always a “cue” table that would pay their check and leave, starting the flood of departures. I was reminded of this recently when someone sent me a link to this video (also below) of Japanese men in business suits performing a bizarre synchronized walking routine. This of course reminded me of Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks, and before I knew it, I had wasted another hour of my life on YouTube. Which is sort of what Dissociated Press is all about, right? Wasting time on the Internet, so you don’t have to. Below we’ve collected a bunch of videos of people doing things at the same time. Sometimes, they’re nice, pretty things like the Thousand-Hand Bodhisattva, but more often, this desire to get together and do things the same way seems to be in preparation for being ready to kill someone, or at least kick their ass in a Rugby match. Enjoy. Read the rest of this entry »

Joaquin Phoenix’s I’m Still Here

[ Comments Off ]Posted on September 11, 2010 by admin in Popular Media

Saturday, September 11th, 2010

Joaquin Phoenix is one big hot bowl o’ crazy. Which is why I can’t wait to see his new film I’m Still Here: The Lost Year of Joaquin Phoenix. On DVD in November, in theaters this week. And probably not to be found as a torrent.


I don’t really know much about Joaquin Phoenix. I’ve never been exactly sure how his name is pronounced, and although I thought he was AWESOME as Johnny Cash in Walk the Line (and did a fantastic job on the soundtrack), and in spite of his busy career, I can’t think of another film he’s been in except as narrator of EARTHLINGS, the documentary about animal abuse and factory farms. The first time I remember hearing of him was when I had a surreal experience a few nights after his brother died at the Viper Club. I was at a different club when the L.A. Style club hit James Brown Is Dead came on, and I leaned to a friend and said “River Phoenix. Is Dead”. A few minutes later the entire dance floor was screaming the same words as they danced. Over drinks later my friend said “thank God Joaquin wasn’t there tonight”. I had no idea who he was talking about. But in spite of (or maybe because of) my ignorance, and the fact that he gives the impression that he’s one big huge bowl of crazy, I must confess to kind of being a fan. Which is why I’m looking forward to seeing I’m Still Here: The Lost Year of Joaquin Phoenix, which is in limited release (“limited” apparently doesn’t include the cultural backwater in which I live) in the US as of yesterday. The film – shot by his brother in law – allegedly follows Phoenix’s career transition from actor to rapper over the past couple of years. Reviews are mixed, with many asserting that it’s probably a deadpan satirical mockumentary, which is my guess as well. And which is why I kind of admire the guy. In the tradition of Andy Kaufman, Crispin Glover, Pee Wee Herman, and frankly, a tradition stretching all the way back to the surrealists, Phoenix keeps you wondering with things like his perplexing appearance on David Letterman (clip below) and a quietly but insanely erratic personal life. I for one would LOVE to roll my car and have Wim Wenders come to the rescue. The DVD isn’t out until November, and if you’re not in a major city, who knows if the film will even come to your town. If you really want to see the film in the near future, you may be able to find I’m Still Here as a torrent. Personally I’ll wait. Seeing this in the theater would be a fun night with friends. Trailer and Letterman clips below. Read the rest of this entry »

Fun Things To Do That Don’t Involve Burning The Koran

[ Comments Off ]Posted on September 10, 2010 by admin in Holidays

Friday, September 10th, 2010

In much the same way that not everyone wants to celebrate the birth of Baby Jesus on December 25th, not everyone wants to burn the Koran on September 11th. Here are some fun alternatives.


Keep the terror alive with NY Defender

We’re all probably pretty tired of hearing about how radical terrorist Christians in Florida are celebrating September 11, so we thought you might be interested in some alternatives. If you still want to do things “Florida Style”, and ensure that the day is remembered traumatically for at least another generation, all you need is a locked-down grade school full of children and some explosives. Then you can blow up a pony. Because you know, if you don’t, then the ponies have already won. Another way to keep the terror alive – but while feeling gratified that you’ve protected the homeland – is with NY Defender – the Flash game that was widely banned back in 2001 – in which you blow up airliners before they can create a place called ground zero that people can argue about building a mosque on nine years later. Some other interesting alternatives that were suggested by Reddit users include burning a copy of the Patriot Act or burning a newspaper to protest how the media created this whole debacle in the first place with their ratings-driven irresponsibility. One Reddit user couldn’t wait and already burned the Quran on September 10th. Or maybe you could ponder the ironic callousness of the fact that they’re moving the inspiring 9/11 memorial gift from our former enemies to make room for some cargo containers. Or as crazy as it sounds, maybe this would be a good time to learn about who started the last holy wars, or look at a fairly objective comparison of two of the worlds biggest religions and tell me where either one says “kill all the people that don’t believe what we believe”. Because Jesus H Chrysler, face it. You probably don’t know Jack about Muhammad. Read the rest of this entry »

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